It did, though. And I couldn’t have begun to explain why. It might have had something to do with the exhaustion I was feeling, but I had to look at her helplessly, spread my hands and shrug. “Sorry. I don’t know why it surprises me. I know it probably shouldn’t, but it still does.”

It took her awhile to reply, and when she did, it wasn’t very elaborate. She just made the signs for “eat” and “sleep” again in rapid succession. Well, as rapid as she could, anyway. I didn’t care, she was talking to me.

“Home?” I asked, a little confused for a minute until it clicked. “Yeah, Al. You’re my home. That’s how I know.” She smiled and blinked “yes.” Then she moved her hand back to mine and held it.

I don’t know why it made me so sad, but it did. I’d already broken down enough about this in my opinion, and I really didn’t want to go through doing it again. The emotional toll this was taking on me said differently, though. I wish I could have kept her from seeing it, but I wasn’t quick enough. She haltingly brought her hand to my face again, trying as much as she could to wipe my tears away.

I tried to move my chair back so she’d stop, and she made some kind of anguished sound. I couldn’t sit there and let her try to comfort me, though. It was too much for me to handle. I was going to lose it if she spent any more time trying to make me feel better about this.

“I told you to stop feeling bad for me. I meant it. It’s fine, Alice. You have to focus on yourself. You’re making a lot of progress but you can make a lot more if you stop focusing on me, all right?”

I didn’t mean it to come out as harshly as it did. She stopped touching my face instantly, and if she had full control of her hand I’m sure she would have snatched it back. She made the best attempt she could at that anyway, and although it was a lot slower than it normally would have been, watching her draw her hand back to herself hurt.