The tube fills and I hand it off to Darrell as Britt hangs a bag of O neg. Dr. Bucknel is palpating the pulpy mess of Shane’s shoulder.

A surgical intern swaggers down in blue scrubs. “Whaddya got?” How can he be so calm? I want to pop him in his smug face.

Bucknel gives him the rundown. I drift back to the gurney and take Shane’s hand in mine, careful to avoid the pulse ox meter clinging to her finger. Still so cold. Her lips aren’t so gray. She is still too pale. Blood in her hair. Oh, baby, you’re filthy. My eyes are stinging.

The surgeon touches Darrell’s hands, which are putting pressure on Shane’s shoulder. He lifts up, and blood oozes sickly through the red pulp there. “Is she on any medications? Medical history, allergies?”

“Um, I don’t know.” My voice comes out clear and low, and the intern turns to look at me. “I don’t think she has any medical problems.” He glances at me for a long second, and I don’t realize for a long time that it’s because my face is covered with tears.

Then he turns away, touches Shane’s wrist. The gray on her skin is everywhere on that arm, her left arm.

“We’ve got no perfusion in this arm. Call Dr. Rowan and tell him we’re coming straight up.”

“Darah?” do you have a date of birth and last name? Darrell is labeling the tubes of blood I drew.

“McCutcheon. M-C-C-U-T-C-H-E-O-N. Seven nineteen seventy eight. Middle initial E.”

Brittany picks up the phone. Everything happens in a blur of hands and words and then we are moving toward the elevator, and I watch as the blood flows into her, stare at the heart monitor. Her pulse rises but her BP does also, which means she is coming out of shock.

Suddenly we’re at the elevator. Our clerk has called for it STAT but it’s still slow. An eternity in which someone could bleed out while its draconian mechanisms slowly trundle it to the ground. I press the soft hair back from her forehead. “Shane, honey, wake up. Open your eyes.” No response. Pupils are still the same. I stand there and look around me as if someone might rescue her. The surg intern and Darrell are staring at me.