A few months later and a few unsuccessful inseminations, Bette found what she considered the perfect donor. Marcus Allenwood was so much a combination of the two of them. Bette still remembers the look on Tinas face when she found out he was black. To this day, this still haunted Bette. Bette felt that Tina did not truly accept her heritage. Of course they worked through this and Marcus did become their donor. The night the insemination worked was the night they stayed at home and made love in their own bed. Bette felt connected to Tina for the first time in a long time, they were both so very happy. Tina felt all of Bettes love as she inseminated her. That was a magical night. They both knew this was going to be the one that worked. Sure enough a month later, they found out that Tina was indeed pregnant. They were both so happy. They were, until, Tina lost the baby, until Candace won the bid, until Faye Buckley attacked Bette. All Bette could do was try to protect her wife. Tina was in so much pain, and Bette felt she could not adequately comfort Tina. Bette succumbed to her attraction to Candace. They had an affair. Bette totally lost control in all areas of her life. Candace was a distraction. She made Bette feel good and she took care of Bette. At that time that is what Bette needed. Bette deplored cheating. Everyone knew that. Bette was a faithful wife. All of this past tense. Bette let her guard down and let everything she believed in go out the window. She knew that now. She was very remorseful as she sat and listened to the exact same song she and Tina heard on their wedding night.

You sheltered me from harm
Kept me warm, kept me warm
You gave my life to me
Set me free, set me free
The finest years I ever knew
Were all the years I had with you

I would give everything I own
Give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own
Just to have you back again.

You taught me how to love
What its of, what is of
You never said too much
But still you showed the way
And I knew from watching you
Nobody could ever know
The part of me that cant let go

I would give everything I own
Give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own
Just to have you back again.

Is there someone you know?
Youre loving them so
But taking them for granted
You may lose them someday
Someone takes them away
And they dont hear the words you long to say

I would give everything I own
Give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own
Just to have you back again.

Tears fell from Bettes eyes as she listened to the words of the song she heard with Tina nearly 7 years ago. She knew she would give everything she owned, to have her back, but she knew it was not going to happen. Life as she knew it would never be the same. She had messed up. She accepted that. But, Tina, she called a lawyer, she chose to end this without trying to talk to Bette. Bette felt remorseful, but she knew she had to let Tina go, she could not hold on to her, she had no right to hold on.

How did I let my life get so out of control?

Bette was so deep into thoughts, she never heard Shane walk up the steps.

Hey Bette

The End of Longings

Letting Go 3 will continue near here.