We spent as much time as we could at the hospital with Kallie. We weren’t allowed into the nursery very often, but when we were, we took advantage of it. Alice brought one of the blankets she’d knitted along with her every time, and she’d always hold her really closely, as if she was afraid someone would snatch her away. I could understand that, but it still made me sad to see.

Bonding with her was incredible, though. Every tiny movement she made when I was holding her fascinated me, and while outwardly I berated myself for being so sentimental about the effect a newborn’s breathing had on me, I was overjoyed inside. There was something so perfect about her, and I couldn’t figure out what it was. It didn’t really matter; when I held her, everything else in the world faded away.

Except Alice. I hadn’t thought it would be possible to fall more in love with her than I already had, but every time I saw her holding Kallie and baby-talking into her ear, it melted me. I couldn’t help but wonder what it was going to be like when we had our own children, and then I felt bad for thinking that way because Kallie was absolutely perfect to me in every way. Sometimes when I was holding her, she’d open her eyes and look at me as if she was fascinated by my presence. I loved it.

After that first day, everyone in the group wanted to come and see her, and they all made special arrangements so they could do so. They’d usually come during the time that Alice and I were allowed in to be with Kallie, and they’d watch from the window as we held her. I suppose anyone passing by would have thought it was more than a little creepy, but Al and I just thought it was really cute. We started giving them all constant updates; it was fairly easy to do since Kallie was making a lot of progress in a very short period of time.

Shane would show up everyday and just stand at the window for awhile, whether we were holding the baby or not. The nurses didn’t want to let her into the room since she wasn’t a potential foster parent or relation, so Alice would go and hold Kallie up to the window so Shane could see her. I felt really bad at the separation and asked the nurse if there was any way that Shane could come in for a tiny bit. Finally, after almost four days of asking, the nurse got tired of me and agreed.