“I believe that is something her father instilled in her growing up. He was a hard man to please; very judgmental and bigoted.”

“Do you see those same traits in Bette?”

“I see the effects and the influence from her father that it’s had on her. She doesn’t tolerate weakness or failure very easily.”

“Did the therapy help?”

“It just made things worse between us. There was this belligerent African-American woman in the group named Yolanda. She targeted us for some reason, then she attacked Bette. We were talking about adoption. I mentioned that we’d considered it and someone asked why we decided not to. Bette answered.”

Bette: Because some girl from the Midwest who hasn’t even met a lesbian and who thinks we have horns isn’t about to choose us as the adoptive parents for her baby. It’s just the way the system works right now.

Yolanda: That’s only if you’re set on getting a newborn white baby.

Other Mother: What’s wrong with a white person wanting a white baby?

Bette: I think most people want to have a family that looks like the family that they grew up in.

Dan: Yolanda? Do you have something to say to Bette?

Yolanda: I do. You talk so proud and forthright about being a lesbian, but you never once referred to yourself as an African-American woman. All I hear you saying is that white people should only take care of white babies.

Bette: I said nothing of the kind. In fact, I was just about to say that Tina and I chose an African-American donor because it was important to us to have a family that reflects who we are.

Yolanda: Before you can reflect who you are, you have to be who you are. I mean, look they’re wondering what the hell we’re talking about because they didn’t even know you were a black woman. I think before you have a child you need to reflect on what it is you’re saying to the world by hiding behind the lightness of your skin.

Bette: You know, you know nothing about me. You don’t know how I grew up. You don’t know how I live my life.

“We stayed with the group until I lost the baby but things never got better. As a matter of fact they spiraled downward from there.”