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Hindsight – Chapter 23
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“I don’t know…”
“I’m here for you T…” but in what capacity I had no idea, all that pain and loss I had gone through, the complete and utter devastation that had been the life of Bette Porter in the last months, and now… another bombshell to add to the mix…
“I know Bette, but I’ve already hurt you so much…”
“Tina…, please… don’t shut me out…”
“I’m not shutting you out, I just don’t know what to do at the moment, I am so messed up that I just need… some time… does that make sense…?”
I smiled at her, “yeah… it makes sense…”
I thought it made perfect sense, maybe she had come to realise that her recent life hadn’t been thought through thoroughly before she had jumped into the world of suburban heterosexuality, maybe she hadn’t realised what affect it would have on so many aspects of her life, and it had affected every aspect…, her family of friends, her work… I had heard snippets from Alice, oddments of Tina’s new life, and I had listened intently when I had allowed her close enough, because it had affected me too, I had isolated myself in my home and in my loneliness, but Alice had invaded that space on a couple of occasions, and although I wanted to know about Tina and Angelica, it always became to hard to listen to and invariably I always told her that I didn’t want to hear anymore… it was too painful.
“Can we… can we just go to the park and just… spend that quality time together with Angelica…?” she said to me in a voice that melted my heart, that intense pain that I had been feeling…, as the day had to progress, it seemed to have dimmed… just slightly, but I could tell the difference.
“Of course… why don’t you get the food sorted and I’ll change Angelica…”
She smiled at me, the relief on her face was so obvious, she let out a deep breath as her shoulders also seemed to relax, “yeah… the food… I’ll go and do that now…, are you sure you’re okay sorting out Angie…?”
I smiled back at her, nodding my head slightly as I answered, our gaze was intense, there were words there…, in her eyes, and I saw them, just like I used to… “I’m fine…”
“Okay…”
“Okay…” our eyes remained fixated and my heart was pounding in a rhythm it wasn’t used to, not recently anyway…
She motioned with her hand, “I should uh… you know… um… get the food sorted…” she was smiling that crooked grin…
“Yeah… I uh… need to get Angie ready…” I turned then, finally breaking eye contact with her, as difficult as it was we needed to proceed with our day together.
“Bette…?”
I turned as she spoke, “yeah…”
“Thank you…” she said quietly.
“”What for…?”
“Everything…” she said just that one word, but I knew how much more was included in that singular word; it was loaded with so many other things.
“You’re welcome…”
“Mama…”
I looked down at those eyes, the eyes of our daughter who was oblivious to the giants steps that had just been made in front of her, “come on boo boo, let’s get you ready while your mommy prepares us a feast for the park…” she giggled at the words, not evening understanding the monumental occasion of us sharing an afternoon in the park together, and what it meant to us as a family.
I walked with her to the bedroom, and I wondered… I wondered whether that jigsaw puzzle of my heart would ever have all the pieces back together, where they belonged.
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Again a heart wrenching chapter…but as always..i see hope there ..i do!…Nice one!
This is such a wonderful story, love the way they are talking to each other. Please post again soon.
I have a feeling the question of Henry is going to be addressed again, sooner rather than later… And I, for one, would like to see Tina give a better answer than “I don’t know.”
Tina, Tina, Tina the shall set you free. Now get in there and embrace it instead of your usual modus operandus of running like the wind from it. It may not be as attractive as Bette, but you’ve got to go there before you can really and fully embrace her again.
The truth, that is.
Sweet chapter Jo, and finally no tears – mine that is! Tina’s got some rough weather ahead of her and she’s right it’s going to take some time to row through it. Hopefully it will be the exact length of time it takes to allow all the pieces of Bette’s heart to heal back together. You’re so good Jo! Thank you!
YES!!!! the puzzle will fit back together, just don’t force the pieces til they are ready!!! YES!!!
god i love your writing and this fic…..amazing…post soon….ooo and make it much, much longer…..i won’t mind!!! =0)
I’d like to see a better answer than “I don’t know” as well. Who knew an article could set someone free? LOL@funnyone! xD
Boo Boo is going to help mommy piece back her mamma’s heart one puzzle pieace at a time. It will take a while but at least it is a step in the right direction.
I love this story. It’s always painfully short (and I do mean painful), but every chapter is well worth reading, and the emotion it evokes just reels the reader in. Now, please post soon so they can finally get to the park. :)
That one made my heart warm..thanks Jo.
Hey, Jo, you’re the shiznit. Every chapter is brilliant.
I keep repeating myself when I leave you a comment… I’m gonna stop sayin’ this was great and bla bla bla. You probably already know it. :P Good step with this chap. Take care, Jo.
Like B said “I see hope there” and maybe after they get themselves back together maybe they will get back together. I will always hold out hope for B&T. Great update
A joy to read.
