Helena opened her eyes and sat up.

No youre right, it is easier my friends you know, theyre nice Ive really grown to love them in the past years. I mean you have to theyre the only ones youve got. But sometimes its so hard to talk to them about how you feel. They have this image in theyre head about who you are and how you work and if something happens thats a little different from there image they dont want to hear about it, it confuses them Helena said

Its hard showing someone youve known for a long time youre a different person than they take you for Jamey said

Yeah, well its not that Im a better person than they think, its just that Im dont always this cold distant arrogant figure they take me for Helena said

And the man eating monster? how much of that is true? Jamey laughed.

Well I have been with more blokes than most girls have I guess Helena started

But non suited you? Jamey said.

No, actually Its just frustrating, I cant seem to find what I want my brain is doing overtime I cant find peace at all I cant go to sleep at night I cant find rest at all. I feel imprisoned in my own mind I wish to escape but I cant so what I do is I put my thoughts aside unsorted which makes it an even bigger chaos in my head Helena said

But why did you let Ricky in last night if you already knew he wasnt good for you Jamey asked.

I dont know, when you left I started my paperwork and I couldnt focus my mind was a mess and he came I did try to push him out of the door but he really wanted to see me Helena said she pulled her knees up and rested her head on them.

You mean he just wanted to sleep with you Jamey said.

Maybe he did, ok Im sure he did but does it really matter at least on of us had a good evening than. But Ricky doesnt matter to me I dont care what he thought when he saw me crying. My friends matter to me there like family Helena said.

I just think they dont understand I dont think they disapprove any of your actions Jamey said.

But thats the problem they dont want to see me any different than the picture they gave me in there heads, there kind of narrow-minded I guess Helena said and she smiled at Jamey.

Wheres the rest of your family than, I mean your real family, do you go home on the holidays do they come by at Saturday? Jamey wanted to know.

I have a mother, who is this boss of a lot of foundations, she collects art and she likes to sleep with anyone who crosses her path, maybe thats where I got it from Helena said and she laughed No I dont see her that often and I really dont care, she sends me these really expensive gifts but she cant buy my love for her. She lives in New York and when I come to visit there she never really has the time for me so I attend not to visit her

And your dad what does he do? Jamey wanted to ask and saw Helenas smile slowly fading.

My dad well, my mum came to live in London and met this man, who didnt have a job a house nothing kind of a sad figure actually. And they married after knowing each other for 3 months they lived together for a little while my mom got pregnant and my dad went away. He said he needed some space never to be heard of again Helena told Jamey

So youve been here already for a long time? Jamey asked Helena

Since I was 6 years old this has been my home Helena replied looking up to the huge stone building.

I think you should talk to your friends about how you feel Jamey said

How can I tell them what I feel if I dont even know how I feel? Helena asked