Tee and I sat under that tree for hours, doing well, not a lot really. And it felt good. We took in the view and made fresh sandwiches with the ingredients we had bought from the store. They were simple ingredients, nothing fancy, just some tomatoes and meat on some fresh bread but they were rich and ripe in flavour and definitely worth it. She just rested her head on me and I held her. I think it as the first real sign of intimacy since she arrived, emotional intimacy that is. We didnt talk much more about us or what happened back in LA. I dont know why that is, maybe we were just tired or the mood didnt lend itself to that discussion. After all the sun was shining and we could see the deep blue sea and the sheer sandstone cliff face as it ran along the beach. I have not yet answered Tinas question about why I have not reached out for her since she arrived. I am not avoiding it, I just dont think I have a good answer. There are many reasons. I guess I wasnt sure of the boundries, I wanted to be respectful of them and I guess I feared rejection, that I would reach out for her only to realize that it was not what she wanted and that would be too much for me after all that has happened. I am not avoiding her question, I will answer it. We were lying on the rug, she was resting her head on my chest and it felt right, in truth it always had. I always knew she was the one. I ran my fingers through her hair and admired the baby growing inside her. I didnt want to ruin this moment, it was the closest I had been to Tina in months. Still I felt I owed her an answer. It was what we agreed, that we would try and answer each others questions, honestly and respectfully.
Bette : Tee ?
Tina : Hmm ?
Bette : Tee, I dont want you to think I am trying to avoid answering your question, about why I havent reached out for you
Tina : OK, do you want to tell me why
Bette : Tee, would you mind if I thought about it for a bit, maybe answered you tonight of tomorrow. I just, Im having trouble articulating it.
Tina : Turns over and faces Bette, runs her hand over her face on her cheek and lightly kisses me on the lips. Bette, thank you. No I dont mind, you tell me when you are ready
Bette : thank you ?
Tina : thank you for letting me know you are not trying to avoid it and thank you for being honest about why

Suddenly in that moment with Tina so close to me and so open I begin to feel vulnerable. I guess I have questions for Tina too, about what happened when we were apart, about what happened while I was away and now. I just dont know the boundries anymore. I started to feel a real desire for Tina, physically and that hadnt happened in awhile. All my needs had pretty much been emotional, ***** is always good but not foremost in my thoughts. It would be untrue to say I had simply desired Tina, of course I had but I also desired what I could not have. Now was not the time to get those two mixed up.

Bette : I think we should get going. I stand up rather quickly forcing her to stand up also and in a minute or so I have the blanket folded up and I am picking up our bits and pieces and making for the car. Tina is trailing behind me.

Tina : Bette, Bette ?
Bette : Come on Tina, its is getting late, we should get back.
Tina : Bette its about 4 oclock, it is not late and there is plenty of light.
Bette : Come on Tee, I have things to do
Tina : Like what ?
Bette : Oh, clean up and, uh ..
Tina : Elizabeth Porter, some things do not change and I bet your willingness or lack of to clean is one of those things.

I open the door and jump in, then I race out as I realize I forgot to open the door for Tina. I get there just in time to close it. She smiles to herself more than me. We begin the drive home which will take about an hour or so. There is an uncomfortable silence. My anger is building, will things ever be ***** right, normal between us again or will it always be like this, hard work and discomfort. I also want to know about Helena, well I do and I dont, yeah ***** it, I do want to know about the ***** who was ***** my wife and ***** with my life.
Tina : Bette, what do you want to do tonight ?