Dana woke up, in her car, and groaned. Her neck hurt, her back hurt, she smelt funny and her head was pounding. She cracked open her eyes, wincing at the morning light. A glance at the dashboard revealed a semi fluorescent 8:04 and she briefly struggled with the decision to either go home and face an irate or over bearing Tonya, or find some alternative place where she could change her clothes, have a shower and maybe hit something really hard.

Duh, the country club. Okay, that’s where’d she go.

She sat up, stretching and looking around her realizing that hey, she was already there.

“Huh…” She said, her mind still holding onto the last remnants of sleep before she remembered that the same dilemma of where to go, if not home, had plagued her last night, and she’d come to the same decision then as she had now. “Right.” She grabbed her bag and got out of the car, shivering. “Please please please let there be something warm in my locker…” She mumbled, locking her car and hurrying into the club.

An hour later, after a forty five minute scaldingly hot shower, and a ‘Thank ***** Christ’ upon discovery of not only a change of clothes, that were clean no less, but also a spare practice outfit and some gear, Dana strode onto an available court setting up a ball machine and moving in to position. Sometimes, she liked to pretend she was in one of those old western movies about to have a show down with her foe, her life long enemy, her opposition. It was a quick draw battle, her versus the machine, her racket was her gun and the ball machine the only thing that stood between her and the fair maiden, or bar wench, or native Indian girl or whoever she was pretending to rescue that day.

“Come on…” She muttered, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “Make my day.”

Thwuck. The ball flew towards her.

Thwack. She hit it as hard as she could.

She was engaged to be married…

Thwuck.

Thwack.

No, she wasn’t going to think of that, she was going to think of the bar wench she had to save, except the bar wench was turning into Tonya.

Thwuck.

Thwack.

Okay, let’s go for the native Indian girl then…

Thwuck.

Thwack.

Alice had kissed her, told her she couldn’t marry her fiance, ruined what she thought was a happy future and offered no justified explanation whatsoever.

Thwuck.

Thwack.

Have to save the native Indian girl! That’s what she had to think about…

Thwuck.

Thwack.

The balls weren’t coming fast enough, or hard enough, so she trotted over and turned the machine up. Sweat glistened on her skin, her brow creased in concentration and agitation.

Thwuck!

Thwack!

Alice was suddenly waving at her from inside the saloon, black braided hair held back by a headband and huge feather, paint on her face yelling “How! How!”

Thwuck!

Thwack!

OKAY! Fair maiden it is…

Thwuck!

Thwack!

Tonya.

Thwuck!

Thwack!

Alice.

Thwuck!

Thwack!

That ***** kiss…

Thwuck!

Thwack!

Oh, Mr. Piddles…

Thwuck!

Thwack!

FAIR MAIDEN! Okay, okay, concentrate on the fair maiden… Concentrate on her red hair and blue eyes and… Lara… Lara?

She needed it harder, faster. She trotted over to the ball machine again, turning it as high as it could go.

THWUCK!

THWACK!

“Ugh!” She grunted as she smashed the ball as hard as possible. ***** the western, just ***** the damn western.

THWUCK!

THWACK!

Goddamnit Alice had kissed her and then avoided even acknowledging it! What was going on? Alice, the one person in the entire world that she had always gone to for help had just suddenly become the one person she couldn’t even talk to now.

THWUCK!

THWACK!

She’d kissed her back…

THWUCK!

THWACK!

“Ugh!”

She was engaged, to be married, to a woman she had barely known a few weeks…

THWUCK!

THWACK!

“Ugh!”

Her poor, beloved, being of love cat had DIED.

THWUCK!

THWACK!

“ARGH!”

Had she now lost not just one best friend, her poor poor Mr. Piddles, but Alice too?

THWUCK!

THWACK!

“ARGH!”

And where the ***** had Lara come from?

THWUCK!

“Ahh!”

She’d missed, the tennis ball slamming into her side. She dropped to her knees, racket clattering away from her, her breathing ragged, her eyes slammed shut.

THWUCK!

THWUCK!

THWUCK!

______________________________

Bette groaned and opened her eyes, but realized what a mistake that was and quickly closed them again, her hands coming up to cradle her aching head.

“Oh God…” She muttered. Okay, okay what was the last thing she remembered?

She groaned again as the previous night came back to her. No, she didn’t want to remember that after all, the confrontation with Tina, or the alcohol or…

“Oh my ***** God…”

She’d sang. In public. She had actually sung, in front of people.

And Tina… didn’t want to love her anymore.

“Oh Go-od…” She moaned, rolling into her pillow, muffling her voice but unfortunately not muffling her mind.

She’d never been that drunk in her life, not even in college, not even with Alice… okay maybe with Alice but that was beside the point. She rolled onto her back, hands covering her face. She pulled them away, opened her eyes again and looked down at herself before groaning again and rolling back into the pillow.

