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Living In Entropy (Chaos) – L.I.E. – 02.15 – Disappearing Me
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Living In Entropy (Chaos) – L.I.E. – 02.15 – Disappearing Me
“What is going on?” Bette asked and Kit shrugged her shoulders and saw Shane getting uncomfortable in her chair. She knew what was going on, why hadn’t Dana had the balls to talk to Tonya? She’d just let the woman find out on her own, jezz Dane. Bette’s mind was filled with thoughts of Tina, and she just couldn’t help it, she was worried out of her mind. She was sure that Helena was taking good care of her, but she worried nonetheless.
“Shane?” Kit asked and Shane turned around, her arm wrapping around the back of the chair, she had a lopsided grin in her face as she said.
“Dana bolted with Alice. I guess that wack plan that Alice had worked man, but she should have told Tonya that she was boltin’.” Shane said a joy in her face that had been missing for weeks was back.
“Plan?” Bette inquired leaning close to Shane. She was nose to nose with her, and Bette narrowed her eyes, she was out of the loop with her friends it seemed. Shane met her gaze and relented, she wasn’t going to push Bette because Bette could shove back with the best of ‘em.
“Uh?” Kit stated, crossing her arms because it seemed that neither she nor Bette knew anything about this.
“Yeah see, Al kissed Dana the night of Provocations. Then they had sex a few weeks ago, and now seems that Al is like, in love with Dane.” Shane said as the woman at the front of the aisle called their attention. Shane spun around, knowing what was about to happen, Tonya had just had her heart handed to her, and Shane knew just how that felt.
“I am very sorry, but it seems due to some unfortunate circumstances, there will be no wedding today. The brides have requested that you all stay and enjoy the music and the food.” Tonya had disappeared into the back of the club Kit felt a pang for Tonya. That just wasn’t right what Dana had done to Tonya. Kit was determined to let that girl have it when she saw her next.
“Excellent party.” Shane said, rubbing her hands together, getting up from her chair, and quickly looking around for someone to pick up. Her eyes found several, but she was in the mood for something new and different.
Sam sat in her chair thinking, well Lara, you got what you wanted, didn’t you? Dana is all yours, at least for the time being. Sam sighed softly, but then a smile graced her lips, hell she was happy as long as Lara was happy.
Shane went over to the bar and ordered a beer the tomboy from across the row slipped in next to her and ordered a soda. A camera hanging from her shoulder as she didn’t even give
“Soda? It is an open bar man. I’ll buy you a beer if you want.”
“I’m on duty on call actually so I don’t want to wake up with the same hangover as I did this morning. I am actually rather content that it left as quickly as it did.”
“Hey, I saw you at the new club the other night, didn’t I? Twilight? ” Sam blinked, and then she stared at Shane for a moment. The voice it was the husky voiced sexy woman that she’d seen, she looked even better in the sunlight that was just on its way to setting, so it was a golden pink.
“Yeah, I slammed into you. I had an emergency actually a friend in need.” Sam said simply, Shane moved a bit closer to her and Samantha had to smile again. Hot androgyny, she was hot, what did she have to lose? She knew she was going to be sleeping alone tonight. Again. She sighed inside, how much simpler things had been a few months before.
“To bad, lots of fun could have been had.” Shane stated, and Sam put the soda down, she looked around the room and saw that half of the people were leaving. She grabbed Shane’s hand and said in a smoky voice.
“So you wanna blow this popsicle stand?” Sam asked a sly smile on her lips as she tugged on Shane’s hand. Shane licked her lips, what did she have to lose? She nodded and Sam led the way to the parking lot.
*****
Bette walked to her car her phone rang and she pulled it open. She saw the number and sighed softly. She steeled herself for the pangs that she would suffer in a few moments the commanding voice would lull her into a dark place in her soul. The place where she deserved to dwell the place where she’d allowed herself to venture.
“Hello.” Crystal’s silky smooth voice caressed her ear as she said that one simple word. Bette couldn’t help but smile.
“Hi Crystal.” Bette said simply her pride melting away with each passing moment as she stood in the sun soaked parking lot, standing besides her blue car.
“Come to me? I need you Bette like I’ve never needed anyone before. I’m going mad without you.” Bette looked at her watch, and then thought for a few long moments.
“Tomorrow. Something has come up and I have to take care of it, but I promise, tomorrow.” Crystal sighed and she let the phone close as she looked around the sunny room. It was almost time,it was coming, slowly and Bette would be the one. The one that would finally free her from the chains of her lost love.
