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    Hindsight – Chapter 13

    Story written on January 7, 2007 by Jobadge.
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    3 votes, average: 3.00 out of 53 votes, average: 3.00 out of 53 votes, average: 3.00 out of 53 votes, average: 3.00 out of 53 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5 (3 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 45
    Words: 2934
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=63902
    Author Notes:

    Bette Porter: She always said I was her addiction, she could never get enough of me…

     

     

    But the thing with those darker thoughts and feelings… they were addictive, why had the darker side of my life become the addictive side of my life… how could I comprehend the amount of alcohol I had drank, the amount of cigarettes I had smoked, and yeah… the times I had made myself sick, because that had become a form of addiction too…

     

     

    I seem to remember Tina telling me I had an addictive personality, we had laughed about it at the time, she had told me how she was addicted to me, how she couldn’t get enough of me, like a drug she wanted and needed, how she couldn’t function without the hit that her addiction brought to her… how times had changed…

     

     

    I sighed as Angelica wriggled in my arms, I felt that wave go through me that said I needed a cigarette, I needed that rush of the first draw that the nicotine gave me…, but I couldn’t, not now, not with Angelica here, and I don’t even know if I have any cigarettes, I seem to recall the last place I had any was when I was sat by the pool last night…

     

     

    “Hey boo boo, you wanna get those tooties wet in the pool with mama…”

     

     

    I take it the wriggle in my arms meant a yes; it meant that she definitely didn’t want to be held any longer…

     

     

    “Come with Mama Angel…” I beckoned her to follow as I held out my hand to her, I smiled as she toddled toward me with a chubby outstretched hand, we walked toward the bathroom for a towel and onto the bedroom for me to change into some shorts. 

     

     

    We would just sit on the edge, dangling our toes to pass the time until Tina came back; I glance at my watch, until she came back in… forty six minutes…

     

     

    I take off my baggy Levis and slip on an equivalent pair of baggy shorts, I think I needed to do something about this, which was the lesser of the two evils, buy some new clothes or put on some weight…

     

     

    Well, my bank balance would be less healthy with a new wardrobe full of clothes, but I would be more healthy if I gained some weight, I suppose it was something I should think about, focusing my mind on eating healthily, as my sister kept telling me, or rather focusing my mind on eating and actually allowing the digestion process to happen before I choose to expel it all, I had to… I couldn’t go on like this… but sometimes… it was so hard, it was so hard to look forward when my whole life was behind me, and that’s where I wanted to be… I wanted to be part of that whole again, not this empty shell of a life I was currently living…

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    Comments

    1. Ally may have competition on whose your greatest fan. You are an extraordinary writer and your deserve every award you are granted and more. Please keep writing and to hell with the haters!!!!!!

    2. I must live in a shoe..LOL! I will admit that I do not typically read the discussion boards and aside from posting my own story, I have not been reading. However, I needed to keep my eyes open after being so tired and to clear my own head to proofread my story before I posted it. So, I clicked on this having been recently told by a friend what an amazing writer you are. I have also went back and read some of your other stuff. I don’t know what’s on the boards and frankly, it isn’t worth it for me to look (don’t take that the wrong way please). But I did want to say that you are an excellent writer and to allow people to “take that away” from you isn’t right. People will have their opinions, I write as a matter of enjoyment for myself and to take a break from the “real life” that we all live. It takes time, effort, and since it pays nothing I have to venture that “we” do it because of it’s enjoyment. If it has become not enjoyable to you because of these people that feel they can complain because things may not have turned out the way they wanted even when a democratic process was used, then shame on them. I, for one, enjoy your stories and think you should continue!

