“She’s…” And while I’d felt a little guilty going into what Alice and I had been going through in detail, it was Shane and Jenny. They were the last people on earth who’d betray my confidence, and it was nice to have people that understood. Our other friends tried, but I don’t think they got it. Sometimes I think they were a little frustrated with me and with Alice for not getting better faster. For not getting over it and going back to the way things had been.

They didn’t say much that night, just listened to me vent. They’d both told me that we needed to take as much time as was necessary to get over everything that had happened, and that if we never got over some of it, that was still all right. I’d known that all along, but having it reaffirmed by my friends who understood – as much as was possible for an outsider, anyway – made me feel a lot better.

It surprised me to know that Alice knew it, too. On the phone that night, with her in a hotel a thousand miles away from me, she apologized.

“I never meant to get this codependent,” she said resignedly. “But I guess it happened anyway.”

“Well, I’m pretty damn codependent too. And we’re supposed to be, we’re still technically newlyweds. That’s what Jenny said, anyway.”

She laughed a little bit at that, but when she started talking again, her tone was serious. “I’m sorry.”

“There isn’t anything to be sorry for, baby. We’re doing the best we can. There’s no time limit on getting through this.”

I realized she was crying. She was trying to hide it, but I could hear her. “Please don’t cry! It’s all gonna be okay.”

“I know it will be, someday. I just hate worrying you. I can see how hurt you look when I don’t tell you what I’m writing about –“

She’d have kept going if I hadn’t interrupted, telling her that it was okay, that she didn’t have to apologize to me for that. She responded with a bitter little laugh. “I know I don’t. But I feel like I should. It’s not fair of me to hide from you about it.”