I realized many things in those hours. I realized I no longer felt the connection to my friends, why eluded me but I knew they no longer could help me. I know they are no longer mad with me. I am grateful for the time we had in the park. I wish Dana was there. I realized I love my father but I should have made him stand in line behind Tina. I realize he doesnt know me, just my achievements. I realized what a God send Kit has been and her kindness is endless, unlike mine. I realized how the house, my work, my suits, they were meaningless. I didnt look at Tinas favourite picture, the one I gave her, it still sits on the ground, facing the wall. Looking at it would have been too much. I realized I think, that there was nothing in LA for me, at least at that time. I am still here, so I guess there is nothing still there for me.

I took a weeks leave but I was on my way before I called to organise my leave. I left late in the evening. I headed to a place where I couldnt be found. It is a beautiful place, on the beach. It is a long way from LA. I left my cell on the table, along with everything Tina would need. I didnt leave her a letter or a note. I tried, what more was there to say. I didnt tell Kit or any of the others. I left a note for Kit but I did not tell her where I was going. I told Kit I would be back when I could. Maybe the only person who would know to look for here is Tina, maybe, its unlikely. We only talked about this once, I wish Id told her more about it. She would have loved it. But she will not look. I am glad I came here, its so peaceful. I walk on the 300m private beach, occasionally wade in the water. Its warm, the sand is white. I sit on the beach at night, I can see all the stars, sometimes I have a glass of wine. I am alone. I am lonely but I needed to come here. This is my spiritual home. I need to be here to heal. I have to start again. I dont know how but I guess I will because I have no other choice. I sleep a lot, at first to avoid being awake, now to help me heal. I read, I write. I go to the local bakery where the lady baker is always kind and friendly to me. She says nothing but I know she sees the sadness. I cannot describe this place, it has been at least 15 years since I have been here but it is a relief at this time, as much as anything can be a relief. I have been here three weeks, perhaps I will stay another. Longer than the original week I planned to take off. It will be a lot longer before those two words leave me and I can go back to LA. I dont know when that will be.