    3. Thanks for posting Jo…I ditto my comments I left for Ally…you are an amazing writer…that story “Those adoring Eyes” is one of my favorites…I STILL go back and read that story because it touched me so much. If you DIDN’T win an award for it THAT would have been the crime. There will always be complainers… there will always be haters…there will always be people who just don’t know what to say out of their mouths…we live in a society where people just like to keep stuff going. I can’t tell you how to feel about that…you own those feelings, but I can do my part in telling you that I am a huge fan of yours and if you were to not write your amazing stories for reasons like the bullsh*t that has occured then that would be a tragedy. In saying that and leaving that there…I think this chapter flowed well…and I am waiting for your next post.- a loyal fan

    4. I can’t believe that people have been so mean-spirited about your awards – richly deserved in my opinion. I’m just delighted that you’ve decided to put all that aside and continue writing for us. Your stories are terrific. I don’t always comment but will try to do so more often in future, just so that you are in no doubt as to how much your storytelling is appreciated by moi!

    5. Wow, I’m sorry I haven’t commented in a while. I am a loyal fan of yours and Ally’s. Your writing is aweome and you both deserved all that you won!You both won(plain & simple)cause people VOTED for you, however many of awards.You two swept it!!!!!!Be proud and never let anyone bring you down. YOU ROCK and don’t forget it!

    6. No need to say sorry about the authors notes. You deserve what ever awards your were voted for. You know how I feel about B&T being together and I hope that this is the bumpy road back to the track that leads to them working out their relationship. I for one would like to see love win for once.

    7. Hi Jobadge. Happy new year. I don’t follow your stories regularly but when I read your work I really do enjoy it. Your writing is great and I don’t know why anyone would find you carrying the “big pen” anything but totally understandible. I’m glad that you have decided against quitting writing on this site. I think that would be crazy. The harbingers of doom and the naysayers and so forth would win out if that came to pass. Cheers Jobadge. Look forward to more of your stories.

    8. Hey..im glad you got how you`ve been feeling off your chest!…i hadnt really taken too much notice of the boards til my attention was drawn to it…simple fact is THE READERS VOTED!and you guys won hands down.and im guessing that you`d win all over again …its also a fact that you can never keep everyone happy….Dont let anyone take away how proud you were, and should be feeling at wiinning those awards…Hell i was so proud of you!..lol..as for this chapter..it flowed as the others before it did!…Just glad your writing again..ya know the site wouldnt be the same without great writers, wouldnt be the same without you!

    9. fo real jo dont let haters get to u!! thats what they do hate on ppl that shine!! and obviously ur writing shines bright thats why we keep comin back for more!! lovely jo more soon i hope

    11. i couldn’t agree more with griffen. human nature has also that awful side. but remember that a lot more people here appreciate very much your great writing. please go on.

    12. Jo, I absolutely loved your “situations” story. It always made me smile and I ejoyed it so much. I am so sorry you and Ally are experiencing these negative comments from disgruntled authors…but you were voted in. You are a awesome writer, with a wonderful sense of humor. Please don’t let all the negative energy keep you from posting more stories in the future. I can’t thank you enough for all your wonderful stories. By the way, this was a great post. Keep your chin Up!!!

    13. Its good that i dont read discussion board here..i would hate to read jealousy comments. Just keep writing your amazing stories..you are very talented and “those adoring eyes” is amazing! i read all the time..impossible not love it :) Thank you for the stories. Post soon.

    15. Hey Jo-I’ll tell you what i told Ally about the haters out there who are jealous of your writing skills–send them my way b/c i voted for you both so if they need someone to blame they can blame me! I think it’s apalling that some of the other writers are reacting in such poor fashion to the fact that you and Ally ar multiple award winners. Just keep your head up and keep posting chapters like this one, which by the way i think flowed just fine. :)

    16. So many great storie/authors and then us readers on this site that it is imposible to please every one…I say enjoy your awards and don’t let anyone bring you down, cause you deserved them. On to the story, Bette is still so inlove with Tina, I hope things work out for them. By the way time does drag on, specialy when I am waiting for another chapter from you. Take care and keep on writing.

    17. Jo–I know that under the circumstances it’s hard to keep things in perspective when it seems that you and your amazing gift are being personally attacked, but it’s important to focus on the reason you write–you have stories to tell, and you have every right to express yourself as you are led. I was a nominated author but didn’t feel bad that I didn’t “win”–I was just so honored to find my name on the same list with awesome writers like you! Don’t let the turkeys bring you down–you earned your recognitions! Your legions of fans are a testament to that!

