At first  I  naively thought that the love I  we shared would be enough if she could just get the help  from doctor’s Marin’s laugh was bitter Oh to be young and that dumb again. She got worse and had less and less lucid moments.   Often I would visit she had no clue  I was there I don’t know which broke my heart  more to see her like that or not to go at all.  My visits became less and less only  because her sister saw what it was doing to me. My last  two visit were great little did I  know that it would be the last time I would hear her voice.  I was told that she had be come more coherent so I dropped everything and stated to visit as much as they would let me. I thought  this is the moment I have dreamed of she will be able to go home soon. We talked about everything and nothing all at once. Most of the time I was just happy to have he back, let her talk. But I also told her all of things I wanted to because in the back of my mind I was scared it would be the last time. 

January 1999 a day I love and loath that was my last visit I had been there all  day  as it wore on  she seam to  drift a bit but a few min later she would be fine. I told her I need to get the doctor.   Sophia said no she knew what was wrong there was nothing that anyone could do.

 I just wish we had more time, it came and went to fast.   

 "I asked what she was talking about she was getting better we had plenty of time".

   "No we don’t I took a drug that would give me this last month with you and lily. It is starting to  be  less effective I am slipping back in to a world of silence".  

 "No I pled with her that we could try more drugs I wont let you go again I said to her".  

 "You don’t have a choice again now listen  I did this because I love you both and wanted, need to say good bye to you. I want you  not visit me after today, I wont be here it will just be a shell and that will only  hurt you . No matter how much we fight it life will go on  I want you to as well. She hand me the box with letters in it. She also told me that I was her power of attorney. Lily was  pregnat at the time and did not need the stress that this would cause. I know you will do what needs to be done when the time come even if you don’t know that right now". said Sophia  

Six months ago she was assaulted by a orderly and is  pregnant