She’d slept in her suit, her favorite most expensive suit. She’d hit rock bottom, this was as low as she could go.

There was a tentative knock on the door, before it inched open and Shane appeared, mug in hand.

“Bette, you okay?”

Bette started, rolling over and seeing Shane. “You startled me…”

“Yeah, sorry. You were groaning pretty loud.” She walked over to the bed, waiting until Bette was in a seated position before handing over the steaming mug. “I made you some coffee.”

Bette rubbed her eyes with free hand, then ran her fingers through her hair. “You’ve been so good to me Shane…”

Shane just smiled. “That’s what friends are for Bette, to get absolutely trashed with when you’re feeling down and to wake you up the next morning with a hot cup of joe.”

Bette took a sip from the mug. She raised her eyebrows at Shane. “Well, do you want to go pretend you’re still asleep so I can return the favor?”

Shane chuckled. “Nah it’s okay, I’ve already had about four of those anyway.”

“Four? How long have you been awake?”

Shane shrugged. “Since around nine, nine thirty.” Bette looked startled causing Shane to chuckle and shake her head. “It’s ten fifteen Bette.”

Bette took a big gulp of her coffee. “I have never, ever slept past eight. Ever, Shane.”

“I gather you’ve never sung in public before either.” Shane smirked.

“No…” Bette looked into her mug, watching the steam curling up and away from the liquid, dancing into nothingness. “I seem to be doing a lot of things lately I’ve never done before…”

Shane nodded in understanding. She gestured with her hands toward the bedroom door.

“I’m gonna go, will you be okay?”

Bette looked at her gratefully, eyes shining. “I will be, I think I will be… Thankyou so much Shane, for everything.”

“No worries Bette, thanks too you know. And last night, man, was just ***** awesome. It was really really special Bette, she’ll come around okay?”

Bette’s chin trembled just a little, watching Shane walk towards the door. “Will you be okay?”

Shane turned back, just shy of her exit, and winked. “Always.”

______________________________

Alice’s head jerked off the pillow, one eye opened and her hair pointing every which way but down. “I didn’t do it…” She muttered, still half asleep.

Her head fell forwards again, her face hitting the pillow. What had woken her up? Something, some kind of noise… A crash, it was a crash.

She yawned into the pillow and rolled onto her back distractedly wiping small bits of fluff from her mouth. She groaned, kicked her feet a little, then sighed and got up. She stumbled into the kitchen finding Tina in a crouch, trying somewhat half heartedly to clean up what looked like a broken mug.

“What happened?” Alice yawned again, scratched her left butt cheek and lent against the counter.

Tina looked a little lost, holding up two shards. “I… I broke it.”

Alice rubbed her eyes. “It’s cool Tee, I’ve got like four thousand mugs anyway.” She shoved herself off the counter, and began looking through her cupboards for the little shovel thing that had been invented for this exact purpose, though she’d never used it before and hadn’t a clue where it was. “I know I have one…”

Tina stood, putting the largest of the shards into the bin. “I’m sorry Al.”

Alice looked at Tina over her shoulder. “Hey it’s cool, it’s cool, it’s a mug.” Alice turned back to her search.

Tina stood watching Alice go through her cupboards. “Did you and Dana get a chance to talk?” She asked softly.

Alice groaned melodramatically, turning to face Tina with her hands on her hips. “That girl is nuts, I’m telling you. I put you to bed, right, and next thing I know she’s saying something about missing her cat and then she’s running out of my apartment and kissing me again!”

Tina raised her eyebrows. “She’s running out of your apartment and kissing you?”

Alice waved her hand. “Not at the same time, but yeah. I mean,” She turned around, back to the cupboards. “I’m starting to wonder if I’ve been sucked into some alternate weird ***** reality because I’m telling you Tee, the world has just gone crazy like overnight.” Alice slammed a cupboard door shut before sighing deeply and turning back to face Tina. “How are you doing this morning?”

Tina frowned slightly, playing with the ends of her shirt. “Not so great. I uh, I think I made a mistake last night…”

Alice looked at Tina sympathetically, walking to her and grabbing her hands and leading her into the living room. They sat on the couch.

“Al, have you ever…”Tina shifted a little. “Have you ever done or said something, and then fallen asleep.” Tina kept frowning, struggling to try and make sense of how she was feeling. Alice, wisely, avoided being a smart ***** and waited for Tina to finish. “And, and you wake up the next day or morning or whatever, and it isn’t until then… it isn’t until that moment of consciousness that it hits you what you’ve said? Or, or done…”

Alice stared at Tina expectantly. Tina’s face cleared momentarily. “Oh God, of course, the Dana kiss…”

“Yeah sweetie, I know exactly what that’s like.” Alice couldn’t help but smile, yet it faded when Tina didn’t reciprocate.