    18. hey Jobadge! If I didn’t congratulate you before, I would like to now. You are a great writer. Your story ‘those adoring eyes’ was one of those stories I totally fell in love with. Like Skycap, I still read it from time to time, because it was so amazing. writers like you, ally, JKS, greentea, and chicki, just to name a few provide endless entertainment! I also hope that maybe someone who writes for the show will read some of it and see what real writing is! So I will repeat what has already been said, do not let HATERS stop you from sharing your talent! you are too good to go away. thanks for sharing. pps.

    19. Well Jo, you’ve already heard from me about your awards, you’ve already heard from me about the assholes. Why you refuse my advice about fucking them with a splintery piece of wood I’ll never know. I do hope Tina packs clothes for herself. And given how lacrymose things have been around here, it might be a good idea if she grabs an extra handfull of Angelica’s diapers just to handle the flood of tears. Bette didn’t need to drag the baby out to the pool to dangle her feet in the water since she’s been crying a river inside the damn house! Which should make their ultimate reunion all the sweeter, right?

    20. This is going to be a long hour isn’t it? ;) Wait I think I asked that last time. lol I already sent you a PM about that other thing so no need to say it again. =p

    21. I didn’t know there was a problem with the awards, but don’t you worry because your writitng is always good. As IC says you can’t please everyone.

    22. Jobadge, please don’t stop writting this story. It was you that got me hooked on this site and I need my fix. This is a great chapter and I’m counting the hours until I come back and read another one.

    23. That was a great chapter JB! Your writing is phenomenal! Don’t ever let someone make you feel you are less than what you know you are! You have accomplished what other people never could, no matter how hard they try…so get that chin back up and puff that chest back out ‘cuz honey you deserve it!

    26. Ok, now it’s you’re turn. I told Ally yesterday she shouldn’t let rude people get to her and neither should you. You are one of the best writers on here and should not let small minded people get to you. I know your feelings must be hurt as mine would be if I had been writing such touching and lovely stories only to have someone put you or your stories down. Only thing I can say is I’m one of the people who don’t comment often…I prefer to lurk, but I do read stories on this broad each and every day and yours is one I’ve sorely missed. Please, please continue…you should rise above these people. It’s like when one kid in class does something wrong and the entire class is punished. Please don’t punish us all by staying away. I’ve enjoyed all your stories and look forward to many more from you. Now I’m off to read this one. Keep up the great work…you are appreciated here!

    28. Indeed you are faster than I thought… :D Great to see you are feeling good to write again. Now that you took that lump off your throat, life goes on or stories go on… whatever. :D

    29. hey babe. i hope you feel better getting all that off your ample bosom — i have more ample bosoms and i feel much better having said what i did. so that was one of your least good chapters ? you are just angling for this but i will indulge you. your least good chapters are WAY ahead of most other people’s really good chapters. i know its hard when your head and your heart is not in it like both of us have been feeling in the last week. it was such a relief to know that you felt the same way i did. Now i hope that we have both said what had to be said we can settle into some steady writing. You remain the author who most makes me cry and and most makes me — eh – excited. You illicit such amazingly powerful emotions – i remain your biggest fan. take care xx

    30. Good to see back Jo! Well since it’s not in your nature to say “Fuck you” to the haters I will say it “FUCK YOU Haters” Now onwards with the story: Jo I just knew you would have me beginning to like Tina, arggghhh! lol It’s all good, your writing is great so I forgive you. It’s good to see Bette walking among the living again. Angelica is so adorable. Post soon and can we get another chapter of “Do you remeber when”

    31. U were wrong. It flowed very well. Great job. I concur with SHAZ PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE continue your wonderful stories and this a request from a HUGE FAN!!!! of your writing.

