Chapter 68


“Good morning Sunshine!” Jackie was in the kitchen with Jake having breakfast when Bette woke up.

“Morning mom – how are you feeling?” Bette gave Jackie a peck on the cheek.

“Good…and you…..”

“Like I was dragged through a knot hole by my nose – but I always feel like that before coffee. Your little girl just wouldn’t stop last night…insatiable!!!”

“I know – I heard you!” Bette suddenly looked embarrassed. “Sunshine – I’m kidding – sometimes you’re just so serious.” Jackie pinched Bette’s cheek and gave her a quick kiss.

“It seems that all of you Kennard women just love to have your way with me….” Bette raised an eyebrow at Jackie and smiled. “But I wouldn’t want it any other way!”

Jake sat in his chair at the table. “Hey Buddy! I haven’t had much time to spend with you lately! HOW IS DA MAN? Give me a high five bud!” Jake raised his paw to meet Bette’s hand. “So Jake – guess what? Today you are spending the day next door with Mary Grace! We inferior humans have something important to do today. So – here are the rules – listen up – and don’t make me repeat them ok!? Number one – no diving off the diving board. If you do – it’s the dog house for you – and say goodbye to your Doritos! Number 2 – If Mary Grace wants to dress you up – ummmm – ‘in drag ‘- you will take it like a man – you got it! Number 3 – you live here – you don’t live there – be a good guest or you will not be asked back – got it? Number 4 – Under no circumstances are you to do number two in Amanda’s yard – come back here to do that – and then do it only in your designated area! GOT THAT? Number 5 – When it’s time for dinner – remember – you are the dog – act like the dog – you know you’ll be spoiled anyway – so please stay off the furniture. Number 6″- Bette looked at Jake’s cute little face – her tone softened -” have a great time buddy! That little girl loves you as much as I do…OH YEAH – and let’s make sure you take your life jacket and surf board.” Jake woofed a single “Woof!” in agreement. “That’s my buddy!”

Tina had been in the doorway watching the exchange between Bette and Jake. She walked into the kitchen and gave Jackie a kiss. She then walked over to Bette and threw her arms around her neck. “That was so damn cute…so now you admit you love Jake. My god what has come over you?”

Bette smiled at Tina and winked. “I think it might be exhaustion – what do you think T – maybe after the babies are born – you’ll let me sleep huh? What do you say? Are you ever…” Tina kissed Bette. “Oh – never mind – who needs sleep anyway – it’s terribly overrated you know!”

Bette bent over and kissed Tina’s belly. “So you two – do YOU ever get any sleep?” Tina smacked Bette across the head. “See – there she goes again. At this rate I’m going to have a brain injury by the time you two are born. Anyway – I love you guys and I can’t wait until you get here – even if it means that your mommy’s ***** drive totally peters out…” Tina smacked Bette across the head again. Bette stood up and looked at Tina. “You are really enjoying doing that to me aren’t you?” Tina didn’t say a word – but the silence spoke loud and clear. “I knew it – I’m telling mom!”

“Awwww – did I hurt you Baby?”

“And if I said yes – would you stop doing it?”

“NO!”

“SO JEEZ – NO IT DOESN’T HURT AT ALL!” Bette looked at Tina and smiled. “Will you still love me when I have brain damage?”

“I’ll always love you Baby…” Tina smacked Bette on the *****.

“Nice change of pace there Kennard! Maybe you could concentrate a little more on my ***** – and less on my head…” Tina only grinned at Bette and then turned her attention to Jackie.

“So mom – are you ready to go see the doctor today? You know you’ve been awfully healthy – wonder what that means in the scheme of things…” Tina appeared to be truly puzzled by her own question.

“Yeah – it is weird – I’ve been incredibly healthy since I’ve been here with you….hmmmmmm. Well – I guess we’ll know soon enough.” Jackie appeared to be equally puzzled. The past few months had been so uneventful healthwise that everyone had virtually forgotten to worry about Jackie’s health at all. Was it a miracle – or just the calm before the storm?

