The two women spent the rest of the afternoon walking up and down the beach, running away from the water every time a wave came close to their toes, laughing and being playful, delighting in each others company. Somewhere along the way, Bette had reached over, and like she was holding onto a precious gift, she had taken Tina’s hand in hers. And, as they continued walking, neither one had let go…even when one of them had bent down to pick up a shell, their hands remained clasped lovingly together.

Their conversation had been just what you would expect from these two women, who shared such a deep connection. They talked about who they had become as people over the years, how they were different from when they were last together…how they were the same. They talked about current events, both expressing their happiness over the new federal law, which negated The Defense of Marriage Act, making it legal for ***** and lesbians to marry with full federal benefits. Tina shared stories of her children, Bette talked about Milaine’s studies, and how she was already nervous about her being so far away in Italy for a whole year. They spent the afternoon reconnecting, even more so than they had the previous days, both relishing in the fact that the love they had shared the first time around, was not only still there, but as each moment past, it was growing stronger and deeper. And with each step they took in the soft, warm sand, Bette was able to feel a little bit more at peace with the picture of her future that was spread out before her.

They were just coming back to their blanket and cooler, having decided that they had both had enough sun for one day. Bette had something she wanted to ask Tina, but she wasn’t sure how she would respond. It was important though, and after their wonderful afternoon, she was feeling more relaxed, more confident. “Tina, I was wondering if it would be ok with you if I spent the evening by myself tonight? I have some phone calls to make to the East coast, and well…I think that I might not be very good company afterwards.”

Tina looked at Bette with a puzzled look. After spending such a fantastic day together, she didn’t want them to have to separate, and was curious as to whom Bette would be talking to that would have a such a negative effect on her, that she wouldn’t want company. “Bette?”

Bette understood Tina’s concern. “It will be ok Tina, I just need to do this, and with the three hour time difference, I need to call within the next couple of hours, before it gets too late. Do you mind? I know that Milaine will be here the day after tomorrow, but we will have all day tomorrow together.”

Tina relaxed, knowing that even though Bette was here with her, she still had two very successful and demanding galleries to run, and so far, other than her calls to Milaine, she hadn’t taken any time out to work this whole week. In fact, now that Tina thought about it, she didn’t ever remember a time in their past, where Bette would have spent this much time away from work without either making multiple phone calls during the day, or spending hours on her laptop, researching…e-mailing. ‘She really has changed so much. She has learned to adjust her priorities, and obviously had put them in the right order.’ Tina suspected she had Nica to thank for that. She was amazed by how she continually felt her love deepen, for a woman that she already loved with every ounce of her being.

“That’s fine. I’ll just drop you off. I need to take the cooler home anyway and unload it.”

Bette reached out and gently laid her hand over Tina’s heart…just holding it there for a moment. “Thanks Tina.”

When they got back to the hotel, Bette had her hand on the car door, but didn’t pull on it, because she was having second thoughts about spending the evening without Tina. While they had been walking along the beach, she understood that she never wanted to be without Tina in her life again. She didn’t know what that meant as far as the logistics of it all, but she knew that no matter what, they would be together. But, she also knew that she had to let go and come to peace with her love for Nica before that could happen, and she felt confident the phone call tonight would help. She turned to Tina. “Thank you Tina, for making this day so perfect. I wish I could invite you up, but I need to take care of some things first. I’ll call you in the morning. Ok?”

Tina brought her hand up and stroked the side of Bette’s face. “I had a good time too. Don’t worry about tonight. Take care of whatever it is you need to do, and we’ll talk in the morning. In fact, why don’t I take you to breakfast?”

Bette smiled at that thought, and moved her lips so she could kiss Tina’s hand. Ok T. Good night.”

“Good night Baby.”

~ ~ ~

Bette had changed into her robe and was curled up on the couch with the phone still beside her. Tears were streaming down her face, but they were tears of release, tears of relief…tears of love. She had just ended a long and emotional phone call with the one person she felt could help her with her guilt, besides Tina. Leslie had been just as much a sister to Bette as she had been to Nica. They had grown so close during the 11 years Bette and Nica had been together, and after Nica’s death, Leslie had stepped in and had provided Bette and Melanie with just as much love and comfort as they had provided her. They were still a very close family.

Laying her head onto the back of the sofa, she closed her eyes, thinking back to their conversation. Leslie had been happy to hear from her, excited to hear about how her time with Tina was going.

“Well, how is she? Is it all that you had hoped for?”