She paced around Bette’s bedroom and smiled, heading for the front door and walking out. Poor Bette, she had no idea what she was in for.
******
“FUCK!” Alex said, kicking her bike as they stood out side of the courthouse. They’d just been denied access to the crime scene in New York, it was yet to be established if it was indeed, the Whip Me, Beat Me killer as one of the newspapers had dubbed her. The reporter had put together that it was a BDSM type killing by the whip marks on the victims in Florida. They were all thinking it was a man, even though it had leaked out that they were lesbians.
“The bike didn’t do it Pez, we’ll get a break. We will. I wanted you in New York with me I think if we could just get one more crime scene, we might get a break on her.” Jo soothed her, and Alex shook her head as she sat on the cold brick wall. It was over, the trail in LA was growing cold and Alex was going to go back to working fresh cases, she sighed again. She hated this, she so hated this feeling of helplessness.
“What if it’s too late? She’s never changed her pattern, never! Now she killed someone in New York? She’s done with LA, you have to go to New York, and I’ll work LA the best I can, pray for a break. I think we are just going to have to face facts, she’s moved on.” Alex said and Jo flipped her phone open and placed a long over due call.
“Hey trouble, what’s up? Your car got slammed into, well darling you have more money than I do, so I can’t feel sorry for you. What are you doing later? I have to come by; I need your medical brain. I’ve got a tongue twister on my hands, and you might be able to spin it for me.” Jo said into the cell phone, and she motioned for Alex to get into her car.
“Yeah, four hours we can get all our merde together by then.” Jo snapped the phone shut and she slid into the seat of the Mustang. She pushed the key effortlessly into the starter and turned the engine over, the soft purr of the car helped ease some of Alex’s anxiety over losing her chance to catch this bitch.
“Where are we going and who was that?” Alex asked and Jo stated, with a wonderful grin on her pretty face. Alex knew at that moment, why Amy was so in love with Jo, that smile light her up. Jo met her eyes, and they seemed to flash with something before the FBI agent put on her sunglasses on.
“We are getting copies of all the medical reports and we are going to go brain storm with a woman that had a mind like no other. Come on, let’s get going.”
*****
Sam pushed Shane into the house they were giggling, kissing, and touching as Shane pulled off her shirt revealing what Sam thought, were the most perfect set of nipples she’d ever seen. Shane had driven the tomboy home, and she’d been treated to her hands teasing her the whole way there. She was sure that she was totally soaked through the pants she was wearing.
“Fuck, you are gonna drive me wild…” Shane muttered and Sam grabbed her hand and led her to the bedroom upstairs, the bed still unmade from the morning. She pushed Shane onto it, grinning madly as she did diving onto the bed next to Shane, and grasping a nipple with her lips as she moved her hand down Shane’s thin body. Shane arched her back, and Sam pressed her into the bed, quick and nimble fingers caressed her teasingly.
Sam felt Shane yanking her shirt off, and she moved letting Shane kiss her as she teased her erect nipple. Sam pushed her hand down the front of Shane’s pants, feeling an abundance of wetness; Shane tugged her pants down and kicked them off as Sam began to slowly work a finger into her. Shane kissed her again, soft velvety lips against hers; fuck this butch tomboy was hot.
Shane pushed Sam back and maneuvered between her legs, and just as Sam looked down, running her hand against Shane’s side, she blinked. She groaned inwardly, and she met Shane’s steamy gaze.
“Um, Shane…” Sam started, and a fit of giggles over took her and Shane looked at Sam’s out stretched hand as her fingers rubbed together in the sticky wetness. Shane grunted, resting her head on Sam’s stomach as Sam laughed uncontrollably, and all she could say was.
“Fucking mother nature.”
******
Tina rolled over and saw the single orchid on the table in an elegant vase; she tried to hold back the tears, but was unable too. They burst through washing her face with their salty stream, tears of the soul.
Bette. She sat up, taking the flower and pressing it to her nose, tears falling on the petals as her shoulders shook a bit from the sobs. One of the nurses came in her name was Kelis, and she walked over to Tina. The hospital johnny open at the back she was cool, but the blankets were warm, she wanted to go to sleep but it seemed to elude her.
All she could think about another baby that had died, and now the sole hope in her life had died too. She was barren, a child that would never be. She’d never be a mom; she’d never be able to raise a child with someone she loved. How that pained and stabbed her in the heart, her vacant hollow heart. She was now officially without the chance to build her own family.
