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    GOING THROUGH THE MOTION

    Story written on November 25, 2006 by wolfmother.
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    57 votes, average: 2.30 out of 557 votes, average: 2.30 out of 557 votes, average: 2.30 out of 557 votes, average: 2.30 out of 557 votes, average: 2.30 out of 5 (57 votes, average: 2.30 out of 5)
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    Genre(s):
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    Character(s): ,
    Number of Comments: 4
    Words: 299
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=63332
    Author Notes:

    Falling even more in love with you IT’S REALLY SHORT I’LL COME UP WITH MORE LATER

    IN SHANES HEAD OKAY CARMEN I LOVE YOU , NO RETARD DAMNIT THIS IS HARD.

    ” WHAT’S HARD SHANE ? UMMMM TIEING MY SHOE I MEAN ALL THE LOOPS AND TWIST CONFUSING HUH. CARMENS SMILES AND SAY’S ” UHHUH VERY DIFFICULT HEHE”.

    SHANE” HEY DO YOU WANT YOUR PRESENT OR NOT ”ALICE YODA DONT GET YOUR DAMN EARS IN A BUNCH”.

    SHANE ”SHUT UP MAN I SHOULD BE OBI WAN OR ANIKIN,GOD NOT THE POINT JUST SHUT UP SO I CAN SING”.

    ”SOMETHING BOUT THE WAY YOU SHINE. WHEN THE LIGHTS GO OUT I WANNA MAKE YOU MINE, SOMETHING BOUT THE WAY IT SEEMS YOUR ALWAYS HERE IN MY DREAMS,WHEN THERES NOONE THERE NO I’M NOT SCARED BUT I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU.

    CARMENS HEAD SHE LOVES ME AND THAT SONG DID SHE MEAN GOD SHE’S SO CONFUSING .

    ” CARMEN LOOK I KNOW I HURT YOU IN THE PAST BUT I KNOW I LOVE YOU AND IF IT’S REAL LOVE YOU HAVE TO WORK BUT I JUST NEED TO KNOW IF YOU LOVE ME CUZ IF SO I’LL MAKE SURE IT WORKS ”.

    ” CAREMEN ARE YOU OKAY

    CARMEN”………. ” CAREMEN RUNS OUT OF THE PLANET

    WILL THEY GET BACK TOGETHER ,WILL SHANE GO AFTER HER ,WILL CARMEN STOP

    FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EDITION OF”GOING THROUGH THE MOTION”

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    Comments

    3. A little more effort in terms of spelling, punctualtion, grammar and character development, please. Any story in all CAPS (and bold and italics) reads like you are yelling at the audience.

    4. I’ll be honest, the story is difficult to read due to syntax informality. But from what I can tell, Shane is trying to win Carmen back, and she did so with a song in this update. (yes?) That’s simply lovely; a serenade is always beautiful. And I must tell you, I absolutely looove Sharmen stories! So, if you don’t mind a pointer or two, you could tweak the writing style a bit and maybe get a beta reader (someone to proofread the story and check for continuity or grammatical errors, etc. and correct them or give advice). With that, your story will surely be a hit. Don’t be afraid to look for a good beta, even if it’s in your author’s note (I’ve mentioned this before, you’ll be surprised at how generous people can be and how willing they are to help an author out, especially Sharmen authors. . . or maybe I’m just biased in thinking so highly of my fellow Shameners! LOL!). Don’t give up, you have a good story to tell, and it would be a shame to leave it untold. =D I hope to read more updates from you.

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