"Yeah, the subsidiary, DEJ: I’m in charge of distribution." Janet’s eyes lit up and she held out her left hand to show off an ostentatious engagement ring. "Oh! I’m getting married!"

     She obligingly admired it with forced enthusiasm. "Wow! So who’s the lucky guy?"

     "Bob Greenberg – he’s in real estate, you don’t know him – he found us a little place in Tarzana right by the Santa Monica Mountains!"

     Tina smiled, knowing that one must earn eight-figures to afford "little places" in that zip code. "Monte Verde?"

     "Close: Braemar Estates!" There was an awkward pause as Janet shifted uncomfortably. "So … you’re still with – ?"

     "Bette. Yeah. We’re still together." Sadly, Tina realized that she didn’t see the point of telling Janet about their daughter.

     Janet eyed Tina questioningly, unable to deduce the source of her weight gain. "Well, you look great!" she remarked with an air of insincerity. "We have got to do lunch sometime!" They did the Hollywood air kiss and Janet breezed away down Flores Street.

     Tina sat back down wearily, and absently poked at her Apple Cobb. It had been awhile since she endured one of these encounters, but it never ceased to amaze her about how one-time friends and co-workers completely ignored the fact that they dropped her like a hot rock after she began seeing Bette.

     Perhaps Tina had read too many movie scripts, but this was one of those moments in life that gave one the ghostly feeling of stepping outside one’s self and looking back … The last time she had seen Janet, she’d had the surety of Bette’s love to comfort her.

     Tina reflected on the beginnings of their relationship. It was fraught with insecurity on her part; after all, Bette wasn’t just another lovely face – she was stunning, preternaturally beautiful. She exhibited a palpable sexuality with an intellect and drive to match; she was older, wiser, and eased through her world with steely confidence. Tina never tired of watching her hold court at parties, art openings, fundraisers. She remembered the swell of pride whenever they entered a room together and feeling the admiring and envious looks from both men and women – all the while, knowing that Bette would’ve been happier to be holed up at home alone with Tina. Those eight years seems like a lifetime ago …

     The self-doubt came back like a wave. When was the last time I felt that glow and tenderness from Bette? Why did she fuck around on me? I fell for her, became addicted to her, I adapted my whole life around her. She needed me, didn’t she?

     Tina’s scheduler buzzed with a reminder of an afternoon meeting with Helena, and she let out a sigh. Helena was probably responsible for Bette losing her position at the CAC, and now, here Tina was working for her … Why did she continue to engage in this vicious circle? At least Helena never took umbrage with my career choices. Who would’ve thought there was a downside to dating a millionairess?, Tina mused, then her smile faded as she was reminded about their current monetary problems. She didn’t understand why Bette didn’t pursue other job avenues; she didn’t understand why Bette despised and derided the film industry. Like it was any different from sucking up to dilettantes so they’d fund her precious art exhibits.

     Tina never doubted herself like this before Bette came into her life. She was tired of women … tired of their advocations on equality when they were no different from straights; she was tired of being excluded from the rest of the world just because she chose to love another woman. She was tired and she wanted her life back. Tina tried to bring herself to care, but couldn’t – having endured her mother’s rollercoaster of emotions in her youth, Tina had learned to affect indifference to her moods, which over time became real. She thought that when the swelling of the affair receded, everything would go back to normal … After years of suppression, was this how Tina truly felt?

     But along with this bit of truth was the realization that acceptance did not equate forgiveness. Tina and Bette had found each other again, but they each discovered the other to be a stranger.

~~~~~