“Are you ok Tina? Are you in pain?” Tina nodded as she broke her haze thinking that it was a savage anguish in her heart, not her body that was aching. Bette, why didn’t you stay? Why did you just bring the flower and leave? Why? Because you’ve been a total bitch to her since the breakup, that had been the whole point of moving back into the house, hadn’t it? Punish Bette for all the wrong in their relationship, she finally was able to speak, she said in a soft raspy voice.
“I’m ok I just need to be alone.” Tina said, sliding back down on the bed curled up in a fetal position, clutching the flower to her chest as she finally fell asleep between her sobs.
******
“I am so embarrassed.” Shane said as she helped Sam put new sheets on her bed Sam having a huge grin plastered on her face. Shane was still blushing over her fall from grace, and now she just couldn’t run out in the middle of the night, she was stuck having to apologize, and she hated it. Sam was just being too sweet; she’d never been so embarrassed in her young life. They spread the sheet, letting the sandy colored sheets fall onto the Queen sized bed.
“Look, I’ve seen way worse.” Sam soothed her and Shane kept shaking her head, rubbing her hands on her jeans, as she couldn’t look at Sam in the eyes. Sam was trying to garnish Shane’s gaze but it wasn’t working at all. Shane was really thrown by what had happened, Sam felt bad for her. Seems that Shane wasn’t use to being embarrassed.
“Hey, Shane honestly not a huge deal. I’ve seen blood before, like way more blood.”
” I’m late I WAS late now I’m pissed. You’ve got to let me pay for the sheets, cuz that is just so gross.” Shane stated digging her left hand into her pocket and coming up with two crumpled one hundred dollar bills. She went around the bed and tried to put the bills into Sam’s hand. Sam jumped on the bed, sitting on her hands and Shane gave her a look that would freeze water. Sam wasn’t going to relent and Shane grit her teeth.
“Man, come on.” Shane said trying to give Sam the money and Sam started to hum the ‘Smurf’ song. Shane let out a soft growl, and Sam had to laugh. The smiling breaking her serious face and Shane wanted to reach out and touch her wild hair, her face and her silky arms, but she resisted.
“Shane, how much you got there, two hundred? The sheets cost over five. Don’t worry about it, I have it covered.” Sam said the look on Shane’s face changed, and she was taken back. She stepped away from Sam, and she eyed the bed since Sam hadn’t finished making it yet. She bit her lip, not liking a free ride.
“Fuck, I didn’t know photographers made that much.” Shane stated as Sam stood up and Shane began to finish making the bed, hospital corners, and all. Sam watched her, her body stiff as she worked but Shane didn’t pay attention to Sam just kept making the bed.
“They don’t actually. I’m…” Sam started but Shane interrupted her, launching into what Sam thought was nervous banter.
“A drug dealer? Actress, no you’d be a director or a writer. To smart to be an actress. Don’t tell me, you are married to a rich man? Uh?” Shane stated venom in her voice at the last barb and Sam thought there was some serious hurt in the woman.
“Nothing as dramatic as that.” Sam interjected crossing her arms and seeing a look on Shane’s face, and she just wasn’t sure what it was about. Why was Shane so intent on doing something? Was she scared to talk to her? Was she petrified of making some sort of human contact. She had up a set of brick and adamantium walls like no other Sam had ever seen.
“Oh come on, tell me.” Shane demanded as she finished putting the bed together and Sam leaned up against the door jamb watching her intently. What was it about Shane; she didn’t know her last name that was just appealing to her. Then it hit Sam, she needed to be saved, from herself it would seem.
“I’m a doctor.” Sam stated the truth easy to say. She never told people she was a doctor unless they knew her from the hospital. She always told them she was a photographer for some reason, was easier to deal with.
“Bull shit you are way to fucking young….” Shane started, thinking that if this girl was older than her, she’d fucking buy her a new set of sheets, pink ones just to tick her off. The bedroom was painted in a sandstone color with a dark navy trim; one single black and white painting of a beach was hung across from the bed.
“I am, wanna see my license?” Sam offered trying to remember where it was, she didn’t have the certificate framed like most doctors.
“To young, it’s fucking fake.” Shane shot back and Sam giggled, she liked the way she talked, loose and free. Different from Sam in so many ways, but the same.
“I graduated high school at 14 very young years of age, and I was set that I was gonna be a doctor. No one or anything could change my mind. Damn it if I wasn’t going to save the world.” Sam stated and Shane sat on the edge of the bed and lay back, her feet on the floor and her arms spread back over her head. Sam thought she looked even sexier that way, god she was a goddess. She might need a bit more meat on her bones, but fucking hot.
