Its true isnt it, that saying that sometimes have to get worse before they get better. I guess I am wondering about if they are going to get better. The rest of the trip was silent, the type of silence where both of you are fuming and it is better to say nothing. We approach the shack and my anger, jealousy and frustration are palpable. I think I have been more than reasonable about this. My wife was off ***** another woman and now she does not want to sleep with me, then I want to know what she is doing here. We arrive and pull up around the back. I get out and walk around to Tinas side to open the door but she doesnt wait, she is out and around the front (the beach side of the shack) and in the front door, leaving me standing there. I walk inside behind her and with my right hand rub my brow like the words or the answers might come to me, my left hand is on my hip. Tina has made her way in and headed for the bathroom and I suspect following that she will head for the bedroom and shut the door. I wait for her to walk past.
Bette : Tee I follow behind her.
Tina : No Bette as she makes her way to the bedroom.
Bette : Tee, I just want to talk I reach out to grab to her wrist. I succeed.
Tina : Bette, let go !
Bette : Tee, you are my wife, is it so wrong I desire you ?
Tina : Bette, let go as she turns around to face me, looking straight into my eyes. She has stopped struggling, it is a demand, not a request.
Bette : I am not letting go Tina, until you answer me
Tina : Well Bette, I am not going to answer you especially when you are holding me captive, is this how you think we will resolve things ?
Bette : Do you not desire me, am I not good enough for you anymore Tina ? I hold on tighter I know I am hurting her, I can see the red and white on her arm. She is struggling, not even bothering to look at me, just using her other hand to try and unpry my fingers. We are caught between the kitchen table and the couch where I have been sleeping.
Bette : We will see about that Tina, Im not finished with you, even if you are with me, what are you like a prick teaser Tina, why are you here if you dont want me I begin to push her back onto the table as I continue the verbal barrage. I did warn her, she is my wife and I expect her to be so in every sense of the word. I push her down onto her back on the table. She is struggling and screaming at me Bette, let me go, what are you doing ? I hold both her arms down either side of her head and begin to kiss her neck. I say nothing. She doesnt give up struggling, she continues to struggle and eventually wrenches a hand free. Before I know it she has hit me, I am not sure whether she slapped or punched me in the face but it connected with part of my cheek and part of my mouth. I feel the blood. Instinctively I let go and raise my hand to my mouth. She moves out from under me and I still have my hand over my mouth. She hit me hard, the pain is coming, the physical pain. What was I doing ? She screams at me Never, again Bette, do you hear me, never again will you lay a hand on me. We are equals, when will you get that ? Any desire I felt is gone. With that she makes her way to the bedroom and slams the door shut. I am still touching my mouth, it hurts like *****. I go and rinse it out. The reality of what just happened has begun to set it. I stand outside the bedroom door, leaning my head on the door with both hands on it Tee, Im, Im sorry. Tee please, come out and talk to me All I hear is the lock on the door. I grab my cigarettes and my wine and head out the door. I dont go far, just around on the rocks where I sat that night. I go because I dont know what else to do. I shakily light a cigarette, I drink my wine. Have we come any distance at all, what was I doing, I was just over taken with jealously. I hate that Helena ***** and she screwed my wife and my wife let her. Helena did it as much to ***** me as to ***** Tina. Who am I angry with me, or Tina or Helena, all of us I think. I should be mad at myself the most by far but I just cannot get the images out of my mind of her hands and mouth all over Tina. My heart begins to break again, did I learn nothing after Provocations ? I know I have blown it. I know Tina is in there crying her eyes out in there. I should go in and try, keep trying until she will talk to me but I just do not have the strength anymore. I must have fallen asleep because I wake and it is almost dark. Oh my God, I leave everything and run inside. Tina is sitting on the couch with her bag packed. She does not look like she has been crying. I stop dead, I look at her and then the bag.
Tina : What did you expect Bette ?
Bette : please do not go, not like this
Tina : What Bette, what the ***** difference does it matter how things are when I go ? Are you going to grab me again Bette, force me to stay ?
Bette : No I sigh. That was fair Tina, I deserve it
Tina : You damn well can be sure of that. Bette what were doing ? I mean Christ Bette, trying to force me, thinking you can over power me. Bette you do not OWN me or CONTROL me. When will you learn ?
Bette : Tee, I am so sorry, you are right, I was an *****
Tina : yeah Bette, you were, you have been for the last few months. Now you can be an ***** for the rest of your life with out me. Tina picks up her bag and starts towards the door.
Bette : Tee please I start to move to stand in her way. She glares at me. Tee, no, Tee, pleaseIm sorry
Tina : Its not enough Bette. Tina picks up the keys, my keys no less. With that she walks out the door, not looking back. I hear the car start and pull out. I dont chase after her, how can I ? It starts all over again, the pain of her leaving again is back and so real knowing she gave me a chance to put it right.