Bette had hesitated before answering, but only for a moment. “Oh Leslie, it’s wonderful. Tina has been so great, showing me all around. This city really is beautiful, and even though I have been here before on business, this is my first chance to play tourist.” She stopped for a moment and Leslie sensed that she was uncomfortable about something. “And?”

Bette blew out a breath. “And, Tina and I are reconnecting in a way that feels even better and stronger than before. I don’t know if it is because we are older, and are more comfortable with who we are…with where we are with our lives. I don’t know, maybe it’s because we both know how precious love is…but it is incredible.” Bette’s voice became very soft and was tinged with sadness. “I love her so much, it physically hurts sometimes.”

Leslie picked up on the sadness is Bette’s voice. “Bette, that’s absolutely wonderful! I’m so happy for you…honey, you deserve all the love in the world, and we all know that Tina is the one who can now give that to you.”

Bette started crying upon hearing Leslie’s words. “Yes…”

“Yes, she is Bette. So, why are you so sad? Why are you crying?”

“Leslie, aren’t you upset, at least a little bit, that I want to be with Tina so quickly after seeing her for the first time in 15 years?”

“What? Bette…honey, what are you talking about? Why would I be upset?”

Bette was fully crying by now. “Because…because, now that Nica is gone, I went after Tina the first chance I got!! Oh God Leslie!!”

Leslie was astonished by what she had just heard. When Bette had told her about going to Seattle to spend time with Tina, Leslie was happy for her. She loved Bette so much and just wanted her to be happy, and she knew Tina could do that. She had no idea Bette was holding on to what sounded like a big case of guilt.

“Bette…honey, no I am not upset…in fact I am happy for you. Nica has been gone for three years now, it’s time for you to open your heart and life up again, and your reconnection with Tina was…well, it was fate. I mean, what are the odds of that happening again…of her being on vacation in New York and walking into your gallery…one of hundreds in this city…really Bette, what are the chances?”

“I know Leslie, but I can’t seem to let go of the feeling that somehow I am betraying my love for Nica. When we first met, I wouldn’t date Nica because I was still in love with Tina. It took weeks of us spending time together before I even considered calling our time together a date…and then weeks and weeks after that before we were intimate. I felt like Nica was fighting Tina’s ghost the whole time we were together, and now I go running to Tina and…”

“Bette stop. I can promise you that Nica never EVER felt like she was fighting Tina’s ghost, as you put it. Remember who you are talking about. Nica was always happy for you, that you had experienced that kind of love in your life…but she always – and I mean always Bette – knew that you loved her. She use to tell me what it felt like to be loved by you…and don’t kid yourself Bette, she felt it. She felt your love, and treasured your love every day that you were together until the day she died.”

Bette was listening to Leslie, holding on to each and every word. “She did?”

“Oh honey…listen to me. Nica told me once that in a way she was almost glad that Tina was the love of your life…”

Bette sat up straight on the couch, “What!!?”

Leslie couldn’t help but chuckle at Bette’s response. “Calm down Bette. She told me that you were…what’d she call it…a force of nature, a gift from the heavens (isn’t that what Tina thought about Bette as well), and that to be loved by you was almost too much sometimes…that she didn’t think she was capable of handling the full force of your love had it been directed completely and totally towards her. She said that she would have liked to have met Tina, met the woman who had been capable of absorbing all that love, while still managed to maintain her own self identity. She smiled when she said that Bette, and said something about, what a power couple that would be.”

“Bette, all I wanted for my sister was her happiness…and honey she had so much of that with you…and then with you and Milaine. She lived a full and happy life and you had everything to do with that. I love you for that, and will always be grateful for you. But she is gone now…and you are still here. Please don’t hold back on your love for Tina, because you somehow think that is the noble thing to do. You and I both know that Nica would kick your ***** if you did that.” Leslie took a deep breath. “Bette, we are still here…you, Milaine, Kit and I…we are still a family. Spend time with Tina, allow yourself to love her without guilt, and then when you are ready, you make her and her children a part of this family of ours. Ok, honey?”

Bette was sobbing by now, so grateful for the friendship of this woman. “You know Leslie, Tina said something today that I pray is true. She said that our souls split apart and that we have more that one soul mate. She said that Nica was my soul mate along with her, and that when I died, a part of my soul will get to be with Nica again.” Bette was rocking herself on the couch, crying and holding onto the phone with both hands. “Oh God Leslie, I hope that’s true…because I miss her so much!”

tbc