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    Hindsight – Chapter 3

    Story written on November 24, 2006 by Jobadge.
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    Number of Comments: 37
    Words: 5738
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=63327
    Author Notes:

    Bette Porter: My dreams were always so deep, on her pillow… on her pillow was where I weep…

     

    A sadness swept over me as I wondered… how long was she back in my life for, just today… for tomorrow… for a week or a month… or however long Tina decided to allow me to spend time with my daughter…

     

    I kissed the curls once again as I feel the little fingers playing with my hair, she always loved to do that, it seemed to sooth her, she hadn’t forgotten, my eyes welled as I thanked the lord that she hadn’t forgotten…

     

    What had happened last night, it popped back into my mind, I remember Tina appearing, asking how I hurt my head, I seemed to recall she asked if I fell when I was drunk, how wrong she was… would I ever put her right on the injury, probably not, she could think whatever she liked, it didn’t seem to matter what I said anymore, she wasn’t interested, so why would now be any different, she was telling me how I had no right to take her daughter, how I didn’t know how it felt, that’s the last thing I remember, telling her how I did know how it felt, how for seven weeks and four days I felt it every single moment, those seven weeks had felt like an eternity to me, how could she possibly think I didn’t know how it felt…

     

    My mind went blank after that, I can’t remember anything until I stirred this morning, lying with the pain in my head and eyes, then being sick, sitting on the cold bathroom floor recovering after a night I had no recollection of, I had no idea how Angelica got here, whether she was here last night or whether they came this morning, but she had her pj’s on, that either meant they slept here or came by early, but Angelica wasn’t with Tina last night, she was on her own, oh fuck… I am so confused, I’m not sure my pounding head will even let me analyse the why’s and wherefores, does it even matter, to a certain extent no, but something must of happened for them to be here, that’s presuming Tina is here, she wouldn’t just leave Angelica surely…

     

    Oh shit… last night… someone must of undressed me… did I do it or did someone else do it, I seem to be hearing Kit’s voice for some reason, did she undress me… god I hate it when I can’t remember… I really have to stop drinking… there are more and more occasions where I have blanks in my life, I know I wanted to blank things out, but to have chunks missing where I don’t even recall a single thing is not good… not good at all Porter, I chastised myself, I really had to try and get some kind of grip over my life, but it was so hard to do on my own… without them in my life…

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    Comments

    1. Please don’t apologise for the delay in posting. When you come back with an episode like this – well, it’s just breath-taking, and heart-breaking, but so, so beautifully, powerfully written. I do so hope that Bette’s heart can be mended – and that Tina is the one to do it. Thanks so much for this story.

    2. Wow Jo this was amazing. Bette is so broken it’s sad. Angelica will help her heal. I can see Kit’s anger and raise it a notch…I hope Tina can see what she has had a hand in. Question…is she back cause she feels sorry for Bette or because she loves her? Technically she’s still with Henry right? Only one night has passed…so what happens next? We will be anxiously waiting.

    4. Jo, everything about this current story is a slap in the face, cold arctic water splashed over you…It’s wonderful, heartbreaking, true reality, wonderful. Just when I don’t think you can surpass even your own great writing….You do, and with a slam dunk. Your writing inspires…what I’m not sure in me, but I feel the energy, I only wish I could put words to paper as you to talently do…Thanks just doesn’t seem adequate enough…but thanks!!!

    5. Damn this is so painful and emotional, good that Angel is back to her MamaB and hope forever. Hope Tina and Bette will talk and work thing out. Ok post soon please, thanks!

    7. I can NOT believe what i am now feeling from written words on a page…and not being physically involved in the described current quagmire myself.you have so exquisitely belayed the pain of separation. brutally poignant. if alley loves you to bits then so do i. sue

    8. Your writing is amazing. I can really feel Bette’s pain. And now for the first time I think Tina does too. How two women who love each other beyond comprehension can be so devastatingly cruel is incomprehensible. Bette may be the flashier of the two but Tina is most definitely the tougher and more vindictive one. I always know that your stories are going to be a great read. PPS on this story.

    9. wow amazing!. Im happy with the small step..Bette needs to live again and Angel is there to help but im sure although Tina made her suffer keeping their daughter away..Bette still love, want and need Tina too. I wonder what will happen. Post soon :D

    10. you don’t stop to amazing me! this chapter has a lot of different feelings, anger, sad, hope and you manage to put them all together in a wonderful way.

