“You don’t know how much I hope you never see this Alice. I want to get well and say everything I’m about to say to you in person,” Dana took a breath and shook off the urge to tear up. “I didn’t hear much when the doctor first gave me my diagnosis because when he asked if there was someone he could call for me, the only person I wanted was you,” she swallowed hard as she chewed her lower lip nervously.

“I want you back Alice. I love you. I don’t care about any of the crazy stuff. It doesn’t matter. It’s my fault anyway because I’ve been such a coward. I know I made a huge mistake, but it’s been… I couldn’t figure out how to change it…so I took the path of least resistance, I guess. I am so sorry I hurt you. I was just so freaked out. I know that’s no excuse. Please forgive me…I…God, look at me. If you’re watching this, I’m dead and I’m still trying to make it right and put us back together.” She laughed and Alice laughed with her.

“Obviously I haven’t figured out how to break it to Lara yet. No matter what you think of her, Al, she’s a really good person. She doesn’t deserve this…any of it. How can I tell her? In order be free to win you back, I have to do to her what I did to you. I mean I’ll find a way to do it, but, look at me, I can’t even bring myself to tell you guys I have breast cancer and the freaking surgery is in three days.” Dana paused long enough to refocus her thoughts.

“I miss you more than I can say. I miss everything about you. I miss everything about us. I can’t wait to hold you and tell you how much I love you, but for once I’m going to try to do what I know is best for you. As hard as it is, I’m going to hold-off just a little longer because you finally seem like you’re moving past what I did and if it turns out that I can’t beat this cancer thing, I want to make sure you have a head start getting on with your life. I really hope I get to say all this to you live and in person,” she realized how that sounded as soon as it came out of her mouth.

“Okay, so that was bad, even for me. I do love you. And to prove it, I’m going to tell you something I could never say to anyone else in the whole world. It’s the reason I know how badly I fucked up when I went back with Lara.”

Dana moved closer to the camera. Alice stared at Dana’s slightly distorted features and held her breath as Dana whispered her final secret.

“She isn’t you.”

The audio crackled as Dana’s hand accidentally touched the microphone. Alice hit the pause button and the picture froze on her in a glorious close-up. She brushed her fingers across Dana’s lips, as she had so often done when they were together.

“Don’t worry baby,” she said softly. “You did tell me. And I’m going to be okay.”