”You brighten my life like a polystyrene hat
But it melts in the sun like a life without love
And I’ve waited for you so I’ll keep holding on
Without You
Without You
Without You”*

**

“Chane, eat. You’re so…”, Mercedes exclaims.
“…Skinny, I know, Mrs. Morales. Thank you”.
Shane smiles politely taking a second plate of paella from Mercedes’ hands.
She is already full, actually, but she would never let Carmen’s mother down, especially after her unpredicted and warm “welcome back”.
Opening the door, Mercedes had given her the once-over, and for a second – but just for a second – Shane had seen the gaze of death beyond those intelligent, dark eyes.
She had felt uncomfortable until Carmen’s hand had gently brushed her back. An encouraging, reassuring touch.
Mercedes had stared at her straight in the eyes and, finally, had opened her arms bursting out laughing.
“Come here!”, she had yelled, squeezing Shane into a breathtaking embrace.
And Shane had never felt more relieved.
The whole family was acting as if nothing had happened – no Whistler and no three years of silence – and Shane felt grateful.
Oh, so grateful.
She had taken the chance to speak to Mercedes as Carmen was chatting loudly with her cousins.
Mercedes was engrossed putting the pots on and moving rapidly across the wide kitchen.
Shane had observed her for a while, leaning against the doorframe and feeling a warm and unmistakable sensation: that of being home.
“I am sorry, Mrs. Morales”, she had said then, lowering her head.
“And I know that being sorry is not enough. I know that my sorrys cannot erase these last three years, nor Carmen’s or your pain and disappointment. But I am so very sorry and I just wanted to tell you. I hope that I’ll be able to –“.
Mercedes had waved her hand in the air, grabbing Shane’s nape with her other hand and putting a wooden ladle with something very spicy on directly into her mouth.
“Taste this”.
Shane’s eyes had widened in surprise.
“Is it good?”.
Shane had visibly nodded her head.
“Muy bien. Now go take a seat and eat, Jesus! Nobody fed you during the last three years?”.
She had shaken her head going back to her pots.
And with that, Shane had known that her apologies had been accepted.

”I hold this letter in my hand
A plea, a petition, a kind of prayer
I hope it does as I have planned
Losing her again is more than I can bear
I kiss the cold, white envelope
I press my lips against her name
Two hundred words. We live in hope
The sky hangs heavy with rain
Love Letter Love Letter
Go get her Go get her
Love Letter Love Letter
Go tell her Go tell her…”