Previously…

I can see she believes, as I do, that in a time gone by she has been with me, lived a life of joy with me, ate…slept…made love with me.

I can see she believes that now we’ve met again, she is not to lose me.

And she won‘t.

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The last time I called here, I missed her.

Today though – she’s here.

God how her presence brightens my day. It can’t be a coincidence that once again I have a smile stretched from ear-to-ear – it only happens when I see her.

As usual I’m sitting here surrounded by my dearest friends, and they talk, and laugh, and joke but I hear less and less of what they have to say as I stare past them in wonder at this vision before me.

And that’s just what she is.

An absolute vision.

She simply mesmerises me.

If only I could get close to her, if only I could talk to her…thoughts of what I want to say to her threaten to sweep me away before I hear someone mention my name and I’m snapped right back to reality. I nod to my friends and smile, pretending that I‘ve been paying attention to the conversation…

…but really, it’s her behind my smile.

It’s her, every time.

My heart races as she stands there in the doorway, my eyes transfixed…

…and she sees me.

I’ve seen her here a few times now, and I‘m beginning to lose count of how often we‘ve been caught out, each seeking sight of the other. She’s always looked embarrassed when our eyes have met, and she’s looked away in shyness. I too have been guilty of hiding, scared of the depth of feeling I have for someone who I haven’t even spoken with.

I’ve tried not to show that every hour she is out of my sight I think of her, wonder where she is, who she’s with, what she’s doing…and if she’s thinking of me.

I’ve tried not to show that all that’s kept me going since I first saw her are the times she has come to me in my dreams, that night-time has been the one time I’ve been happy because sleep has taken my soul to her, without choice or question, to wrap itself around her, to protect her and keep her for mine.