    12. Every time I get the chance (or maybe I should say priviledge) to read those words, those fragments of a life, love and loss so heartbreaking, I feel tears in my throat and heart… And yet, that burning sensation, that wrenching of my heart, it feels great because I know its you who’s giving us this story, and I know you’ll be able to fix it… My dear Jobadge, you are a genius (a thing that must have been said a million times) Thank you… thank you…

    13. The overwhelming physical pain that Bette feels helps to cover up some of the emtional pain. Soft suicide allows one to go on with life but to slowly end their life without bringing to much attention to them. Hopefully now with Angelica holding tightly to Bette she will once again start to live. Whatever happens with Tina at least Angelica is there to hold her mother (Bette).

    14. Once again you have blown me away with your writing. I check several times a day for this story and I’m over joyed when I see you’ve posted. Such and touching story…heartbreaking and yet full of hope for me. It will be a long road, but I’m sure you’ll find a way to mend their broken hearts. PPS…you’re the best!

    16. What a great chapter. The world is still spinning isn’t it? These two say so much with just a look, a movement their silence . You capture it all so well. The inner thoughts, the outer turmoil. Thank you so for your talent and the fact you share it with us.

    18. I’d been wondering where you’d gone. Sorry to hear about the migraines, they suck beyond description. As preventatives I’ve had doctors recommend a daily full strength, enteric coated aspirin (to control inflammation) and magnesium supplements. Now if you can get out of work and DIYs, you should be OK, as I’ve found work related stress another big factor. Hormones too, but that’s another story. And even though I was forarmed with my old lady glasses, I believe I detect a larger font, for which I thank you. I was not forarmed about Bette puking again, I was eating my dinner while reading that. Should I thank you again? I prefer restraint to violence in most cases, but defense of family is one of the few exceptions, so “a good crack” as my father used to say from Kit is justified, and given Tina’s selfishness, deserved. Your description of Bette’s pain rang very true.

    23. WOW Job.What a heartbreaking chapter.The love,the loss,the pain,etc.I Can’t help but to feel bad for all involved especially Bette and Angelica,and even Tina. Your writing always paints pictures for the reader.Amazing. Kit slapping Tina for all the hurt and pain she’s caused her baby sister was uncalled for,but perfectly understandable. There’s so much history with these 2 lovers, and your writing describes it perfectly. Angelica is finally back with her Momma,as it should be. PPS. Love this fic.

    25. Awesome once again, Jo–such heart-rending pain… It wasn’t right, but I sure understand why Kit slapped Tina! This is such a powerful story…hope you won’t have such a big gap before the next installment!

    26. who knew so much pain could be so compelling. maybe it’s that you always weave in just a dash of hope. i have no idea how you do it but i’m really glad that you have and share the gift. thanks so much.

    28. Man I wish I was Kit’s hand! Remember I am not an advocate for violence but Tina had it coming! Hopefully that knocked some sense into her on top of the sense she was getting. You know reading Bette’s POV, makes me not feel one fucking once of sympathy for Tina, the F-ing bitch. Somehow I just know your going to have me liking her.lol The tender moment between Bette and Angie was very sweet and touching. I am so awaiting the talk between them and please don’t have Bette be fainting all over the place. Post soon!

    30. Whoa. That was intense. Heartache, a slow realisation of the situation at hand, a poignant reunion, and a much needed slap. A lot to take in, but a well worth it. Great stuff, Jo. I’ll be reading when you post again. Cheers

    31. what am emotional heartbreaker, the scene with angelica and bette was so amazing and so real, i just hope tina will realize that bette needs her in her life as well as angelica to heal

    32. this is very hard to read which is why everyone should. so many writers sugar coat B/T which is fair enough but what you have wrote J is reality — your writing always brings the strongest emotions in me and this was just as powerful. if B/T are to get together they need to sink this low. thank you for being so brave as to write something so true. i just love you to bits == clam tendencies or not. you brighten my mornings at work with your txts. hope you feel better babe xx

    36. Holy cow, that was fantastic mate, I loved the hopeful Bette at the end. I’ve waited to hear about Bette thinking of her T, that not all was about missing her daughter, that gave me hope for them :o)) The first scene with Bette and Angel was so sweet and Kit slapping Tina…..what can I say….she deserved it, but I didn’t like it.

    37. Wow… Simply amazing! You so vividly capture the wide range of emotions that Bette experiences throughout the episode. And that last scene when Tina and Bette are staring at each other, and Tins says I’m sorry”… OMFG, how perfect !

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