When I think back to the time Tina and I first went to a club together, it reminded me of how innocent Tina had been. She hadnt been exposed to the lifestyle we are now living. I remember her being nervous and scared as we entered Milk, and how everyone was checking her out. When I think about that first time, my heart just melts. She was unsure of how to handle all the coming invitations but handled them pretty well. We both get jealous at certain times whenever the other was presented an opportunity. Well that was then. We are more stable now and very much solid. I love the fact that people still steal glances at us. People always comment on how suited we are and how good a match we are. I am very proud to have Tina in my life. Even after those long years of being together, I still crave for her. There wasnt a day that went by that I didnt feel loved and didnt feel any love for her.

I look at her as she sleeps next to me. A few strands of hair covering her face. I place the strands of hair neatly tucked behind her ears; she stirred.

Bette: Shhh baby go back to sleep.

Tina: What time is it?

Bette: Its only three.

Tina: Why are you up?

Bette: I just couldnt sleep.

Tina: Whats wrong?

Tina sat up and yawned. I just love her so much.

Bette: There isnt anything wrong. I was just thinking of the first time we went out with the girls to the club you remember?

Tina: Yeah I remember You were so mad Bette

Bette: Yeah I was

(After Milk)

What the ***** was she thinking going out with that stupid *****? I thought she looked like trouble! Two-faced *****! Didnt she know I was with Tina? And I know Alice likes her quite a lot I can tell. My thoughts were interrupted by Tina.

Tina: Babe are you ok?

Bette: I dont know Tee. What do you think of Gabby?

Tina: Huh? Why do you ask me that? Is everything ok?

Bette: Your first impression of Gabby?

Tina: WellShes prettyHmm…

I looked at her shocked! Well not really shocked I know Gabbys pretty and all but urgh I just couldnt believe what she did!

Tina: Oh sweetie come on

Bette: Shes pretty alright! Pretty damn hurtful!

Tina: What are you talking about Bette? Where are you going with this?

I parked the car just in front of Tinas apartment. I sat quietly in the car. Not sure why I was acting this way. Maybe it was more than what happened. Whatever happened at Milk tonight wasnt something unusual but having Tina there made all the difference. People coming up to her telling her of my reputation, making her confused.

Tina listened intently as I told her what happened

I was washing my hands at the sink when I saw Gabby getting out of one of the stalls with Michelle. She gave Michelle one last kiss before turning to me. Michelle left and Gabby washed her hands. She looked at me and suddenly pushed me to the wall.

Bette: What the ***** are you doing Gabby?

Gabby: What? This?

Bette: Get off me!

Gabby: Oh come on Bette, youre never one to turn down any openings

How dare she!

Bette: Youre right I dont unless its desperate people like you!

Gabby just moved herself closer to me laughing and smiling at the same time. I pushed her away, she stumbled back nearly falling to the floor.

Bette: I need to get back there

Gabby: To Tina?

Bette: Yes to Tina. And arent you going back to Alice?

Gabby: Maybe

Bette: Maybe? I thought youve been going out with Alice for a while now? And what was that with Michelle?

Gabby: Oh come on Bette! Its not like youve never done it before!

I didnt know what to say. Sure Ive been out with women in relationships but that was different. They come to me without me having to force them. PLUS I would never go out with anyone if I was seeing someoneBut Gabby? Thats a totally opposite thing! Shes playing Alice!!!

Bette: Alice is my dear friend and I dont want her to get hurt.

Gabby: Come on Bette. Al is a big girl… and so is TinaYou stole her from her boyfriend didnt you? I know the whole *****!

Gabby leaned in and kissed me. ***** this will get me into trouble AGAIN! I pushed her off.

Bette: What the ***** do you think youre doing?

Gabby: Just having a taste! You know, you and Tina wont last. Youll still be YOU, out on the prowl for your latest conquest! Youll never tire of your old habits Bette! It isnt you to be tied down so easily And especially by someone who recently turned *****!!!

Bette: Shut up Gabby. Leave us alone

I stormed out just after I checked myself in the mirror. I didnt want everyone to see what happened.

