She did come to my pants. She undid them and pulled them off and grabbed my underwear along with it. That was too sudden, especially after all the time she had been taking in the hours before. I let out a small cry, coughed to hide it, and turned into a foetal position. I felt her hand on my head immediately. “Sorry babe, was that too sudden?” I nodded. “Sorry.” She put a kiss in my neck. I was shaking and she held me. I tried to calm myself down. “Anything I can do? Should we stop?” I laughed. It didn’t fit the ambiance, but just her question had made me feel that I may be scared now, but I really didn’t want her to stop. “No!” She laughed too, a little, and let me take her right hand and put it low on my belly. I had a feeling as if that might work. I don’t know why, but it did, too. When I felt safe and calm again, I rolled on my back and looked at her, smiling, maybe even a little inviting. She kissed me and once again, she took her time. First my lips, for a long time. Then my neck, then my belly, then my breasts again, in the same way she had done before. I started to breathe faster and she laughed. Then she moved her head down, further down – ultimately down. For like six seconds, I felt extremely excited knowing what was going to happen. Then I realized who I was. I took her head in my hands and pulled her back up.

“No?” she asked, with a worrying face. I shrugged my shoulders and looked around.

“I just… I don’t get why… Why you want to do that.”

She laughed out loud. “I’m kind of a fan of it!”

But that wasn’t what I meant. “I don’t get why you want to do that… to me.”

“Why not?”

I was quiet for a while. She didn’t repeat her question, which I liked.

“Because of… What happened to me before.”

She laid down next to me and leaned on one arm again.

“I see how that can make you not wanting this. Why should I not want it?”