We need to discuss Valentine’s Day but first I need her reassurance on this. “Bette do you think I’m a control freak?”

She looks at me for the first time since the commencement of her favourite show, Megastructures, my hauntingly desperate tone must have struck a cord.

 “Yes” she answers.

My palpable distress has her tripping to take back her response. “But not always … very rarely actually. You are what I would call a passive control freak” she says soothingly, gently letting me know it wasn’t an altogether bad characteristic. She then leans in for a peck on the lips, leaving behind a lingering taste of  vanilla ice cream. She smiles and turns her attention back to the television screen where the United Arab Emirates were once again showing the rest of the world up, this time by constructing the worlds largest mall.

My gaze doesn’t leave her as she carefully absorbs what the architect has to say about the structure’s resilience to sandstorms. I don’t care about the elasticity of the building’s columns or the multipurpose gold panels on the exterior of the building or even it’s ten million liter aquarium but Bette does. She also thinks I’m a passive control freak which is really just a step down from a control freak.

Although I can’t recall all the functions of the passive control theory, I don’t like what the word passive implies. I want to be the Alpha of the pack, I want to top her, not all the time but eight out of ten times, yes.

I try to take in this new intel but its difficult, very hard to get past really. My girlfriend whom I adore thinks I’m passive – basically in her eyes I’m a chicken and mayo sandwich without the mayo holding it together, I’m a half assed control freak – a passive control freak. I feel mildly insulted. If she’s going to accuse me of being a control freak I want to be an aggressive one, I want to own my disease.

“You think I’m a passive control freak?” I ask tightly, knowing only moments ago I didn’t like the idea of being a control freak at all but now I favoured one type over the other. I suspect I’m being a tad unreasonable and as much as I don’t want to plant doubt about my mental state, I do want to have this resolved.  “Am I a passive control freak?” I repeat.