“You are a dedicate dyke.” Shane said and Sam sat down next to Shane, laying down in the same fashion. Lying there hip to hip and Shane thought about it suddenly, she was getting friendly with someone she was about to have sex with this wasn’t good, no not at all.
“I was a driven one grasshopper, my mom died of a brain embolism, and I wanted to at least save one person’s mom, to save them from having to grow up without a mom. One mom or dad. The dreams of a child.” Sam said in a soft melodic voice as Shane turned onto her side and stared at the honest doctor.
“Wow, man I never wanted something that bad in my life.” Sam turned and stared hard into Shane’s dark green eyes and Shane felt something, ah fuck what are you doing Shane?
“That’s sad, but I know it’s not true. You’ve got way to much passion and drive for that to be true, tell me the one thing you want, right now, more than anything on this earth?” Sam asked her voice dark and sexy.
Shane thought for a moment, and she felt her body getting tense and hot as she realized that this woman was getting under her skin. How did that happen so quickly? Who the hell was this butch woman that was just pulling her out of herself?
“I…” Just as she broke Sam’s grey, eyed gaze the doorbell rang and Sam got up slowly, walking out of the bedroom door and Shane heard her soft footsteps moving down the stairs. “I so have to get out of here.”
*****
Kit sat with Tonya in the Planet which was deserted. Tonya didn’t cry, she was over the crying part. She sat with the pile of contracts that she’d had drawn up for Kit, and the Earthling show. She should have been on her honeymoon, she should have been, but she wasn’t. Her life was turned upside down, fuck she hated that feeling. She liked to be in control, and as of this moment, things were way out of control.
“Tonya, you don’t have to be here, go home.”
“I have no home at the moment, I live with Dana, lived, past tense.” Tonya sighed, flipping the page and reading over the fine print. She was determined to throw herself into work, she was going to make the Planet the biggest hot spot on LA, so there Dana! She was sure that Dana had run off with her previous lover, Lara. The one that everyone had been comparing her too the one that no one on earth could live up too.
“Tonya?” Kit said, and Tonya looked up, eyes red rimmed as she swallowed and met Kit’s sympathetic gaze.
“Yeah?” Tonya said, meeting Kit’s eyes, and they were those of a friend. Tonya has been helping Kit with small things around the Planet, and Kit knew she was a shrewd businesswoman.
“I am sorry, and I think Dana is a fool and has no class to have done to you what she did. She needs a good bitch slappin’.” Kit said with a flourish.
“Thank you Kit.” Tonya said, taking Kit’s hand into hers and a small smile spread over her lips.
*****
Crystal opened the door and saw Bette standing there, her head down as she waited for the door to open. As it did, she looked up meeting the bright blue gaze of the woman who was her lover. The one that made her feel like the world was still in order, even though it was in chaos. She sighed ever so softly.
Crystal said nothing she swept her hand in a grand gesture, and Bette stepped through the threshold, her body aching from having seen Tina lying in that bed. Pale, in pain and Bette knew that there was nothing she could do to take that pain away. So instead of trying to comfort the woman she’d loved for 7 years, she ran to a new pain of her own. Crystal closed the door, and moved behind Bette, pushing away her hair from the nape of her neck. Soft lips found the sweet spot and Bette moaned softly.
“I know just have bad you’ve been Bette my sweet pet.” Crystal said into her ear, and Bette nodded, she had been bad in so many ways. She’s hurt everyone she loved, Tina, Kit and her father, how she’d disappointed him in every way. Now she needed to be punished for it.
*****
Disappearing Me
8/21/04
JG Marie
I was warned
They all told me the same thing
She’ll pull you in
Take you under her wing
You’ll think you are the princess with the bride
Then the world will become her’s
You’ll no longer be you
But her molded, scolded version of who she wants you to be
Suffocate in her shadow
Drown in her delight
Your pain is her enrapture
She has compassion for strangers
Affinity for danger that hold you
You’ll be her sacrifice
She’ll make you bleed
Your heart, your soul
What will be left
Is nothing like you’ve ever imagined
Reflections in pools of cyan water
Won’t be yours anymore
Mirror images of herself into you
Overtaken and under privileged
Your imaged muddled and smudged
No longer recognizable
Friends will whisper in each other ear
“To where did she disappear?”
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Shane & Sam are cute together. Shane’s starting to have feelings for her whether she wants to or not.