The angry buzzing of my alarm forces my eyes into a white void. I blink a few times, waiting for the double vision to become singular long enough to see that it is now time for me to head out into the destitute world to earn my living. I crawl out of bed and hop in the shower in hopes of knocking the sleep out of my body. The hot rivulets of water run rivers down the center of my chest, heading to places that could now be considered uncharted territory. I turn around and let the rivers make a new path down my back. The spray gently massages the tightness unnecessary stress has caused me. The heat and flow of water begin to feel like a lover’s caress and I swear she’s here again. SUddenly I don’t feel warm water, but warm skin. Sharp nails scratching down my back in parallel lines. I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling, something that has gotten me in trouble before, but I don’t care; it’s been a while. The hand continues to move lower and my breathing becomes deeper. The hand begins to stroke the upper part of my ass and all I can do is bite my lip and moan. THe hand moves lower and I almost orgasm on the spot. The hand continues lower, lower and lower. It’s almost there when my shower runs cold and I’m thrown out of my psychosexual reverie. Time to face reality. I step out of the shower and towel off as I headover to the medicine cabinet. The fog disappears long enough for me to catch a look at myself. My brown eyes are lucid and unfocused. Could be the booze, could be…anyone. My skin is pale and taut. THe bags under my eyes are growing darker, angrier. My cheekbones protrude more and more everyday. The way my brown culs fall around my face make me look like an ill cherub. I stop analyzing myself and start taking my medication. Bottles and bottles of pills designed to make me normal; all they do is make me numb. I swallow a handful of multicolored prescriptions and head to my room to get dressed. My uniform is a simple mechanic’s jumpsuit and steel-toe boots, making my morning routine all the easier. Fully dressed, I grab a pack of cigarettes and head for the outside world.