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    Hindsight – Chapter 2

    Story written on November 14, 2006 by Jobadge.
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    Number of Comments: 53
    Words: 6257
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=63213
    Author Notes:

    Tina Kennard: I saw her close her eyes as her body swayed, my mind became alert as I realised the life had momentarily left her body.

     

    The searing pain in my chest from earlier returned, I was seeing the full picture of the life that was currently Bette Porter, the desk had her briefcase and paperwork spread across it, probably the only thing in her life at the moment, her work, but close by was where she slept, no wonder the bedroom looked the same, she wasn’t sleeping in there.

     

    I ran the tap and filled a glass with cold water, my eyes resting on the refrigerator, I shouldn’t look really, but my conscience wanted to know if she was eating, my head told me she wasn’t, my heart hoped she was.

     

    As I suspected it was virtually empty, but I recalled this afternoon, she was grocery shopping, and following the groceries falling to the floor she hadn’t retrieved them… I sighed, my mind not really knowing what to do, my body was fucking with my head and my heart, they were telling me different things, things I’m not sure I was ready to hear… Not tonight, maybe tomorrow.

     

    Tonight I needed to be here for her, but my head and heart agreed on something, I needed to be here for her…  for not just tonight…

     

    I returned to the bedroom where the two Porter girls were as I had left them, I leaned down to kiss Angelica’s head, a simple sigh coming from her lips, it always made me smile, a simple gesture could evoke a simple sigh from the sleeping being.

     

    I walked around to the other side of the bed, the other Porter, I brushed a stray curl from her head, being careful not to graze the bruise that was appearing from her earlier fall. I leaned down to place a gentle kiss as I had done with Angelica, it was automatic, I didn’t even think about doing it, it just happened, it was natural, a simple sigh came from her lips, as it had done with our daughter, it also made me smile.

     

    I pulled chair up beside the bed, so I could sit and watch over them, I felt a calmness wash over me, a calmness that I hadn’t felt in… I shook my head as I realised, a calmness I hadn’t felt in seven weeks and four days…

     

    Bette stirred, I watched closely, in case she needed anything, her lips parted as her head moved from side to side, she became unsettled, mumbling in her sleep.

     

    I moved closer, trying to make out her words.

     

    “Baby… my baby…”

     

    “Sshh, it’s okay…” I reassured her as I stroked her forehead.

     

    “I want… I want my baby…” her whimpers continued.

     

    “It’s okay, she’s right here…” I continued to sooth her restlessness.

     

    “T…” she mumbled in her unconscious sleep.

     

    I felt the sting of tears, she wasn’t even aware we were in the room, and yet her dreams brought us here.

     

    “Please… let me see my baby…”

     

    The choke caught in my throat as the tears fell, what had I done, had I brought her to this, to this thin, desperate woman who was barely surviving, who was verging on the edge of life itself, my head and heart didn’t need to argue this point, I knew I had to take responsibility of leading her to this path, it was a fact that I was so deeply ashamed to admit… but it was true…

     

    My tears started slowly as she laid in front of me, how could I have done this to her, why could I not have been at least civil to her when she had called me all those times, I had lied to her earlier, I had listened to every single message she had left for me, everyday every message, over and over…

     

    I looked at her as I sat here, the woman who continued to rule my heart, but I knew I needed unload a lot of the emotional and psychological baggage I was currently carrying around before I could even broach any conversation about where we were at, but she would rightly tell me, we were nowhere, she was nowhere, she was lost and I had been the one to help her on that journey.

     

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    Comments

    2. My dear Jobadge… Your words have the ability to reach through one’s body and touch, wrench and shatter a heart… But you also give hope, that wonderfull ray of sunlight that can emerge from behind a dark cloud, evoking a rainbow… I am sure the rainbow you will show us will be marvelous, and I thank you from the botoon of my toucher, wrenched and shattered heart for the beauty of this story, for writing it and allowing us to share in this wonderfull journey of your mind! Thank you!

    3. Wow, its the first thing that comes to mind. So much sadness and despair. Unfortunately at times it takes this kind of situation for people to realize the full affect of they’re actions and words. Hopefully Bette will not be angry with Tina being their, but happy that for whatever reason, not only is Tina their but so is Angelica. Hopefully, after much time and talking these two can realize that no matter what or whom, destiny is not something you can change, and they are destined to be together. Great job.

