Frustration was running like a high-speed adrenaline through her veins, she couldn’t think like this, she needed freedom, but found there was nowhere to go. She was left to wallow in her self-loathing, completely out of her depth in trying to process the intricacies of the break up. Perhaps she’d given up too much, too soon. She’d jumped onto the change bandwagon at too fast a speed for a lover to contemplate. Perhaps she’d had too high a faith that the lover would be able to deal with the mass of dark steeping mystery behind the harsh exterior. Carmen had glimpsed a few short moments, had analysed, but had overestimated her strength, in dealing with such dark nature and had ultimately paid a price for the burden she had undertaken.

Pushing herself up from the dresser, Shane had no desire to leave the confines of her room and collapsed back down on the bed again. She refused to cry anymore, mentally checking herself, it was something she’d learned years ago to keep at bay, in latter months her self control had collapsed slightly and she’d cried a lot more in those few months than she had for years. It was weakness she couldn’t put up with anymore and was determined to gain control over the action again. There was anger and pain and guilt and emotions she didn’t even want to name. She didn’t know where to start in trying to get herself through this break up.

Thoughts of where it had all begun to break down were rearing their ugly heads. It was all so clear in hindsight, in the clear light of day, the moments when it had become too much to be dealt with. Love clearly wasn’t enough in the grand scheme of things. There was no-one but herself to blame; Carmen had tried, and it had worked for a while, but eventually, as she prised and prodded and started inching her way bit by bit, trying to shine light onto the darkness. But her strength had started to wan and she couldn’t cope with the reality of the situation.

Shane buried her face in a pillow, as if in some way, light would be diffused and darkness could come once again. She couldn’t work out whether the break up itself was more painful, or the look in Carmen’s eyes when the inevitable had happened. When it had all become too much, when Carmen had realised the responsibilty she had tried to take on had become a heavy burden she couldn’t trust herself to cope with it anymore.

Shane listened to the gentle tapping at her door as Jen called her name from the other side, a mixture of care and concern. She didn’t answer, she wanted to be left alone in her self-pity and loathing, but doors have the habit of allowing entrance even against the most pitiful loathing. She felt the bed dip and the warmth of a small slender frame as it melded against her back, and an arm found itself wrapping about her with a gesturing strength of ease.

Managing to shift her head slightly to one side, Shane peered through misty eyes at the petite face lying on the pillow beside her. Jen merely held her gaze for a moment, and her eyes were filled with knowing and understanding. Tears were already breaking through, refusing to be controlled, and as Jen simply brushed fingers through her hair, gently cooing with hushed words of comfort, Shane found all the strength she had left starting to sap away. But the feeling of helplessness and loneliness were pushed back, at least for a moment, as arms enfolded and blanketed her, allowing the weakness to come, she could be safe in the knowledge that she couldn’t fall any further, that she wasn’t alone for the ride.

~the end~