“Even you said it, I have a sparkle in my eye that shines when she is near.  My spirits are lifted and I have good days when she is with me…”

“So what’s the problem?”

“I crushed her world once, I won’t do it again.”

“Exactly!  So tell her that.”  Josh was smiling.  He knew Dana wanted to be with Alice and that she wouldn’t break her heart again.

“No…I won’t break her heart again by asking her to open up her heart to me again knowing I may not be able to fully love her.”  Dana shut her eyes and wiped away the lonely tear that shipped from her eye. 

“Fully love her?  What are you talking about now?”  Josh had a confused look on his face as he helped Dana roll to her stomach so he could stretch and massage her back.

“And people wonder why I am gay.  Men are so clueless sometimes.  I won’t ask her to love me again until I know I can be the girlfriend she needs and deserves.  One who can take care of her, who can please her, and who can grow old with her.”

“So let me get this straight.  You are in love with her and she is in love with you…”

“Yes…well I guess she is still in love with me.”  The strength in Dana’s words faded as she spoke the last few words.

“She is.”  Josh spoke confidently.  “But she doesn’t realize how you feel.”

“Correct.”

“And you won’t tell her how you feel until you know you have gone into remission, can take care of yourself and her physically and sexually, and can spend forever with her.”

Dana’s voice was weak.  “Yeah.”

“Until then you are going to continue to make yourself miserable by being just her friend.”

“Yeah.”  Dana wiped away another tear.

“I understand your hesitation, but there is one major flaw with your plan.”

“What?  Death?”

“No because that won’t happen.  You want to wait, to hold back to protect her.  But if she doesn’t know how you feel, she is going to think you want nothing more than a friendship and she’s going to move on.  When you finally realize you can be the girlfriend she wants and needs it will be too late.”  Josh helped Dana roll back over and sit up.  “Quit being so damn stubborn and open your eyes.  It’s obvious that trying to keep your feelings to yourselves is hurting both of you more than being honest.  She doesn’t know how you feel and she’s afraid of being hurt again so she’s not going to say anything.  You have to be the one who makes the first move.”  Dana just sighed and lowered her head.  She knew Josh was right, but she still believed she was doing the right thing by waiting.  She looked over at Alice and her eyes filled with tears.  Alice was beginning to jog on the treadmill.  Dana knew the look in her eyes, she was running from whatever was bothering her, trying to run away from the hurt and pain, hurt and pain Dana caused.