“I’d like that, if you wouldn’t mind.” I saw Jenny shoot a worried glance at Shane. “I’m all right,” I assured her. “I’d just like the company. I’m not used to an empty house.” They were silent for a moment, and I started to feel embarrassed. “It’s really okay. You two can go home and I’ll call you in the morning…”

“No, it’s fine. We’d like to,” Jenny cut me off. “It’s just surprising to hear you say that.”

“Yeah. I think maybe I’m not all right,” I admitted finally. It hurt to say it, but at the same time it made me feel better. At least I didn’t have to keep pretending I was fine when all I wanted to do was hide in my bed all day and cry.

I was a little surprised when I saw Shane start to move toward me out of the corner of my eye. I’d been looking at the floor that Alice and I had just paid to be re-sanded and stained the year before, out of embarrassment for what I’d just admitted. When the movement didn’t stop I looked up and directly at Shane, who was about an inch from me at this point. Startled, I stepped back in order to get out of her path, but she laughed. “Stay there so I can hug you,” she told me, and although it was a little weird, I obeyed. Not an instant went by before Shane had me in a bear hug. “It’s gonna be all right,” she told me. As weird as it was to have her hugging me and as much as I knew that there was no way she could say what she was with any certainty, it still made me feel better. I hugged her back and this time I wasn’t able to keep myself from crying.

Shane just stood there rocking me back and forth in the little entrance hallway that opened into the kitchen. It was where everyone kept their shoes, and as I looked over Shane’s shoulder I could see a pair of the old dirty sneakers that Alice called her garden shoes. The realization that she’d probably never be able to wear them again hit me like a ton of bricks, and I started crying harder.