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If Things Were Different – Chapter 5
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Angelica cooed lightly and settled herself in the hollow of her mother’s neck. Bette softened impossibly at the sight, losing herself in the poignancy of the vision. She was shaken slightly when Tina’s voice cut through the air – barely a whisper, yet commanding the silence.
“Why now, Bette? Why today?”
Bette didn’t have an answer – or rather, she didn’t have one she deemed worth voicing. She didn’t move to offer any reply; her guilt at causing Tina more anguish overwhelming her.
Tina’s voice grew a fraction in strength, “Why now after everything?” The strength diminished as their eyes met, her voice carried like a fractured harp, “Why did you step up just when I was giving up?”
Bette was visibly unsettled by Tina’s tears, she didn’t attempt to analyse the question; she heard the words, felt them penetrate her chest, but her response wasn’t there. Moments of silence ensued, broken irregularly by a soft murmur from the toddler. Bette’s gaze rested on various points around the room. A sob from her left spurred her onward.
“I’m sorry”
Tina’s breathing undeniably hitched, but she regained the composure she needed. As she spoke, her watery tones represented the liquid consuming her eyes, “Don’t apologise for kissing me, Bette, please just tell me-“
“No,” Bette interrupted, feeling her resolve strengthen, “I’m sorry for so much of what’s passed between us, sorry to be the cause of so much anguish. Hell, I’m even sorry for poverty and terrorism.” Bette paused, “But I’ll never apologise for kissing you, Tina.”
“Can you answer my question please?” Tina choked out.
Bette looked up curiously into the blonde’s face. The emotion was still apparent on her face, but Tina’s tears had now subsided and she stared her counterpart directly in the eye as she reiterated what she wanted to know, “Why now?”
Bette stared a long time while she considered her answer. She thought of the many ways she could approach the topic, what corny lines to use, what enticing phrases to drop but ultimately, she found that she only had the truth.
She swallowed hard, “Because of this,” She said finally, “Because the point of denial is long past. Because.. Because it’s still there, and I know you feel it. Because if I watch you walk from here today to go and see Kate, I don’t think I’d have the strength to fight for us again.” Bette took a deep breath, knowing she meant what she would next say but not wanting to. “Tina, if she makes you happy, then go for it. Because what comes before everything I feel, is the need to see you happy. And if she..” Bette stopped herself from speaking harshly of Tina’s girlfriend, “if Kate makes you happy.. Then I won’t ever stand in your way.”
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Wow, that was very intense. Bette is taking a big chance telling Tina to go for it with Kate if it makes her happy but I think everything will go her way in the end. PPS
Frist AD so sorry to hear about your illness, seems its everywhere right now and it stinks especially on the holidays, hope you get much needed rest and get well soon. This chapter was so intense and I loved it, hope Tina decides to tell Bette she only wants her,,wishful thinkiing,,hehehe
Jade, I have soooo missed your style of writing. I have always told you, that you write some of the TOP material on this site. Without a doubt, you should be continually recognized for your talent. I hope you are feeling better soon. As for Ash, I’m very sorry to hear about you both parting. I know that between not feeling so well, and the emotion of not having the person you had called friend nearby must be draining and upsetting. There are many women who can maintain a valuable friendship following a breakup, while the mechanics just aren’t in place for others. I think alot has to do with what happens in terms of behavior after you decide to part. Stay positive, remain honest, allow only space for maturity, love, and wisdome to guide you these days,and avoid whatever bitterness that may come your way. Hopefully if she does the same, one day you just might find yourselves back in one another’s lives with the kind of relationship that you might have been meant to have at the start, and that was a friendship instead of a romantic involvement. If it doesn’t happen, then move forward and hopefully look back on at least one positive thing in terms of what your encounter served when the path of your lives converged for a short time. And….btw, I did write that comment this morning missy. LOL!!!!!! Feel better hun. xoxo
wow so emotional!
AD: We’re so pleased that you posted this update. Get well soon, sweetie! Please take care of yourself. Remember something very important: surround yourself with positive people. They will make your life easier. But, as much as we would like, to keep you away from adversity, there are always negative people, who would only make you go deep into a sad and depressing mood. We do not want that for you. As Chicki said and she’s absolutely right: you have an extraordinary gift in your writing. Explore it. Don’t give up. Share it with the ones who believe in your skills and want you to bloom in all your glory. Big Hugs & kisses – Lucero & Marsha
“I’ve been constantly ill since” hope you feel better for the holidays!
I can only echo what others have said: thanks so much for posting but do take care of yourself.
Hey, sweetheart! How are you doing? I miss you! Great chap… intense! :) thanks
Tina knows in her heart that Bette is the woman for her. There is that fear factor of losing someone that you love but when they come back you want to go back but that little voice in your head tells you to beware of broken hearts.