    32. Hey Jo. I honestly had no idea that this was happening – I guess I don’t visit the discussion pages often enough. I’m so sorry you were made to feel bad about your well-deserved awards. It pisses me off, to be quite honest. The readers voted and they chose to give you their praise. It really should be that simple. But sadly it’s not. I know I voted for you because in my book you’re the best writer out there, and I’d HATE it if you stopped writing because you were put down on account of your popularity. That’s just wrong. I’m a dedicated reader and I will keep reading whatever you send my way… and you’ll get my vote any day. Be proud, Jo… you have every right to be!!! Oh, and I loved this chapter… no worries…

    33. Wow… This story is so incredibly heartwrenching, Jo… You’re ability to write these deep, heartbreaking turmoil, making us beg for more… Your words, flowing (as you were afraid they would not) reaching so many souls… You have a way with them, thats undescribable! About the chapter: The question comes to mind, reading this, is it wise for Bette to take A swimming? I mean, what if she faints again?HUG to you my friend, keep giving us those wonderfull words that are trying to get out of your heart, and don’t let anyone keep you from it!

    34. Mate don’t ever apologize for that amazing and honest author note or anything else concerning your writing!!! I’m really pissed anyone would deliberate ruin your and Ally’s cloud nine feeling after getting those awards….you guys so don’t deserve that. People just have to realize that the two crazy brits are the best and have been since you started posting on this site!!! Fan fic would definitely not be the same without you sweetie, so I’m glad you’re not letting this stop you…or you would have to deal with an angry Terrier LOL. Loved the chapter, I think it flowed nicely, but where are the bikini we talked about???? LOL Post soon, I’m addicted :o))

    35. Hiya Jo, Thank you so much for another delightful and tragic chapter it this inspirational story. Yes, you have captured all of the hurt and despair at Bette and Angelica’s separation but now this heart ache is being amended. You write from the heart and manage to put your audience right in the thick of things. To which I salute your talents and skills as an author. Any derogatory comments are more likely from jealousy and envy. Please be rest assured that you have Loyal Fans and we are here reading and cemmenting as best we can. Thank you so much for putting your wonderful words on this site and bringing so much enjoyment to so many. Your Loyal Fan.

    36. well done at getting into Bette’s mind and feelings…love the little touchs with Angel…pleasz let Tina get back on time…Bette is no condition to be let down…how she’s going to heal from her bulimia, I don’t know…thats such a killer…PPS

    37. Thanks for continuing to write Jo! As I told Ally, you really shouldn’t be bothered about any negative remarks. There are always those type of people. So just concentrate on what you do best and continue to enthrall us! :)

    38. You keep writing and posting. Like I told Ally, when there were judges, people didn’t like that. Give it to the readers..they don’t like that. You deserve anything that was awarded and the people that are complaining…oh well. Read your comments and know that people love it. Keep going, girl.

    40. Hey Jo! I’m telling you the same things I told Ally yesterday! You got the awards because you deserve them! your stories are amazing and I’m so excited everytime i see a new posting! don’t let the sour grape eaters get to you! the board readers have spoken! btw–i thought this was a great update. i think it is cute the way bette is counting the minutes until tina’s return. pps!!

    42. Both you and Ally were the PEOPLES Choice. Some people would complain if they were hung with a new rope on an old tree. Just go with the flow and please keep writing your wonderful stories. Love this one thanks

    43. hi Jo! even you was afraid that this wasn’t as excellent as always, let me tell you that is touching as the other. Please don’t leave that others make you question about writing, is this is one of the passion keep going! a lot of people like me will be happy to keep reading your wonderful chapters!

    44. i really hope that tina will stay the night too so they will have more time to reconnect and become a family again………as far as awards, i think the problme was in the way it was organized, after the nomination it was obvious that nobody else would have any chance to win against you and ally but it has nothing to do with your stories, because they are great, the latest awards just didn’t give a chance to many other wonderful writers and i thought the results might discourage them to write, but i don’t go on forums so i have no idea what the discontent was about, just don’t let it stop you from writing

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