    4. I have now read both chapters and let me say that you have moved me this story. I feel the love, and hurt of both these women. Thank you for such a wonderful story.

    5. another excellent chapter, this is sad so sad too but this situation will help Tina to realize what she has done and then try to fix this because Bette deserves has her daugther, and Tina knows that

    6. I’m going to add to smiley’s comment because I know how she feels. NOT only did Tina keep Angelica away for 2 months, but just TODAY she sees Bette faint and the bitch left her there. At first I thought this was going to read as though Tina were imagining seeing Bette when Angelica said “mama.” I really DON’T get it. Bette faints in a grocery store no less- and Tina walks away. Since walking away was so easy for her to do earlier, why bother to stay now? As deep as this chapter was, I have to say you were successful in pissing me off. PPSSSSSSSSSS!!!

    7. Another thing, how dare Tina walk away when Bette fainted? Suppose she had seriously hurt herself? But you know even if she did go over I would still be pissed!(lol) As usual Tina’s head is in her ass and fails to see the shit right in front of her! What the kicker here is is that she now wants to see how Bette is doing and automatically become concerned about her well being after 7 fucking weeks?!? Is she insane?!?! Why this makes me so mad is that I can actually see Tina doing this! God I hope to high hell Kit gives her a tongue lashing. I mean I’m semi-glad that she is realing what she has done but it’s not enough, so please give Bette or Kit the voice to give Tina what most fans would have wanted to hear. Sorry Jo I had to get that out(lol), post soon!

    12. Well, you know how I love a bit of angst and that post had it by the bucket load. I think that may have been one of my favourite things that you have written. Really looking forward to where you are going to go next with it. How will Henry react when he finds out that Tina spent the night at Bette’s?

    18. Dammm… this was so hard to read… both chapters… i don’t know what to say… you know i only want them together… but this is not the way … if tina just comes back because bette is drinking, smoking and not eating… they are still at square 1… nothing has changed… and what about henry… he may be a good old boy… but when he finds out tina spent the night… hmmmmmmmm… well Jo… i look forward to your next chapter…

    19. Wow…what a powerful chapter…so hard to read, but worth every minute. Please be gentle with them both and let them work their way back from this painful situation. great writing…I love it! PPS

    20. Damn that was sad and you made my cry my friend and I never cry alot in on chapter but you did. Damn this is bad and hurt and I agree with AmandaMG and let see what’s next, thanks!

    23. It’s amazing how deep we can hurt the people we love the most. TIna is justifying it as “protecting ” her and Angelica from being hurt, but I think she just wants to continue punishing Bette. I hope Tina realizes that the harm she is causing to Bette is affecting Angelica. It’s time to begin the healing process.They both need to forgive in order to move forward. Beautifully written. PPS.

    25. So, so sad…Bette’s despair and Tina’s initial running away! But she couldn’t just run away, because love conquers all! This is deep, Jo, and I think you’re just starting to scratch the surface…

    26. Seems there’s some hope for the saving of Tina’s soul and Bette’s life, but crap, look what it took to get that woman to discover her conscience. In the great cosmic scheme of things, Tina’s got some serious ‘slpaining to do. But it’s a start and as they say the longest journey begins with a small step. And it will be a long journey as the woman is a moral retard.

    27. This was definitely one of your top 3 chapters. Your writing is so rich, layered and profoundly sad. How can people who love each other so much be so cruel? Tina is a pimp, a stone cold pimp.

    30. Thank you for Tina’s POV. She does have a heart and it still beats wildly for Bette Porter. Now if she can just rid herself of all of those childhood notions and run back to the one person that heart still beats for. Bette has fallen but this time Tina is there to pick her up. Tina’s actions led to this break down of Bette’s but she is there now to slowly raise that sinking ship.

    31. Thanks for Tina’s side. At least here we get to see what she thinks & feels, unlike the show. That was an amazing chapter. Thanks for takin the time.