“Al there’s this feeling in my stomach, like when you’re on a roller coaster and you’ve just started the descent from the toppest, tallest peak, and it won’t go away…” Tina unconsciously put her arms around herself, cradling her stomach. “And I keep thinking of Be… Bette singing that song, and me telling her… telling her that I couldn’t love her anymore… and seeing her face…”

Alice reached out to Tina, putting her arms around her and resting her head on her shoulder.

“I keep seeing her face Al, I keep watching her heart break… I even dreamt about it… And I don’t want to feel bad, I don’t want to feel guilty… I don’t want to care if I hurt her… I don’t want to love her…” Tina started to cry. “And I don’t want to ***** cry anymore!”

Alice let out soothing sounds, rubbing Tina’s back.

“But I care… I do… I can’t help it.”

Alice leaned back, forcing Tina to look at her. “Tee, we don’t get to choose who we love, okay? And we don’t get to control them. And they hurt us, sometimes, actually they’re utter twats sometimes, but we… we end up forgiving them. Because we love them. And sometimes, all that matters is love.” Alice bit her lip, hearing herself and wondering just how apt she was being about her own situation with Dana.

“I can’t… I can’t forgive her Al.” Tina broke down completely, falling into Alice. Alice kissed the top of her head, stroking her hair and back and sighed.

“Listen Tee, why don’t we go clean up the mug, and order in some hot greasy disgusting food and get videos… but nothing to do with love or happiness. We’ll get horror films, or cheesy thrillers?” Alice felt Tina nod against her chest.

“That sounds good Al.” Tina sat up, wiping her face and attempted a smile. “Maybe a good vengeance film?”

Alice smiled brightly. “See, now we’re talking!”

______________________________

Dana tightened the draw string on her robe as she walked slowly back to her locker. She ached all over. But it was a good ache. A satisfied ache. An ache she felt she deserved.

She reached her locker, placing one hand on the smooth cool surface, before banging her head into it purposefully.

“Ow…” Her face scrunched up, her hand coming to cradle her forehead. That had been a little more painful than she expected.

“Are… are you okay?”

Dana spun around, and grabbed at her chest in shock. ‘Lara?!”

Lara Perkins stood before her in a messy chef’s uniform, a concerned look on her face. “So I’ve been called most of my life…”

Dana’s jaw dropped open. Great, just ***** ***** great. Just, just damn Lara looked good… and no, she had enough complications and holy high *****. “How are you?” Dana squeaked out.

Lara began unbuttoning her chef’s jacket, opening her own locker and turning away from Dana. “Oh, the usual. Job’s as messy as always, and the other day I nearly managed to lop off my left index finger.” She started shrugging out of her jacket. “And I’m over worked, and under paid and can’t seem to find a good recipe for Creme Brulee. I mean I know it’s Creme Brulee, but I just can’t seem to…” Lara smiled awkwardly, glancing over at Dana who hadn’t moved. “I’m, rambling… Are you okay though? That looked like a nasty hit.”

Dana looked confused. “Huh?”

Lara raised her eyebrows. “You, hitting your head against the locker, the ‘Ow…’? Ring a bell?”

Dana distractedly brought a hand up to her forehead. “Oh, right. Yeah I’m fine.” Dana’s eyes suddenly started watering causing Lara to step towards her, alarmed.

“Dana, what’s wrong?”

Dana sank to the floor, her back against the lockers. “It’s just, all so much!”

Lara hurried over to Dana, crouching in front of her.

“With, with Tonya and Alice and seeing you now so suddenly and it’s just… it’s just too much!” Tears rolled over Dana’s cheeks, a bewildered expression on her face, her hands on her head.

Lara sighed, and sat next to Dana, close but not touching her. “You want to talk about it?”

Dana looked at her, mortified. “With you?!”

Lara tried not to look offended, tried to remember that this was after all Dana. “Yeah with me. We talked, once upon a time.” Lara frowned slightly. “Though it seemed communication was never our strongest point.” She shook her head. “But yes Dana, with me.”

Dana’s chin trembled ever so slightly. “Well, well okay.” She took a deep shuddering breath. “I don’t, I don’t know where to begin.”

Lara chewed on her bottom lip. “Well why don’t you start at the beginning?”

Dana nodded. “Okay. Well, I… I fucked things up with you!”

Lara desperately tried not to react, swallowing down any kind of response that could potentially make Dana worse, and keeping her voice calm. “Go on…”

“And then, then Subaru outed me to the whole world, which you know has been good… and then Shane gave me this new hair cut…”

Lara nodded. “It looks good.”

Tears welled up in Dana’s eyes again. “Tha… Thankyou.”

“You’re welcome… now who’s Tonya?”

Dana groaned, shaking her head. She suddenly thrust her right hand into Lara’s face. Lara wasn’t sure exactly what she was meant to do with the hand until she noticed the ring. Her stomach dropped. “Oh.”

