Marcus Allenwoods sperm, Tina replied to the easiest question first.

Really? Bette smiled. So it really is ours.

Of course its ours. When we were still together, before provocations. I didnt want to risk another miscarriage and have you have to deal with that along with everything at the gallery I just wanted to make things easier, you were going through a bad time and I didnt want to put any extra pressure on.

So if youd had a miscarriage again, you wouldnt have even told me? Youd have dealt with it alone? Bettes tone wasnt angry, just quietly surprised.

I guess so, Tina breathed out, not thinking that she would have had to suffer through another miscarriage without anyone else knowing. I suppose I didnt really think about me, I just wanted to protect you from more hurt. And I was going to tell you, its just been hard cause weve been distant, as I guess we were supposed to be, and I didnt ***** I dont know. I dont know why I didnt tell you sooner. Its not something you drop in conversation anyway. And I hate that you found out from Helena. I just didnt know how to handle it.

Thats OK, Bette nodded, feeling her own cold fingertips on her neck.

I was scared Of the conversations wed have to have about it and I think I wasnt ready.

Bette nodded silently again.

Which is selfish, Tina recognised, shaking her head. And Im sorry.

Its OK, T. I just wanted to know, Bette smiled, reaching out to cover Tinas hand with her own. So I think its your turn now.

Tina sat in silence for a short while, knowing the question she really wanted to ask, but knowing it was too soon. It was way too soon for both of them to deal with it.

T I know its your question, but I know which one you want to ask, Bette said quietly. And its ok.

Candace. Why? And why after as well? Tina asked, trying to remain as calm as possible.

Control. Having it and lack of. I lost control to try and get a little back. For half a year I felt like I losing my grip on everything I had before. I didnt get any of it and I didnt get why it was slipping away from me. You, the baby, my father, the gallery I just needed to feel like me, to try and slip back into my own skin. I wanted something to feel real and painful and bloody instead of just the dull ache of walking through my life and seeing it fall away. I spent so many nights in our bathroom biting my hand as hard as I could to stop myself from crying so you wouldnt hear. To stop me from falling apart cause I knew that what would happen if I let it out. If I let you close Which is why I pushed you away and tried to get control at work but that was impossible– Bette cut herself off. Is any of this making sense cause it really doesnt sound like it

Its making more sense that you realise, Tina nodded, still trying to maintain her calmness.

What I needed to feel, I didnt feel with her. I felt pain but that was cause I knew I couldnt stop myself when I wanted to, but it just made me more numb. What I needed to feel I felt with you. That night.

Oh, Tina mumbled, barely clinging onto her cool, staring down at the table. So why after?

I was still numb. I had lost you. And I didnt know what else to do, I didnt care about anything

So you just fucked all the pain away, Tina said, hearing the dangerous edge in her voice which was close to losing control.

T

Feeling her come beneath you was enough to ease your breaking heart, huh? Tina snapped. How the ***** is that logical? Going back to the thing which caused the problem in the first place?

T

If you were so ***** cut up about it, why werent you home alone drinking instead of ***** your brains out all night? Tinas voice was rising to a high shriek.

T, thats not what it was”

Bette, I cant right now, Im too angry, Tina said, throwing her hands up in the air. She got out of her seat and brushed past Bette. I need to just be alone, she said through gritted teeth, as she slammed the door to their bedroom.

Bette sighed and leaned back in her chair. Great first attempt.