At least I can drink now. And with that she downed the remains of the cocktail.

At that point, Dana and Alice burst into the kitchen in time to applaud Tinas drinking effort. The girls boisterous conversation severed the communication between Shane and Tina, as they swept their hostess and drinks into the main room, leaving Shane behind. Tina turned her head around far enough to mouth a thank you in the direction of the kitchen.

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            As Kit was talking to me, I realised: shes the older sister, not me and not just literally. Even though I like to believe I have matured more so than her, she has her wise mature moments too. When it boils down to it, she has the best advice of anyone Ive ever known. I knew what she was saying to me in the lounge room that night but I didnt really hear the words. Sometimes I dont need to. I simply need to hear her voice, her calming tone. Whether its singing or talking, words take on a whole new meaning when Kit says them. Like a lullaby.

I didnt notice that I was drinking too quickly until I put down my empty wine glass. Then I saw a point in the conversation where Kit had stopped momentarily and I felt the desire to hug her. Looking back it wouldve been a perfect time. Instead I looked down at my lap and saw my hands massaging each other, conveying my nervousness. Why was I so anxious? What was I waiting for? What had I done? More accurately what hadnt I done? I thought I remembered but I was not ready to comprehend it. I felt Kit rubbing my back. I suddenly, urgently, had the need to drink something and so I instinctively reached out for the empty wine glass that is no longer empty. I didnt really care how it got full, I just drank. Then my thoughts again moved to Kit. She was much safer than the other thoughts in my head. I began to stare at her. How does she do it? How does she stand up and defy her addiction, even while others around her indulge in it? But we were not talking about that, as I became conscious that Kits mouth was moving again. We were talking about me and I gulped in the wine as if it were air. I mumbled something about Tina and received a worried look from Kit. Did I say the wrong thing? Another empty wine glass was placed back on the coffee table. Did I usually drink like this? I was sure I didnt. Maybe Im depressed. Dont be ridiculous, I said to myself. I went to work today so I cant be depressed. Kit was talking again but the only word I understood was Tina. I leant back into the couch and let its soft deep material engulf me. Searching the room for my beloved, I deduced that she was still in the kitchen. It was then that I realised, as I reached out for my next miraculously filled wine glass that I was apart from her emotionally as well as literally.

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