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    Hindsight – Chapter 30

     

     

    I put the bags into the carrier of the stroller and folded the blanket; I walked with the stroller to where Tina was lifting Angelica out of the swing…

     

     

    “You wanna walk with her?” she asked me.

     

     

    “Sure…”

     

     

    We walked, with me holding Angelica’s hand and Tina pushing the empty stroller, our steps were slow as Angelica stopped every few steps to pick up a stray leaf and examine it, a few more steps and her inquisitiveness was with the grass, then the children playing…

     

     

    I glanced at Tina, noticing how she was quiet, her eyes were casting thoughtful gazes on our surroundings, I noticed her intermittent deep breaths…

     

     

    “Are you okay?”

     

     

    She looked around at me, my voice seeming to interrupt her thoughts.

     

     

    “Uh… yeah… I’m okay…”

     

     

    “You don’t look it…”

     

     

    She gave a slight laugh, she pursed her lips together and sighed, “I just…, I never expected today to happen…”

     

     

    “I think it’s safe to say that I didn’t either…”

     

     

    “No… I’m sure…”

     

     

    “What went through your mind when you saw me yesterday?”

     

     

    “I think the first thing was disbelief…”

     

     

    I nodded and gave an ironic laugh, “yeah… that passed through my mind too…”

     

     

    “Were you mad that I came around last night?” she asked me.

     

     

    “No… not that you came around…, the thing that made me see red was that you didn’t seem to understand how I felt without Angelica in my life…”

     

     

    “I’m sorry…”

     

     

    “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain what it was like…”

     

     

    “I want you to try…”

     

     

    I looked at her then, I would try… try to explain the nuances of my life without them in it, but would she really want to know all the gory details, would she want to know how I slid my fingers down my throat to excrete the pure junk I hadn’t long swallowed, the empty calories that I knew wouldn’t stay in my body for more than minutes…, did she want to know how I sat by the pool looking at their photos as I smoked…, as I drew in that nicotine until my chest hurt, how I laid back in the chair and blew the blue tinged smoke into the sky with tears streaming down my face…, would she want to know how I drank until I couldn’t even stand up straight, and when I couldn’t drink anymore I would squeeze that little bit more down and then stumble to the bathroom and pass out…, would she want to know how many times I had woken upon the bathroom floor with my clothes stained with the previous nights vomit…

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    Comments

    1. Of course… No plain sailing for B&T. Why *wouldn’t* perfect wee Mikey make an appearance? I wonder if Daddy Hank isn’t afoot as well? You’ll have to post again, please, as soon as, Jo. You can’t leave it there… (well, you just did, didn’t you?)

    2. Promise me that nobody fucks Mickey! Now granted this is the first time they’ve been together in a long while and a park isn’t on a sunny, busy day isn’t the optimal setting, but they really need to start qpening up to each other.

    3. Dam Jo…I knew you were gonna do this, but I thought T was gonna see Henry watching them from a distance. They can’t have just one little trip to the park huh??? I think they should have gone to the beach! Maybe they could have found some smooth sailing there! LOL! Alright Jo…now you’ve got to get them past this and help Tina make her climb up the hill to Bette as quickly as possible. Kinda like ripping off a bandaid…the quicker you do it, the less painful it is. Thanks for this and all your wonderful stories Jo. You’re awesome!

    4. Expect smooth sailing from you? Never. Just don’t make it too bad, ok? I don’t know why I’m so addicted to you breaking my heart, but here I am, yet again. ;) Looking forward to more, Jo, thanks!

    5. If Henry is with Mikey then you know damn goodin’ well that he is looking for Tina. She mentioned to Henry that they were going to the park. I hope that this stirres Tina into action a hell of a lot faster than she had intended. Hopefully, Tina will lean on Bette to help her get her life back in order again (with Bette). The uphill battle may have just gotten a little easier if Henry is checking up on her. It sounds like Henry already knows that Tina is leaving him and he is out to hold onto her (not playing fair).

    6. I hope Tina can climb that mountain…she needs to rip that band-aid quickly and talk to Henry before Mikey runs and tells…Jo I feel bad cause I went to vote today and I was locked out…sigh…that sucks.

    7. Caught up again–Jo, you gave it away with the “no smooth sailing” comment, but I figured that Henry would show up. Now that these girls have said what’s in their hearts, I think they will be able to overcome whatever obstacles are put before them. Time and love are on their side, and I trust that you will not break our hearts!

    8. e is a good kid. he was just being a child.wanting something normal in his life a family. Czn’t fault him. Tina and Bette has gotten along so well in the last 24 hrs. Dont like it be Henry,if it is Tina will be very angry,because he knew where they would be,but he might be with his Mother. Tina is going to be angry anyway it goes. thanks

    9. Smooth sailing…? with you…? Jo…. never! And why would we want that? You write drama, need, pain and ache in such gut wrenching but beautiful ways. Odd, I know, but I find myself wanting more of the B/T grief (with that touch of Jobadge signature tenderness)… are you turning me into a masochist here? The horror!!! LOL…Mikey, huh? Tina just can’t catch a break… Thank you, Jo!

    10. The words “smooth sailing” aren’t in your vocabulary mate, that would be to easy and no real challenge for you!!! But I think you forgot to tell Ed about this LOL

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