Bette had left the room at some point during their conversation and had returned with all of Jake’s toys. “Ok Jake – are you ready to roll?” Jake spun around doing his happy dance! He was ready to go – no doubt about it… “I’ll be back after I drop his highness off next door.” Bette winked at Tina and mouthed the words ‘I love you’ before she walked out the door with Jake. Jake scampered across the yard….

Mary Grace was outside in the backyard playing. Jake ran over to her and pounced on her almost knocking her down. “JAKEY – Jake…Jake…Jake…Jake…Jake…….you’re here!!!!!!! Hi Bette – what’s in the bag? Toys? Jake’s toys?”

“Yup – Jake’s toys Sweetie. So how are you today?”

“I’m good – better now that Jake’s here to play. Right Jake?”

“I’ll just go and talk to your mom for a minute and give her Jake’s stuff – ok?”

“Sure Bette. I can’t believe I get to babysit Jake all day!!!!!!! How much am I getting paid?”

“That depends – what are your credentials?”

“What’s a credential?”

“Hmmmmm….ok – let’s try this! How much do you want you little gold digger?”

“Ten bucks!”

“Let’s make it twenty!”

“Sweet! How about thirty?”

“How about twenty five?”

“Ok – thirty!”

“Ok – thirty! You drive a hard bargain kid! You’ll have to teach Dylan and Taylor how to exploit adults when their old enough to understand.”

“What’s exploit mean Bette?”

“How to be so cute that you get whatever you want out of some poor unsuspecting adult who can’t say no. That’s called exploitation Mary Grace. Maybe you should consider a life in politics!”

“What’s politics Bette?”

“That’s another form of…never mind…when you’re older we’ll talk politics – ok?”

“Okay! So do I get paid in advance?”

Bette looked into the sweet little face in front of her and said “NO!”

“OK – but if you don’t pay up – I’m holding Jake for ransom.”

“Where do you learn this stuff?”

“TV!”

“Remind me to censor everything Dylan and Taylor watch on TV ok?”

“Bette?”

“Yeah – Sweetie?”

“What’s censor mean?”

“Listen Sweetie – obviously your IQ is higher than mine – I can’t keep up with you…”

“Bette?”

“Yes?”

“What’s an IQ?”

“Look – if I pay you in advance will you stop asking me questions?”

“Yup!”

“You know what you just did – don’t you?”

“Yup!”

“Tell me!”

“It’ll cost you yuppie!”

“Yuppie?”

“Yup – yuppie!”

“Ok – here’s another five – tell me….”

“You know Bette – you are SOOOOOOOO easy to exploit! It’s been fun -but I want to play with Jake now – OK?”

Bette let out a heavy sigh. “Ok Sweetie – have fun!” Bette’s head was spinning – duped by an eight year old. ‘My GOD I am dead – how am I ever going to deal with two little ***** at the same time!?! I am so dead.’ Bette found Amanda and delivered all of Jake’s toys to her, thanked her and then went home.

“Baby – what’s wrong?” Tina seemed genuinely concerned. “You have that look….you know the ‘I can’t do this’ look you get periodically….what happened?”

“I’m not sure – I think I just sold Jake to an eight year old con artist for thirty five bucks! And I paid HER the thirty five bucks!”

“What?”

“And that eight year old thinks I’m a yuppie!”

“Well – in all fairness to that eight year old – you are a yuppie!”

“You’re not helping me feel better T!”

“Awwwww… come here. Let me give you a hug! You’re just a big sucker – that’s all – it’s sweet…I love you for it. Come on – cheer up – we’ll get Jake back.”

“Oh shut up!”

“Now…now….Baby….”

“This is all your fault Tina!”

“My fault?”

“Yeah – if I didn’t have this brain injury – I might have been able to keep up with Mary Grace – but no – my brain is scrambled.”

“That’s from age Baby – not from me smacking you…”

“Oh – thank you! God – I give up! Let’s get going. You know T – I still love you – even if you have….”

Tina kissed Bette and whispered, “I love you Baby!”

“And that’s supposed to make everything better?”

“Yup…”

“OH GOD – don’t say yup!”

“Yup yuppie!”

“Can we please just go now?”

“Yes DEAR!”

TBC