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Lest I Forget (16)
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“You stay here. I’m gonna go see if I can find a doctor, okay? Stay here with Mom, I’ll be right back.” He was gone before I could say anything in protest, and I suppose I should have been expecting it. He’s always been like that.
I shook my head after he’d gone, trying to clear out some of the cobwebs in my brain. It didn’t work very well, but I made my way over to Alice’s bedside and sat down anyway. She was watching me with tears in her eyes.
“Don’t cry, Al. I’m okay. I told him that, but he won’t listen to me. He never really did,” I told her, taking her hand and squeezing it. She blinked “no” at me and squeezed my hand in return. “Don’t argue with me,” I told her. It was meant as a joke, but my voice was so heavy as I said it that there was no way she’d interpret it as one. I looked at the floor, not trusting myself to meet her eyes. I knew I’d either scream or start crying if I did.
It wasn’t like this was anything new. I’d even had a breakdown or two since she’d been in here, so I don’t know why it felt so fucking serious to me at the moment. I was tired and I was cranky and all I wanted to do was go home. But even that thought made me feel guilty, because the only thing that would make it worth it was having things go back to the way they were before we’d gone to the park. If I could just go home and go to sleep and wait for Alice to get home from Europe, everything would be okay.
Even as the thought crossed my mind I knew how ridiculous it was, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself from wanting it anyway. She must have sensed it, because the next thing I was aware of was her thumb moving back and forth across my palm. It was a familiar gesture from her, and it made my heart wrench to feel it, simply because it was so normal. It felt like something from a past life that I remembered too well to do me any good.
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Woo! I’m here, sorry about the delay. I have learned that you DO NOT want to make an engineer mad…EvEr! Moving on….excellent post MT. You really nail the emotion and…other words that i cant think of right now. Every time i read one of your post i just feel absorbed into the situation and it blows my mind. Thank you so much for another amazing post.
Clapping and sighing simultaneously! You deserve a round of applause for another amazing post. Again, I love the way you tell this story. I sincerely hope that the nurse was right about D recuperating in a couple of days. I am just as worried as D. You did an incredible job on A’s emotion. I totally appreciate your writing skill in making it so clear how those two were feeling. With both parents being ill, it would be most trying for Charlie & Kallie. On the light side, D guessing what A was trying to tell her was hysterical, “tell Shane that I love her?”; “tell her you don’t love her?” LMAO. I can just picture A rolling her eyes. Dumb, Dana Dumb! lol On the other hand, with sleep deprivation & the infection, she must be entering into a state of delirium. For a few second I thought the message was “Shane. phone home” as in E.T. hahaha. MT, thank you for another excellent update.
Great update, MT!! Poor Dana. I hope she gets the rest she desperately needs and gets healthy. She is very lucky to have so many good friends and family to help her watch over Alice. I am so happy that Alice is showing progress in communicating. The whole “I love you” sign language thing was very well-done. I love the little touches about the kids and the differences between them and also in how they interact with their mothers. You craft a very rich story. Thanks so much!!