Labyrinth of Emotions – 02.12 ~ How

            Five days, it was now Thursday and no one had spoken to one another. Lara hadn’t been able to find Sam she’d disappeared off the face of the earth it seemed. A phone call to her father led her nowhere. Also a very disturbing phone call from her ex lover CJ rattled Lara to tears until Shane had to pick her up off the floor of Sam‘s house and lay her on the couch.

            Dana hadn’t been able to find Alice either, and they’d all concluded, separately that they were together. Tina hasn’t seen Bette yet, and it was driving her totally insane. Alex was also MIA and that led Tina to believe that they were together, somewhere. More than likely holed up in Alex‘s apartment. Tina pulled out her cell phone, thinking it was time to implement part one of she and Ro’s plan to win back Bette Porter‘s heart.

            “Bette, hey it’s Tee. Look, we are all going to be at 452 Roosevelt Drive, building a house for the Habitat for Humanity project that Oscar put together. I forced the ladies into volunteering their time. Ok I threatened, but I’d love if you could be there too? Connect with the girls? Bring Alex along if you happen to see her, I left a message with her sister. Ok, hope you are ok? Hope very much to see you soon.” Tina said into her cell phone, hanging up and Kit sat down at the table, smiling at Tina.

            “Well, well, well if it isn’t Tina Kennard, with a shit eating grin on her face, what in the world has gotten into you? You are always grinning, and I know it isn’t about my cheating sister.” Kit said, and slid some pastries over to Tina.

            “Kit, I want to be Bette‘s friend.” Tina said, smiling a bit, thinking of Rosita for just a moment.

            “Uh huh, sista I know you got something up ya sleeve. I can tell.” Kit stated, leaning back and crossing her arms staring intently at Tina.

            “Ok, you cannot tell a soul, here is what is going down.” Tina said, pulling Kit closer and outlining her plan.

*****

            Sharon stumbled into Dana‘s house, still wearing the same clothes as the night of the party. She looked left, then right. She tip toed down the hallway and she didn’t hear her, she saw her. Dana standing in her room, arms crossed glaring at her mother.

            “Where the fuck have you been? I have an APB out on you and my CAR! You stole my car then you disappear?” Dana berated her mother, and Sharon closed her eyes, pain filled her head at the yelling.

            “I went to an after party.” Sharon explained weakly, eyes barely able to stay open from the lack of sleep.

            “After? After… Mother it is FIVE DAYS LATER!” Dana yelled, her own guilt eating away at her. Alice wasn’t anywhere to be found, and she was just as worried about Alice, as she’d been worried about her mother. Sharon kicked off her shoes, realizing that they were not her shoes she shrugged and sat down on the bed.

            “Dana dear, can I tell you something?” Dana sighed, taking a long breath and said.

            “Yes.”

            “You are the biggest drama queen I’ve ever met in my life. Now let your mother rest, I’m rather worn out from all the sex.” Dana‘s eyes went wide and she ran out of the room, her fingers in her ears as she shook her head.

            “Gross, gross, gross, gross….” She repeated as she ran down the hallway and out the back door.

******

            Ro stood at the desk waiting for her results from the doctor. The nurse came over and handed her the paper work, a small smile played on her lips, as her fingers drifted ever so lightly over Ro’s fingers. Ro quickly glanced over it, nodding and smiling at the results, everything was good and in working order.

            “You do understand that it is always critical, the timing of conception?” Rosita nodded and took the paperwork. She folded it and slid it into the pocket of her suit, what a way to spend her lunch hour.

            “And to think people get knocked up every day with out a thought in the world.” Ro said, walking out of the fertility clinic, a small grin on her face as she got into the car. The driver looked at her.

            “Are you sure about this?” She asked and Ro chuckled, tapping the gear shifter and said with a smile.

            “Get going, we are going to be late.” They drove away into the fading daylight.

*****

            Bette rolled over in the bed, and Alex groaned, Bette running a finger down the woman’s back, she saw the goose bumps rising on her flesh and she smiled.

            “You awake?” Bette asked and Alex rolled over, dark red nipples beckoning to be kissed and sucked, but Bette held back.

            “Sort of, I need a shower.” Alex said, sniffing the air and Bette laughed. Bette scooted up on the bed, the covers falling from her, naked body seeming to glow in the failing light of the early afternoon.

            “Me too.” Bette grabbed Alex‘s book of poems and read another one of the intoxicating poems. Alex took the book away from her and kissed her lips quickly. If there was one thing she hated, was someone reading that thing while she was on the room.

