When you realize that it is over, does it seem to hurt less because you did it or hurt more because of that? No. It hurts more because it is just plain over and you caused it. The only person you have ever loved is gone. The only person that you felt bmight be the one. The only person you felt loved you for yourself, that truly loved you. You told her that it was over; it was just too damn hard. That you did not like who you were becoming; a needy, clingy person. Jealous. You were jealous of the way that she looked at her. The way they laughed with each other. No matter how many times she told you they were ‘just friends’. It killed you inside. To watch them and you began to worry that when you were not there that they would sneak kisses just as you guys had done. You could not do it anymore. So being scared and insecure as you are. You said good-bye. You kissed her softly, yet passionately on the lips. Conveying every thing you felt about her, the love, the hate, the jealousy, the good times and the bad. You said it all in that one kiss. She looked at you and smiled, smiled because she had no idea what was coming her way. That made it ten times no waits a million times harder to say it was over. You can still see the tears in her eyes, as you said good-bye. You can still remember her pleading with you and asking you why are YOU leaving me. What did I do? It broke your heart, but you knew it would hurt more if you did not stop it now, stop it before you loved her to much, that when she finally came to her senses that she really did not love you, that she loved Lara. That killed you inside. Because what would you have, nothing. She would be gone. No way would you be able to go back to being best friend Alice. No matter how much you two promised each other if anything ever happened, you would always be friends. There was no going back to best friends once I kissed her. Not ever a chance, and she and I were both stupid to think that we could. Now, at least we might be able to salvage our friendship down the road. When I will be able to look at her and Lara being all together and not say that this is my Dana and I should be the one holding her hand, making her laugh, comforting her…kissing her. So if you ask me why I left, it was for those reasons. Because I love her too much to let it break our friendship. She will understand later that I did it for her. That it is always all for her. Flight number 567 to JFK, now boarding I guess starting over will not be that hard. Right?