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First Year- Chapter 11
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I sighed, closed my eyes and bit my lip. I held her tightly and stroked her soft long brunette hair. I reflected on how really pathetic it was how my mother manipulates. Maybe she was innocent in her approach to Carmen’s education. Maybe it was just because Carmen was her "other daughter". I had to believe that maybe my mother had a bit of heart and her paying for Carmen’s schooling was out of love and not some sense of obligation for her silence.
Carmen interrupted my thoughts. "Are you okay?"
I nodded, "Carmen I don’t want you to hate me. I’m really embarrassed about what I said."
She reached up and caressed my face. "I believe you are. Let’s try to move on. I know you are stressed and that’s why we are here isn’t it, for some stress relief."
I smiled at her and turned to kiss the hand that caressed me. I felt a throb between my legs, "Yes, it is. I do need some stress relief."
She took me by the hand and led me towards her bedroom. "Come on, stretchy, I need you to examine my curves."
In that moment I felt good about being there with Carmen. I had run the gamut of emotions that day and certainly that evening. In all the uncertainty I had about my internship, my relationship with Dylan and my mother, the familiarity and comfort of Carmen felt good and safe. I was upset at myself about what I said and implied. It was crude and entirely insensitive. I did what any guilt party would do. I did my best to make it up to her that night. I don’t think I missed examining a single curve on her body with my fingers or tongue. I think by the morning, she was sufficiently satisfied with all attempts to make up for my faux pas.
Even though I wouldn’t admit it, after that night I felt we crossed the lines from friend with benefits to girlfriends. I wasn’t sure how long I could maintain things that way before I had to make a decision about us and about Dylan. She didn’t press me to. I knew she was seeing Shane on and off. So we got into a comfortable but ill defined quadrangular relationship. No strings. No regrets. No apologies. No explanations. Perhaps it was defiance and protest against my mother, but no matter how nice and comfortable things became with Carmen and my frequent dinners and sleepovers, I still held for weeks later that Dylan was my girlfriend.
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I’m going to have some faith in the writer to see her way through this… cause if anyone can make this work… or not work it is you my passionate friend… love and hugs, JC
JC thanks for the vote of confidence. There is no doubt I will get through this unscathed.
Helena and Carmen are two of a kind….self-absorbed losers. They live in the moment and don’t care about anyone but themselves. When Carman made that comment about Helena being a traded up from Shane that was very shallow. They can rationalize their actions as much as they want to but the bottom line is their both whores. It’s a shame Bette isn’t more significant in this story because even with her flaws I prefer her more so then Carman and Tina.
I feel like an idiot when I re-read my comment I should have made not that the work and not work part was in no way about the ‘writing/writer’ but about the characters in this situation… love and hugs, JC
WARNING TO READERS!!!This is a story about personal growth over the period of a year. If you are waiting for a QUICK and EASY BeLena love story, this will not be it. I might suggest if that is what you want you stop reading and wait for the chapter called Finale. If Bette is the other lover is the story then you can start all over and read to see how they got there. Otherwise don’t torture yourself hating the characters and the writer as you wait to see what the final outcome is. The outcome is set. This is a very long complex story, taking place from July of one year to June of the next. We are still in August. There is much more story to go. Angst is what I write and this story I can guarantee you will be full of growth, angst and pain. GUARANTEED….
FINE!!! Angst and pain, bring it on! Would it kill you to include some graphic sex?
Squirly you have a rep for killing us and we keep coming back for more. I love coming home to a new chapter from you and would like for you to go tell your employer that you need more time off on account just that fact. I also think that if that good little Catholic girl is ok with her actions than I’m not going to sit in judgement of her, theres a time for being a martyr but I’m thinking if you got a chance to be w/Helena Peabody thats not the time. At least thier youth is not being wasted. Raqus on girly. Thank you, Md aka Oma
HIya there S, I had just read chicki’s latest chapter and now yours and let me say that I love both of them because there were emotions that were felt and dealt with on Carmen and Helena. I like how both women didn’t hide anything from one another, that they were best friends with benefits. I liked how Helena had to see how much she hurt Carmen when she said that her mother had paid for her education and well the rest of the story. It made Helena realize that she needs to becareful of what she says cause she hurts people when it comes to talking about her mother. Now I have no idea who Helena with end up with but S your doing a fantastic job here with this story!!
Hmmm…so I’m a recovering good Catholic girl who knows all to well the chronic guilt attached to my soul… but geez…I have to say I was hoping for a little more juicy interplay between these two. I was all worked up in the last chapter and so I was salivating to experience the date/evening. The rush to guilt by both of them left me rather cold. I hear you though – they are young and still identifying what their needs are in relationships. Also, they are immature in a lot of ways and so they will make plenty of mistakes. I’m certain we all made quite a few a long the way ourselves. That said, I guess this just means you need to serve up some really HOT Belena sex at some point. ;>) (And you thought I wouldn’t mention it in every comment!)
You know, I was thinking that those girls were crossing over some major emotional boundaries….so it was no surprise that Helena …in all of their sharing, comforting and….ahem…faux pas redemption techiques (lol!)…was feeling the birthing of something more than friends. I definitely appreciate them being honest with each other…and yes they are young, hormones are raging and stress is high…but for the sake of freedom, conscious and out of respect, please Helena have a serious discussion with Dylan. I know they are providing each other…. “support”, but I do wonder how all of this is gonna feel in the sobriety of the “morning”…Was it more than just “the moment”? What are they really feeling? Will Carmen begin to throw Shane in Helena’s face to get her? Will Dylan agree to an open relationship…go ballistic or swing through to “check” Carmen? Compelling considerations, but the real question is: Was there a video camera at Carmen’s to capture her little “I guess I feel like I traded up” comment? Lol! (dang Carmen, busted by camera again!). Looking forward to wherever you take us! PPS
Your story is complex and complicated but everything is explained w/a great deal of detail. You have command of the s/l and the characters. Excellent storytelling.
Carmen was really very generous to let that schmuck stay over. As she did, I have to say I’m rather distressed at the lack of detail the author shared with us about it. Yes, Helena needs to get some guts and address the situation. I can’t really blame her, they are all still young and learning, not just about medicine. I’m not sure that with their distant assignments that their commitment was ever realistic. That and the fact that with youth comes changes. Better they should deal with it rather than beat themselves (or each other) up about it.
I agree with funnyone. They’re too young and involved with starting careers to keep a long distance relationship going. It should end. PPS!!