Letting GoCh1

Bette walked aimlessly through her house, silently sipping her tea. Tea, she could not even say the word without Tina coming to her mind. She stood at the window, and just looked outside. She noticed Jenny in the house across the way, staring back at her. She could barely look at her. She was reminded of the night at Tims, when she found out about Jenny and Marina. It made her so mad. She HATED cheaters. But now she herself was a cheater. A cheater she hated. Bette walked away from the window, unable to handle looking at the mirror image She was not Jenny, she was Bette Porter. Strong, beautiful, successful, and in control. That was who she used to be. Now she was Bette Porter, alone, lost, and empty. She knew she took a gamble staying away so long.

Bette had played the conversation she and Tina had so many times. It was as if it were only yesterday. She had gone to Alices house the day after Provocations. Bette knew Tina would go there. She sat down beside Tina, unable to comfort her. Bette noticed the line from her name to Candaces. Bette hated herself for doing this to Tina. Tina looked into her eyes, without taking her eyes of Bette, and told her unequivocally, that she wanted Bette to be sure that thisaffairwas over. That Candace was completely out of Bettes life. Bette took Tinas hand and swore to her that she would give Tina the space she needed and would not be in contact with Tina until she was able to do exactly what Tina wanted. That is how that conversation played out. Bette had no idea it would take 5 MONTHS.

It was a gamble. Bette had to be honest with herself, she really expected Tina to welcome her back with open arms. It is not an egotistical statement. Bette knew Tina loved her so very much. Bette made a promise to Tina, she kept her promisesmost of the time. Bette sat down on the couch. What am I to do now? I know I love Tina, and I told Candace that. I hurt Candace, and it did not matter, because I am in love with Tina and always have been. 5 Monthsto Tina that must have been an eternity. How did Tina know that she had fucked Candace all night? How did I get into this mess?

Bette started to think about their friends. She let them go for 5 months too. How could she make it up to them? Kit is the only one she talked to. She could feel the tension at the Planet. The only one not taking sides was Shane. Before Tina knocked the table over, Bette could see the internal struggle that Shane was having with this. Shane had them on a pedestal. They were Shanes idea of a perfect couple. Bette had let Shane down as well. Then there was Alice. Bette and Alice had a relationship. How could Alice not even listen to Bette? Bette knew she placed her in that position, but it still made her mad, Alice was taking sides though. Shane was staying mutual. Alice was taking sides. Bette knew she would have to talk to her friends, soon.

Bette lay down on the couch, feeling so alone, so utterly and completely alone. Wondering if she had lost the love of her life forever. Bette recalled the conversation at the Planet. She told Tina everything Tina had asked for. She let Candace go, she told Candace that Tina was the love of her life. She opened her heart in front of Tina and all their friends. She let Tina know she had spread herself to thin. Put to much on her plate. She lost control of everything by trying to make Tinas pain go away. Bette tried to explain to Tina what was going on in her head. Explain why she stayed away so long. Tina was too mad to even hear about this. She knew Tina had every right to b angry. Bette can not believe how out of control her life has become. Now she needs to figure out what to do to fix it? Can she fix it?

TBC after Sundays episode.