            “I’ll be back in a little bit, ok?” Bette gave her a funny look, but she nodded. Alex slid from the bed, not bothering to put any clothes on. Bette watched her move away and she settled back to read a few more poems, she heard the shower going, and she was going to get up, but she didn’t. Alex reappeared and motioned for Bette to follow.

            Bette accompanied Alex into the small bathroom, and Bette saw the old fashioned claw bathtub was filled with warm water, candles were lit and some soft music was playing. Bette turned and Alex waved to the water.

            Bette got in, letting the warm water lap around her and Alex lowered herself down into the tub with Bette. Her legs wrapping around Bette‘s slim torso, and Bette ran her hands down her legs.

            “Now this is bliss.” Bette stated and Alex took the shampoo, wetting Bette‘s hair and beginning to wash it, building up the lather. Bette moaned softly, where had Alex learned to be so caring?

            “How did you get to be so gentle?” Alex made a face at the odd question implying that she couldn’t be gentle and caring. She reached around and pinched her cheek, and that caused Bette to laugh.

            “What in the hell does that mean?” Alex asked leaning to the left and looking at Bette‘s calm face.

            “I’m sorry, that came out wrong. I mean, being a cop, you are suppose to be tough, rough hands, things like that.” Bette said, and Alex rolled her eyes at the gallery owner, she wasn’t exactly worldly, Alex thought to herself.

            “You’ve got a skewed conception of cops.” Alex said, rinsing Bette‘s hair, and Bette chuckled, she rubbed her face and Alex began to wash her back, Bette leaned forward and enjoyed.

            “So what is going on with us? Tell me your psychological outlook on this fling of ours?” Bette asked and Alex made a face, she didn’t want to think about it. Bette tensed when Alex didn’t start to speak. So Alex thought about it for a long moment, letting her mind relax and she began to speak in an even voice, almost clinical.

            “Truthfully, I think we shared a traumatic event together and have bonded on a different level. We are exploring ourselves by being with each other, dealing with our grief of our lives that were lost to Crystal.” Alex said, wondering what Bette was going to say.

            “I was thinking that I thought you were hot the day you came to find Tina at the house.” Alex laughed tossing her head back and splashing Bette, who leaned back and Alex cradled her in her arms. Some of the warm water sloshing out of the tub, and Bette closed her eyes as she was cradled in Alex‘s arms.

            “I guess I should say thank you for thinking I was hot.” Alex quipped and Bette had to smile at the obvious barb.

            “Are hot, and the hair is getting longer, and that is much hotter that the short cut.” Bette stopped then continued. “Talking to Tina felt so good the other night, but I think she and Rosita are serious about each other. I didn’t see Tina looking at Helena the same way she looks at Rosita. There is a lot more heat there, more passion. She’s very sexy.” Bette admitted and Alex had to smirk at the thought of Rosita Navarro.

            “Do you still want her back?” Alex asked, and Bette looked up at her, nodding.

            “Yes.” Bette admitted, she knew that she wasn’t going to hurt Alex‘s feeling so she could be honest with her about anything. They’d already discussed this, they would be with each other, honestly and simply until the other wanted out. No hiding, and certainly no lying.

            “Then we are going to have to get her back for you, aren’t we?” Alex said in a determined voice.

*****

            Sam pushed the door of her house open, and she took her shoes off then her socks. She hated to walk with shoes, she loved being barefoot. Sam stopped at the door, listening and finding that there was no one in the house; Lara must have still been with Dana. She sighed at the thought of them together, and then closed her eyes to the feelings that were brewing inside of her.

            Her hand went to her face, rubbing her eyes that were tired and she just couldn’t think straight. She clenched her teeth and groaned as heat rose in her belly and a cold chill rushed up her spine.

            Sam was pissed off, she was excited, and she was at a loss for any other words because all the emotions of the passed few months battered at her relentlessly. Like a boxer getting pummeled by 12 different set of hands, she was off balance. She’d gotten accustom to not feeling, to just floating on the periphery of her life, now she was being plunged full tilt into it, and she was treating water, barely.

            Sam climbed the stairs and entered the bedroom, opening the closet and finding Lara‘s suitcase was gone. Sam blinked, so she’s been home but then left again. She made a face and went to the bathroom, to find a note on the mirror.

Sam:

            I went to the Island, I don’t know if you are there or not. Richard the jerk, wouldn’t tell me. I’ll stay until Friday in case you are in route, and then I’ll be back. I am sorry, I know what you saw, and I know how it must have looked. Please let me talk to you? Before you do anything rash, please let me talk to you?

                        With love

                                                Lara.

