“Soooo”

“Soooo”

“Um you want anything to drink? Soda, juice.”

“Vodka.” I joked. “Juice is good thanks.”

She left and was back with some orange juice. “Here.”

“Thanks.” I took a sip. “So what is it that you want to tell me?”

“Well, I don’t know where to begin.”

I waited for her to continue, but she just stared into nowhere in particular. I couldn’t take the silence anymore. “Angie, are you breaking up with me?”

“No, no. I don’t want us to break up.”

“Then what is it? Because you have me kindda nervous here.”

“I did something I am not proud of and it involves you and Becky.”

“You had ***** with her.” She blurted out after a few moments. She didn’t reply, but I knew the answer was yes. “How many times?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Why?”

“Why what? That I don’t remember?”

“No. Why did you do it?”

“I don’t know. I guess after being with you that first time made me want to have you more and you weren’t there but she was.”

“But she isn’t me.”

“I know that. But she was convenient.”

“Convenient.”

“Yeah. But I don’t love her. I love you. I want you to know that.”

“I know you do, but it’s a shame that it wasn’t enough.”

“I’m sorry. I know saying sorry isn’t enough but I am really sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

There was a period of silence, except for the sound of Angelica crying. I couldn’t cry. Its something I can’t do in front of people. But what she did hurt me. It hurt more than I expected it to. But the funny thing is I understand why she did it. I have had to exercise a lot of control since our fist time. I came close once too to sleeping with an ex-bed mate. I guess I have been with a lot of people, so I know now what I want, but Angelica, she’s still young. And I was her first, she is still growing and I hate to admit it but maybe sometime apart is what we need. “I think we need a break. I have an internship next semester in New York so I will take it. Give you time to figure out what it is that you want.”

“But,” she tried to interrupt.

“Angie, I know you didn’t mean to hurt me but you did. And I don’t want to tie you down. You’re young and I guess you need to explore, be with other people, find out what it is that you want. I don’t want that if you do find someone you like better than me that you feel badly about it. I will be here. Whenever you want a friend.” I finally got the courage to look at her in the eye. “I know we belong together. I know that deep down in my heart. But I want you to be sure that you know that too. And when you do I will be waiting for you.”

“But I want to be with you.”

“I know you do. But you want to be with other people too.”

“I don’t. I don’t.” She was crying hard now. And it broke my heart to see her crying. I took her in my arms and I held her for what seemed like an eternity. She cried and I held her. Finally she calmed down. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Its ok. Its ok.”

“Its not ok. You’re leaving. You’re breaking up with me.”

“Angie, I will never leave you, and we’re only taking some time apart.”

“That’s what they all say. Maybe when you go to New York you will meet someone.”

“Maybe, but she wont be you.” I smiled. I tried to lighten the mood. And it worked. She was calmer and more receptive to the idea of a ‘trial separation’.

“I can’t believe you don’t hate me for what I did.”

“I love you. I may not like or agree with everything that you do, but I can never hate you.”