Fan Fiction
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Even the best falls down sometimes
Helena´s still on prision,but she´ll get out soon.While she´s waiting with the others prisioners outside of her cell,it´s time to take the shower,then she heard a strong voice saying ,come on move ,this is not a spa,so whileHelena ´s washing her hair her soap fell down to the floor and a foot ,with black boots kicked her soap very far from her,so Helena without watching said ,hey what are you doing Bitch the next time I´ll kick your fucking ass ,then when she picked it up,she saw an incredible beautiful woman ,blond hair ,blue eyes,very sexy ,but with a blue uniform,so Helena said I´m sorry I thought that it´s Ann who´s always bother me when i eat or when I try to sleep,please forgive me,so the woman said ok but this is the last time you understand me yes,and thank you,oh by the way I´m Helena Peabody,I know who you are the millionaire who stole money,yes but you don´t know the real story.A woman used me and I thought that she´d interested on me ,but she´s only a blackmailer .I´m sorry but can I talk with honesty with you ,ok ,what are you doing here I mean you´re a very beautiful woman ,well thank you but,it´s in my blood my father was a good policeman,and I belonged to the FBI,but it´s a problem then I´d to be on the streets with a fat guy who´s eating all the time,and now I ´m here,by the way my name is Lisa Peterson,hey here´s the towel,Helena said thank you,then all the lights starting to turn off Helena´s very hot and she said to Lisa You like me so much Do ya feel this? I´m gonna feel this so Lisa took off her black belt and she tied Helena´s hands,now you´re my slave(Helena) really I don´t think so take off your uniform ,because now I´m in charge ,so when Lisa took off her uniform she´s not having her bra Helena said now on your knees ,then Lisa started to lick her legs, then very slowly her groin Helena´s too high and she can´t come down ,she makes her tremble ,when a strong noise interrupted Lisa shit Helena what a light shut up Lisa said come on we need to hide right now follow me and don´t say a word both ´re on the floor very close , the other guard ´s awith a flash light,but she couldn´t see anything,the the guard left the place then Helena asked Lisa where´re we Lisa said trust me but this is dangerous and Helena said I don´t care ,their bodies´re synchronizing ,you don´t even have to touch me so Lisa´s over her touching again like nobody did before Helena´s flying.
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I agree with smiley. I think you need to format it better and run it through a spell-checker?
This story has potential but I think you should format it little better. The way it reads is a bit confusing. The dialogue needs to be seperated and have quotes so the reader can know that it’s actual dialogue and not part of the narrative. Maybe you should get a beta reader to assist you.
Gotta agree with both the above. It doesn’t seem like English is your primary language. There are lots of gramatical and punctuation errors. I think the spell checker would like up the whole thing. You might want to ask a friend to review it first, then spell check, then post.