            Sam took the note and crumpled it up, throwing it into the toilet and flushing it. She watched as the paper went around and around then down the shoot. Hate flashed into her belly again, and she held it. Grasping at it, like a drowning woman grasping at a life preserver. She let it wash over her, through her then it was gone. She could not hate Lara, not even for this sort of betrayal, why? Because all those years, she hadn’t hated CJ, so she couldn’t hate Lara either. She leaned against the door frame; she reached into the medicine cabinet and found her pills. She took the Cyclosporine and knew that this was for the rest of her life, for how ever long that life would be. She started at the Predinose and grabbed that bottle and popping the top and pouring it down the sink.

            “One fucking drug is enough.” Sam muttered and she sat on the toilet, flushing it and listening to the water disappear again. She stood up, still uneasy, standing in the bathroom running a hand through her hair. Then the image of Alice came to her, she stood there, staring at her face in the mirror and wondering where Sam Vance was? Was she still hiding in there, oblivious to what was going on out here in the world, her life zipping by her while she slept inside this shell that was her body?

            Her heart pounded and Sam put her hand over it, feeling it beating, banging, slamming into her. What was wrong with her? Sam sat on the toilet again, sweating as she swallowed back the tears that kept threatening her. She finally reined herself in and stood, looking one last time at the mirror, her hand snapping out and smashing it to pieces. She looked at it, feeling better for some reason as she looked at her scraped knuckles and relished in the savage pain there. Sam saw her haphazard image reflected at her, and she thought that it was now a much better representation of the woman behind the glass.

            She walked out of the bathroom and went into the large walk in closet and stood on a stool, digging on a shelf for something. She came down with and old, battered leather camera bag. She looked at it, and went into the bedroom. She pulled the camera out and stared at it for a long time, as the blood dripped off her hand. She wiped it absently on her jeans, leaving a large crimson smear. She heard Shane‘s voice in her head, telling her to find a new passion; she wondered if rekindling an old one would work just as well.

*****

            Shane walked into the Planet, Tina and Kit were at a table and Carmen was behind the counter. She went over to Carmen, and smiled lightly. Carmen took her hand as Shane offered it, smiling a bit as Carmen caressed her long fingers. Shane had resigned herself to being Carmen‘s friend, at least until Carmen figured out what was going on with her and Jenny. She wasn’t going to come between anyone ever again.

            “You and Jenny work it out?” Shane asked, not saying Hi, just cutting to the chase. Carmen squeezed the coffee cup she was holding and Shane thought she was going to shatter it. Anger in the dark eyes of the woman, and Shane could feel her pain.

            “No, she still didn’t go home where have you been staying?” Carmen asked, and Shane sighed. She shrugged, hating that she was sort of caught in the middle of two couples at once.

            “At Sam‘s place Lara went off to find her, but wanted someone to stick around and check in to make sure that Sam wasn’t home. I’ve been sleepin’ on the couch there; thank god it’s a comfortable couch.” Shane said, taking a sip of Carmen‘s coffee.

            “I don’t know where she is and I’m not sure I want to know where she is.” Carmen admitted and Shane understood what she was talking about. Carmen must have suspected that Jenny was with Marina.

            “Man she’ll show up and things will be fine.” Shane reassured her and Carmen simply shrugged, not sure she wanted anything to be the same as it was.

*****

            “Alice, this is great. How did you get this lead?” Maura asked and Alice just shrugged at the compliment, not caring if they liked it or not. This is what they were getting, Maura paged her assistant and handed the story off to her, Alice simple sat back.

            “I need a leave of absence.” Alice said in a hollow voice she wasn’t asking, it was that or she was going to quit. She couldn’t dig up the truth or write puff pieces when her life was in tatters.

            “Alice now is most certainly not the time.” Maura said, and Alice shook her head, she didn’t care. She needed a time out, just like a 6 year old having a tantrum in kindergarten. Her life was crazy, her emotions not her own so she just couldn’t fathom doing anything but working it out.

            “I’ll quit.” Alice said and Maura put her hand up, and she closed her eyes. Why was Alice doing this to her now? Of all times?

            “How long?” Maura asked, rubbing her temples and looking at Alice. Alice‘s devoid eyes met Maura’s and said in a stoic voice.

            “6 months, easily.” Alice stated and Maura’s eyes went wide and she shook her head.

            “No, 3 months, tops.” She shot back, and Alice nodded.

            “Deal, I’ll see you in three months.” Alice stated, getting up from her seat and walking out of the office. She didn’t bother to get her things from her office, she just wanted out.


******
How
9/24/04
JG Marie