While I was telling the whole story to Tina, her eyebrows furrowed and she nodded at appropriate timings. She was quiet and so was I. Tina was one to break the silence

Tina: Bette? Are you going to tell Alice?

Bette: I dont know Should I?

Tina: I think she will freak out. Is that what you wanted to talk to her about?

Bette: Yeah, why? You think we shouldnt tell her?

Tina: No what I mean is, maybe shes just having fun with Gabby? You know just going out

I looked at Tina. She got a point. Maybe I should relax a little bit and see if anythings going on between Alice and Gabby. Maybe theyre just going out casually. But then I know Alice she doesnt really do the dating game. Shes into relationships And with Gabby? She might end up getting hurt! I get neurotic when it comes to possibilities of my friends getting hurt. But what of Gabby kissing me? Surely Tina would be mad!!! ***** she took it the wrong way when she saw Mel kissing me!

Bette: Youre not mad?

Tina: Huh?

Bette: Youre not mad at me?

Tina: Oh Bette! Why would I be mad at you? If anything Id be mad at Gabby for doing that!!!

I felt a little relieved when I heard Tina say that.

Tina: Bette? Maybe we should go inside ok?

Bette: Ok.

As we entered Tinas apartment I thought about what Tina just said. Maybe shes just having fun with Gabby, You know, just going out I looked at Tina who was busying herself getting wine from the kitchen. What does she think of us? Are we just having fun? I know its only been a day but considering I lay my cards out and poured my heart to her like Ive never done before, Im actually pretty scared of where were going. I dont want to get hurt. Ive never actually felt THE hurt, even when I left Melanie or Alice; the only two relationships Ive been in and both ended with us being good friends. Alice and I, were just too different. Melanie and I were a bit too much. Both of us have different priorities. But with Tina, I could see myself either be the happiest woman if she decided to stay with me or the most heartbroken if she ever leaves me.

Tina walked over to hand me the glass.

Tina: You feel ok? You look kinda lost!

I do? Of course I do. I took a swig of the alcohol in hand feeling the rush as it entered my body, trying to find a place to soothe myself. Im scared. Im scared that one day Tina will realize that this wasnt what she wanted. This isnt the life she was made for. And what about the feelings I have for her? Then what am I supposed to be doing with them? I looked at her not sure of what to say

Bette: Tee

Tina: Yeah?

I wanted to ask her where this will go, wanted to ask her if shed stay with me always, wanted to ask her if shes happy But Im so scared of what she might say and so scared of what she might think of me. Things are going well I dont want to jinx it. I dont know what was wrong with me, Ive never felt insecure about my life and the moment I allowed myself to feel for Tina, my insecurities get the best of me. So I said the one true and honest thing that I couldnt stop thinking about tonight.

Bette: You look really lovely tonight.

Tina: Why thank you Bette, youve more than complemented me tonight.

I looked at her wanting to hold her and take her right then and there. But I know it wasnt my call, it was Tinas. So I have to take things slow.

Bette: Tee

Tina: Yeah Bette?

Bette: Its late Maybe I should be going

Tina looked at me for a second with a straight face and then smiled. She took my wine glass and placed them on the table. I grabbed my jacket and closed the distanced between us.

Bette: Youll be ok here tonight?

Tina: Yeah

Bette: You sure?

Please say you want me to stay forever!

Tina: Yeah

Bette: Okay

I wanted so much to stay here with her. We dont need to be having anything tonight. Id be very happy even if she just let me hold her to sleep. But I knew I had to take things slow So I leaned in and kissed her. I lightly bit her bottom lip savoring the taste I would truly miss tonight in my bed. The kiss was passionate and sweet. As we both came up for air Tina blushed. God I just love this face, this person everything about her. Please say stay!!!

Bette: Good night Tee.

Tina opened the door for me and I reluctantly stepped out. Ok, I will go home tonight

Tina: Night Bette, give me a call when you get home ok?

Bette: I will

I walked towards the elevator and as the door closed behind me, I let out a huge sigh. I licked my bottom lip; mmmm I can still taste her Never had I held myself back for anything or anyone before. My sense of self control is withering away with every minute spent near Tina. Tina is one very special lady I smiled to myself, feeling rather proud that I was able to hold back and drove home with none other than Tina in my mind