"I just have a few questions and after that we can see where we are as far as a relationship goes."

"Ok." Vanessa answered a little unsure what Tina meant by that.

Tina closed her eyes and saw only herself. She didn’t feel the need to justify herself to Vanessa any more and let what she was feeling flow.

"I’m going to speak from the heart and through all that anger you harbor for me I hope your able to see that I’m speaking truthfully. Every part of me wanted to hate you. For leaving me, for hitting me, for acting as though I didn’t exist, for somehow forgetting that I am an extension of you. When I say every part I mean every part of me wanted you and everything you were about out of my life completely. … Every part except for my heart. My heart was calling for you to hold me, tell me you love me unconditionally, tell me I’m perfect when I fall down, tell me I’m everything I should be and more. And every time those unfulfilled dreams were crushed , I hated the look in my own eyes, because it was like looking directly at somebody I hated. Do you know what that’s like? To look in the mirror and see someone you can’t stand every day?"

"I do." the second those words came out of Vanessa’s mouth Tina’s eyes shot right to hers.

"There is no way in hell you could compare your situation to mine."

"Tina, think about it, Honey I was an alcoholic for over 10 yrs. I drank my life away. My entire old life, the one I created comfort in was lost and a complete stranger to me. I drank my family away, I drank away the power I had to be a woman in today’s world. I indulged in every carefree fantasy I had stored. Knowing that I had someone who needed me half way across the country, and here I was drinking myself asleep for most of the day. Because I was to afraid to show my face to anyone, especially me."

"Well that is truly amazing. Let me just break out the water works for you."

"Tina!"

"No, don’t! Because you have no right to compare your life with mine. Every drink you took was by choice, every bottle you finished was by choice, every state you bounced around from was by choice, every birthday you missed was by choice. So don’t give me that I’m in pain too shit. Because I like a fool sat by the phone on my birthday, like a fool I ran to the mailbox everyday hoping to see your handwriting saying something to me. At the very least acknowledge my existence. Tell me I’m at least worth a stamp to mail a simple hello." Tina couldn’t hold it in any longer, her steel wall she built from the days first phone call was falling fast.

"You know what I promised myself I wasn’t gonna to do this to myself, I wasn’t gonna let you get hold of my heart again." Tina looked towards the sky to fight the tears that penetrated her last standing wall. Vanessa not knowing what to do, not knowing whether it was appropriate or not to hug her, just stood there and let Tina find her way back to her. Tina bit her bottom lip, searched Vanessa’s eyes and began again.

"After all is said and done, everything boils down to this one question really it’s what keeps me up at night." Tina stopped and saw the fear and wonder creep into Vanessa’s being.

"Have you forgiven the man who raped you?"

TBC………………….