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Hindsight – Chapter 20
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I looked into those deep eyes, the eyes I became lost in every time mine met hers… The tears began to run from my eyes, how could I tell her all the things going around in my head and my heart, how could I even begin to regress into saying all the thoughts and feelings I had been ignoring over the last seven weeks and four days, how could I tell her that when I saw her yesterday outside the grocery store that all I wanted to do was run to her and throw my arms around her… how would I tell her those things…
She would think I was a fool, she would hate me for having put us all through this quagmire of emotional shit, because selfishly I knew it wasn’t just her that had suffered, she had suffered the most, I had no illusions of that, but in my own way I had suffered too, and so had Angelica, I had deprived her of seven weeks and four days without the intense, emotional love that Bette always gave her.
“You know that I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy…”
“I know…” I whispered, and I did know, wasn’t that why when I told her I had feelings for men that she told me to go and explore those feelings, wasn’t that why she always did all of those things when we were together to make me happy, she always went the extra mile for me, not even taking into account her own feelings.
My chest was pounding with her words, but not only her words but the look on her face, the emotions in her eyes, it was almost as if she was letting me go, as if she was confirming some thoughts she was having so she could let go of that last hope that we would reconcile, but didn’t she hear what I had said, I had told her how ‘I didn’t want to be lost to her’, I didn’t want to lose her from my life, I didn’t know how I would tell her or even if she would listen to me… listen to the things I had to say…
“I… I need to know… that everything… we went through was worth it…”
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this is a great story. you write their thought process so well! poor Tibette. but somehow i think they will make it. even if IC does not think so! please post soon.
Ha! Jo, i just love it when “usually very silent readers” feel the need to login and leave you a comment! Such is the effect your writing is having on us… Indeed, you and a couple others are the reason why I registered all those months ago! I just couldn’t go another day without telling you how talented you are! ;) Now, about the story… brillant as always! Damn Henry and his interruptions though… But hey, isn’t this all part of the great Master plan? (Ha, I hadn’t called you that in a while…) Glad to see Tina take the full measure of her actions, and hopefully start the repairing process… Thanks.
Incredible writing Jo. I know you want Bette and Tina to be together, I’m just intrigued as to how you are going to do it.
I wouldn’t have even answered the phone. If it was very important he’d call back.
Hey, again a wonderful and very emotional chapter – but suddenly that phone call didn’t seem like such a great idea!!!! LOL. Great you’re posting so soon, thanks.
AW MAN……U CANT LEAVE US HANGIN ROUND LIKE THAT….COME ON…..HOW BOUT ANOTHER CHAPPY TONIGHT FOR OL WILDIE???? HEHEHE…..I’LL BEG…..IM GOOD AT IT!!!!! LMAO……
Christ, Jo, your Tina is so infuriating I spilled Chicken Tika Masala down my front! When is she going to learn that just because Bette says she should go ahead with some crazy scheme, like exploring her feelings for men or taking calls in the midst of a momentous conversations, that she should actually go and do it? All I can say is it’s a good thing I’m wearing a cheap sweatshirt. So is Blondie going to shut the phone off and get down to brass tacks next chapter?
You’re amazing. Every chapter is brilliant. Not one letdown among them. PPS. I need to see Tina telling Bette that Henry was a huge mistake and that Tina needs her b/c she’s her soulmate. PPS.
Jobadge your killing me, I swear. Henry, needs to take a very long walk. Tina, OMG, woman just say it. You fucked up, your sorry, and more than anything you want to be with Bette and Angelica. The rest will fall into place. Bette loves you, of that their is no doubt.
Oh yes bring it on…have courage Tina to speak…have the courage Bette not to interrupt, let Tina get those words out…PPS
It breaks my heart to see Bette struggling with even the the normal process of breathing and now Tina standing so close but yet so far away. I hope that Tina will risk everything that she has to tell Bette the truth that has been swirling around in her soul. That is at least a start. Next she needs to move away from Henry and start to rebuild some sort of life with Angelica and the woman her owns her heart, Bette.
They can fix it, can’t they? Jo? Ouch…. :( I love, love, love this, even though it wears me out. Thanks for sharing your immense talent, as always.
Ok Tina stop the bulls**t. Just say what you have to say and move forward!!!! This was a little less painful to read.
Hendick need to be out of the picture!
Uh, another heart-wrenching chapter Jo. Thanks! I just hope that Tina will tell Bette. soon…
Lets see if even the ‘biggest mistake’ can be corrected. Thanks for writing it, Jobadge!
I am usually a very silent reader … who just want to thank you for all the emotions you put through this story. I can’t even start describing how talented you are.Also you answer the question I keep asking myself: how can these two characters can start being close again and maybe (hopefully) be in a relationship later on ? Your story is a perfect answer so far.Sorry if I am not clear but English is not my mothertongue … :-))
The beauty of this story takes my breath away…
I don’t blame Bette for wanting to know if Tina is happy. I guess if my life fell apart after the love of my life left me, I’d want to know if it was worth it. At least it would give Bette closure. I hope Tina will tell Bette about her feelings for her. PPS!
For Christ’s sake – just tell her Tina!
Thanks a lot for posting !!! Amazing story !!!
Goddamn Henry..and his phone call…so yeah come on Tina..answer the question!..Good one!
Jo, you keep torturing us with these 1 page chaps, huh? Brilliant, again. It touches our hearts. I am looking forward to see Tina telling Bette about her feelings and Bette really listening to her. Bette’s been so distressed that she is capable of not even absorbing what Tina wants to tell her.
Hi jo – gosh i haven’t been around for ages – reading this reminded me of what i’m missing! real life doesn’t leave much time for LWrd fantasies at the moment…I miss this! I see you & Ally still rule though!
Jo this story always drains me…it is so well written and emotionally draining but I can’t help but love it. Tina needs to answer Bette’s questions and tell her how she feels…Henry had better not come over there either. They need to talk…make em talk Jo.
as always brilliant and it must really take it out of you to write it xx
Sometimes words are hard to find… Words to say how sorry you are, words to write the wrongs, words to linger in the air, unpronouncable, nonexisting even. Sometimes just one word can make a difference, at others there are no words and just actions that make all the difference… Like this hug, or all the selfless acts… Jo, your writing is sublime… Pls don’t ever stop. HUG
i hope that Tina find the courage to tell Bette that she did the biggest mistake of her life but the most important that she wants so much fix it and want her in her life! great chapter you don’t stop to amazing me with your wonderful story