    36. I had first thought that this story was on it’s own, and only after your reference to the oysters did I realize that they were connected. Thankyou for sparing us the gorey details of their demise. I wouldn’t have been able to read the chapters of their downfall, as detailed as your were with their reconnection I know that it would have been the same with their seperation and that chills me to the bone. I feel safe kowing that your writing and will take care of this couple, as only you can. It’s sad to think that they could go from one happy place to let it all unravel again and wind up here. Thanks jobage, pls take care of the girls!! Your stories are amazing, just amazing, thanks

    37. That was so heartbreaking. But I’m glad that Tina is there – now it’s up to her to make everything right, although she’s got a long hill to climb. Beautifully written.

    38. Damn! A sew lumps caught in my throat! That was painful to read! Tina is a fucking bitch! Yeah I said it but I have no other words to describe her at the moment. Granted what Bette did was wrong but she brought her back in a few hours. This bitch takes her away for almost two months and thinks Bette would not be affected by it!!! Of course she was not thinking only in the capacity that she wanted to hurt Bette and boy did she completely eviscerate her achilles heel! I mean damn Tina, your behavior is just so fucking disgusting and for a brief moment wished for bodily harm to come to you. Okay rant over! For the sake of my sanity I adamantly REFUSE to connect this story to “I thought…” and “Do you rememeber…” Excellent Writing Jo, you continue to astound me! You must be an awesome person to know and I am so glad you share your talent with us. Post soon! I can’t wait for that conversation!

    42. Jo, I come here everyday to see if you post something, honey… Your write is so painful, so tender, so full of details, so gentle. You know how to do a great dramatic scene and you know how to tell, better then anybody else here or everywere, a tale from the girls… Post soon or i´m going to be sick :) Thanks sweet.

    45. Jo, That chapter bled emotional hurt and pain.I do get the sense that Tina is trully appreciating the effect that keeping Angelica has had on Bette. She is seeing first hand the disect of Bette’s heart and soul. In seven weeks and four days Bette’s life has reverted to basics of survival. Food (limited) and shelter. Tina now know what she must do and hopefully is beginning to realize what she has lost. I just hope that Bette has left a trail to find her way back. Your words convey the sense of failure and deficiency that has invaded Bette’s psyche. Functioning is all that was left. I adore the simiplicity with which you have had Tina face these demons and stand firm as she attempts to rebuild Bette and their realtionship. Brought me to tears. Perfect desolation! Many thanks for this emotional and emotive tale. Your Loyal Fan.

    47. What???? No way, Can this be a continuance from remember when, But it is isn’t it? This story has me heartbroken. (I think I am forgetting this is fanfic) Its all about the story right? And the shock value, Well I am hooked, might let the chapters add up, Cause it is so sad.

    48. This is so heartbreaking and sad but all the same brilliant and beautiful. If I had to comment on all the things I love in your writing and in this post, then this comment would be as long as the chapter :o)) But let me start by saying I love how you’re writing this chapter from Tina’s pov and showing she is only human (I think some readers has forgot)……The connection you very smooth made with your previous story was a stroke of genius, even if it wasn’t planned lol……I loved the way both Bette and Angle was sighing in sleep when T kissed them and Alice’s reaction to Bette was just what I had in mind – so was the way you described Bette not sleeping in her bedroom…..I think Tina has to be completely honest with Bette forward, its not okay saying she has not been listening to Bette’s messages and being mean about Bettes bruise and ask if she was drunk!!! And what about Henry, I doubt he’ll understand Tina staying the night?? Tina has definitely had a rude awakening, which was very needed!!! But I’ve hope cos Tina has realised her wrong behaviour and mistakes and knows she has to be there for Bette, not only tonight, but in the future as well. I’m looking forward to Bette waking up next to her daugther – I’ve faith in you to take care of our girls….BTW so sad to see the Levis being removed like that.

    52. This is SO painful to read. Just… ouch… It’s hard to imagine Bette like that, but, at the same time, it’s really the only plausible state I can see her in given the circumstances. I also think that there’s a glimmer of hope, given that Tina sees she needs to be there more than just that night. I’m just not sure how long it will take for them, or how willing Bette will be to let Tina back in, though I think she’d do it for Angel. Can’t wait to see more, even if it is heart-wrenching.

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