All the pieces of the puzzle will fit together again, if you do it carefully and dont try to make it fit until both are sure. Love that they are at least talking without angry. thanks
Think the word should be anger thanks
They’re making such good progress. You’re breaking my heart, but it looks good for them if they have the courage to try again… oh, and of course, once Tina gets Henry the hell out of her life. I think Bette might get all the pieces back yet… LOVE IT SO MUCH.
Jobadge, if anyone can put that jigsaw puzzle back together again…it’s you! You can do it!!! LOL! PS.
I LOVE the dual perspective… it is working very well… it makes me crave for that next chapter even more. Thanks.
where they belong… Perfect end of a perfect chapter Jo… the jigsaw of Bettes heart however is entwined with Tina’s, and to let all th pieces of that puzzle fit, their hearts need to find that perfect rhythm again, where two becomes one… Thank you! PPS!
WOW!!! Very powerful Chapter. Thank you PPS I love the way you write.
This is only my second post on a story on this board and that fact says everything about how much I love this one. I needed to let you know about the lyrics of a song which fits your story amazingly well. I think it expresses the actual, though not yet fully revealed, feelings and thoughts of both characters:ALRIGHTWipe those tears away from your eyesJust take my hand, you don’t have tocryIt’ll be alright, baby, I’ll make italrightDon’t let the world get you downReach for the love that’s all aroundIt’ll be alright, baby, we’ll make italrightI’ll pick you up when you’re feelingdownI’ll put your feet back on solid groundI’ll pick you up and I’ll make youstrongI’ll make you feel like you stillbelongCause it’s alright, it’s alright, letme make it alright, make it alrightStay with me tonight, stay with metonightSometimes the words well they’re justnot enoughAfraid of feelings and in need of loveBR>To make it alright, baby, I’ll make italrightWhere will you run to, where will youhideI know the pain comes from deep downinside, but it’ll be alright, baby,we’ll make it alright, babyLet me make it alright, Make it alrightLet me make it alright, Make it alrightStay with me tonight, stay with metonightIt’s alright, it’s alrightIt’s alright, it’s alrightIt’s alright, to stay with me tonightI’ll pick you up when you’re feelingdownI’ll put your feet back on solid groundI’ll pick you up and I’ll make youstrongI’ll make you feel like you stillbelongCause it’s alright, it’s alright, letme make it alright, make it alrightStay with me tonight, stay with metonightIt’s alright, it’s alrightIt’s alright, it’s alrightIt’s alright, to stay with me tonightWipe those tears away from your eyesSorry for the long post!I’m looking forward to the next chapters.
I agree with the sentiment that “I don’t know” just don’t cut it anymore. When they come back from the park I hope Tina DOES KNOW something cause they need to talk and she needs to come home. So it shall be written so it shall be done…lol. More please.
God I love this fic Job. I love the pace of it, its not moving to slow, and its not moving too fast..just perfect! I want Tina to be sure of her decisions in life, and she needs Time to process her mistakes, and Bette needs time as well. LOve it. Please more!
Great job Jobadge, really enjoying this story.
Lots should happen at the park!
Way to fricken short Jo, but I luved it!PPS
Well Jo, This tale is so full of mistakes and miscommunications from both Bette and Tina that it is no so refreshing and gut wrenching to see them both making the tentative steps back to one another. Bette was unravelled and destroyed by the loss of her love and her child while Tina, desperate to feel something different made the mistake of thinking that a man could provide it. I think that seeing the effect of their breakup with some distance has illuminated them it to appreciating what they originally had. Sad to realize that you don’t miss the water until the well run dry but that is exactly what has occurred here. The major bonus heer is that they are now ready to talk and tell each other the truth. What was once broken may be fixed with a lot of love and dedication, a little truth and reality check and a helluva load of hard work. I do think that the gals are up for this as the rewards outweigh the effort. Thank you for carrying on with this wonderful writing and overcoming the petty annoyances for some readers. I appreciate every word. Many thanks from Your Loyal Fan.
Great they’re talking and you’re so right – this day and Tinas answers are huge steps for them. Good one mate…and I can’t wait for you to make all the pieces to the puzzle come together where they really belong!!!
again…Great chaprter, thank you. Whenever I see a new chapter posted on this story I have to sit down and read it really slowly begging for the end of the page to be as far away as possible. I love everything about the story, the same events seen from 2 different POV’s and the powerful words get all my emotions going! Thank you again…
Awesome as always!
I’m a long time reader- but first time commenter. I just wanted to let you know how amazing I think this story is. It pulls me in so much that I feel like I’m in the room watching bette and tina go through this. I can picture their faces and I feel what they are feeling. This all leads me to believe that you must be an amazing writer to make me feel all that. So keep it coming cause I’m a huge fan! take care!
You did it again, Jo… (talking about that first-time-comment urge!) Right, I personnally think that “I don’t know” is a great answer to the question about Henry. I mean… If asked about Bette, I’m sure Tina would have a lot of things to say, but “I don’t know” surely wouldn’t be one of them…!
wow….intense they are.
Aww family go to the park and hope hendick not interrupt them again!