The smell of Pine-Sol was strong, even in the oversized bathroom, but it didn’t matter. She made no move to turn on the fan. Comfort was not something she was looking for, it was distraction. The fumes were welcome, they made her slightly lightheaded.

Cleaning was always the distraction of choice. She had so much on her mind. Making things clean, right, it felt better–taking away the mess. She knelt in the shower, picking up the shampoo and conditioner bottles one by one, wiping the soapy residue off of them. She cleaned each bottle and set it back in place. The last bottle was not hers. It was for blonde hair. It was Tina’s.

Bette heard a key in the lock, her head quickly turning towards the sound as she stood up. She walked down the narrow hallway towards the door, her heart beating wildly in her chest. As she neared the end, she caught a glimpse of blonde hair. The door opened.

“Oh… I’m sorry. I thought you were at work.” It’s Alice.

Bette glanced towards the floor, hoping Alice wouldnt see the bruise on her cheek. “No. I didn’t go today. I thought maybe…”

Alice also avoided meeting Bette’s eyes. “I just came to get a few things for…”

“How is she?” Bette interrupted.

Alice’s eyes snapped towards Bette’s face. “I… I… I don’t even know how to answer that question.” The words came out strong, but not angry–exasperated. “I can’t even say she is devastated. She is destroyed.”

Bette choked on the breath she was holding. Tears welled up in her eyes.

“Bette…” Alice trailed off. “What the ***** were you thinking?”

The tears leaked from her eyes, but she still stood as stiff as she could.

“Alice… I cannot. I cannot be judged by you right now. I know what you are thinking, but I am about to explode into a million pieces…” Bette begged her with her eyes.

She made no move to comfort her–not like last night–not like Tina. “I am not in a position to judge, Bette. I don’t even think I have my mind wrapped around this enough.” She tried to explain. “I just can’t believe…”

Bette just nodded… sniffing. “Is she staying with you?”

“Yeah, Alice replied.

“Do you think she would talk to me if I came by?”

“I don’t know… I mean yeah… probably. Bette, I don’t know.”

“I am going to try later.”

“Bette, do you still want to be with her?”

“God! Of course, Alice! It wasn’t like that. It wasn’t about that. I love her, Alice. I just I don’t know. I tried so hard to be what everyone thought I was. I tried so hard.” Bette was crying.

Alice was torn. “Listen… I should get her things and go.” She was not ready to be Bette’s friend again, even though she still loved her. “But… I won’t tell her you plan on coming by. I will be gone around six so she will be there alone.”

“Thank you… ”

“Yeah,” replied Alice.

Bette walked out to the pool area and shut the door behind her, leaving Alice to gather Tina’s things.