Dana nodded emphatically. “I have a fiance!”

Lara looked away from Dana, her hands coming together, nervously playing with themselves.

“And then, then Alice kissed me and told me I couldn’t marry Tonya…”

Lara looked at Dana in surprise. “Alice kissed you?”

Dana, again, nodded emphatically. “I know!”

Lara blew out a breath. “Wow.”

“And now she won’t even talk to me about it… and I’m avoiding Tonya which just speaks to me on all kinds of levels about how I really feel about her… and… and oh Lara!” If Dana had looked upset before, Lara thought, she looked positively miserable now.

“There’s more?”

“Mr. Piddles died.”

For the first time since the conversation had started, Lara looked genuinely upset. “But he was such a great cat.”

Dana groaned. “Why is it everyone I love seems to understand how great he was except the one person I seem to be marrying?”

Lara chose to ignore that comment for the moment, feeling there were more pressing matters at hand. “Dane, why did you ask her to marry you if you don’t think you love her?”

Dana hiccoughed, but remained silent for a moment, lost in thought. “Mr. Piddles lived with me for a really long time Lara.”

Lara nodded, not sure where this was going,

“He was always there, when I woke up or when I went to sleep. And especially when I came home, I never ever came home to an empty house Lara. Mr. Piddles was always there to greet me, to talk to, and offer me love.” Dana went silent. She took a deep breath. “And then I found him, dead, and I was suddenly alone. He wasn’t there to greet me when I came home, or to wake up with me. My, my house was suddenly an empty house.”

Lara bit her lip, suddenly understanding.

“I couldn’t handle the thought of coming home to an empty house, or not having someone there all the time for me to talk to or to give me love or for me to cuddle and Tonya was just there, and she just seemed so into me. She just wants to be around me all the time, and I don’t want another pet. I can’t just get a new pet, the wounds are still too deep.” Dana chuckled self deprecatingly, and looked deeply into Lara’s eyes. She held up her hand, displaying her ring. “So I got a fiance instead.”

Lara reached out tentatively, putting her arm across Dana’s shoulders in comfort. Nothing more than comfort she told herself.

“I just, I just chronically ***** things up you know?” Dana leaned into Lara, tears again falling down her face.

Lara cleared her throat. “And, what about Alice, how do you feel about Alice?”

Dana groaned again. “I don’t even know! I love her, I love her so much…”

Lara took a deep breath. “But…?”

Dana leaned back, looking into Lara’s eyes again. “But she’s like Mr. Piddles Lara. She’s my human Mr. Piddles and I couldn’t stand it if I lost her too. I don’t, I don’t want to jeopardize that on the off chance that she might actually really love me…”

Lara closed her eyes, torn, drawing Dana in for a proper hug. Dana squeezed Lara tightly, crying in earnest.

“And I’m sorry for the way I treated you, I’m so so sorry…”

Lara shook her head, pulling out of the hug. “It’s okay Dane, it’s okay…”

Dana’s face scrunched up. “I don’t understand why you’re being so nice to me, after… after what I did to…” But Lara had shushed her.

“Dana, I want you to listen to me, okay?” Dana nodded, remaining quiet, so Lara continued. “There are, there are two things in life that you can feel that stay with you for the rest of your life. The first is regret for something you’ve done, okay? It eats away at your insides, and your mind replays it over and over and you wish you could change things, change what you said or what you did and make things better.”

Dana thought back to that awful day in the restaurant when she’d told the one person who had made her the happiest that she didn’t want to be with her. This person, who now sat in front of her. Dana gave the slightest of nods.

“And then there’s regret for something you’ve never done, and that can be so much worse than the first, because it doesn’t just stay with you, it plagues you. There you were, holding a moment in your hands and you let it slip away, you let it just slip away without grasping it and holding onto it and making it yours. Do you know what I mean?” Lara reached towards Dana, brushing back the few strands of hair that had fallen into her face.

Dana swallowed. “Do you, do you regret us Lara?”

Lara looked thoughtful for a second. “No.” She shook her head. “I regret never telling you how I really felt. That’s what I regret.” She smiled sadly. “That’s what I’ll always regret.”

Dana nodded, her face crumpling again. “I do too.”

Lara stood, wiping her hands on her pants and went to her locker to retrieve a clean chef’s jacket, putting it on and buttoning it up. “I should be getting back to work…” It was then that Dana noticed the slight tremble in Lara’s voice.

Dana stood up, awkwardly. “Lara…?”

Lara closed her locker door, and turned to face Dana. There were tears in her eyes, and Dana realized for the first time that she had never before seen Lara cry. “I wish you love Dana.” She said, before turning very quickly and leaving.

Dana watched the now empty space where Lara had been standing. She took a shuddering breath, before turning, opening her locker and beginning to get changed.