It had been three months, since that day. That dayof absolute heartbreak for both Tina and Bette.
For Bette it had been a period for denial which transitioned into guilt, remorse and loneliness. She realized Tina was gone for good. She realized that more when Tina refused to see her or talk to her. Not oncenotever. Since that day she had been incomplete and did what she did best- go to work. She worked 14-18 hours a day, every day of the week. She never went out and hardly ever saw her friends. She spent her days thinking about Tina, working and thinking againabout Tina. She had lost weight, appetite and was insomniac. She had therapy sessions, which were now at their end. She had changed, but there was no one to change for. She had grown and there was no one to grow with.
She went out twice to Milk when forced by Kit. The first time was a disaster. Everyone was ready with a piercing, angry look for Bette. She had left within ten minutes. Tina was not even there. Bette felt any effort to make up to anyone was worthless unless she made up or her mistakes with Tina. She also thought Tina needed their friends more than she needed them. She would do anything for Tina but she realized it was too little and perhaps too late. The whole last month, every weekday, Bette would stand in front of Tinas office just to have a chance to look at her. And then she would leave.

The second time, Shane, Dana and even Alice were softer. They saw a broken, leaner, tired Bette. They all loved her. They were just angry and now very sorry. They managed to hug her avoiding Tinas eyes. Yes! Tina was there. Looking beautiful and very lost.but beautiful. Bette had not taken a break staring at her.her eyes crying, feeling helpless, begging but unable to get Tina to even look at her. She did feel blessed when her friends hugged her. Shane, Dana, Alice, Marina. But, nothing felt complete without Tina. Her wife. Bette had left after Tina left.
Then Bette saw Tina at the Planet. She thought she would die as she saw Tina with another GIRL!! She had talked to Shane to find out Tina was dating. She was dating a girl whom she met at work. A stranger!! Tina didnt look happy but she didnt look sad either. Bette decided she might as well stop drinking coffee. She was on her own, the whole day, doing nothing but being miserable. The reality had beaten her spirits now. She didnt go to Tinas office. She had lost Tina for good.

First two months for Tina had been the hardest of her life. She had to rebuild her life and fight everyday with herself for being in love with, for still being in love with .Bette. A life without Bette but still in love with Bette. She went back to work, went to a couple of tours (for work) and moved to an apartment. Nothing felt right. She saw Bette standing outside her work so many times. She was furious first and then she instantly took that moment to stare at Bette. She waited for Bette to come and see her. And she stared at Bette too. To soak her in. It took every ounce of energy in her to not look at Bette at Milk, to not go and hug her, to not hear her, smell her. She drank more than she had ever remembered drinking just so she doesnt go running to Bette and tell her..how she missed her. And then she met Kyle.

Kyle was a new person Tina recruited. Young, fun, intelligent and..violent. Kyle had been to tours with Tina. She had been fun and attentive and Tina wanted that from someone. Well, she really wanted it from Bette but she wanted it anyway. What she didnt want was what she didnt know about Kyle. Kyle had a dangerous and a drug-infested childhood. She had a hidden past. After a couple of dates Tina realized some odd things about Kyle. They had not had *****, Tina wanted to take it slow and Kyle got more furious about it with every date. Tina ignored it. Kyle was not Bette and Tina knew she was still looking for Bette. On the day Bette saw Tina with Kyle, Tina felt her heart stop seeing Bettes white, ashen face. The tears clearly told her Bette was so in love and so in pain. Bette had left immediately. Tina had taken her hands away from Kyles as if it would stop Bette. She had spoken with Kit. She knew Bette was seeking help, changing, trying, and fighting. But, she just felt so hurt and as much as she regretted not doing it, she felt it was too late to talk.

It was only their fifth date. That night as Kyle and Tina left Kyles friends place, after a weird party, and climbed into Tinas car, Kyle pushed Tina back on the seat and kissed her hard. Tina barely had a chance to kiss her back or to decide to do something when she felt Kyle hands under her skirt. Tina: Kyle, stop it. Wait.Stop. She saw rage again rising in Kyles eyes. Kyle was drunk. Heavily drunk. Kyle: Today I wont stop. No games today and with that she pulled Tinas hair and gave her another violent kiss. Tina was now scared. Kyle started pushing her hands into Tina interior and it was hurting Tina. Tina: Kyle, Kyle.stop it. You are drunk, I am not readyKyle: Shut up, *****! Whats to be ready? I have had enough of your wining. No games I said.
Tina tried to pull away and make noise so that Kyle backs off. Instead Kyle slapped her. Hard. Across the face. Tina with tears welling in: What the hellKyle held her mouth in her hand: Another word, another noand youll regret it. She forced herself on top of Tina and Tina fumbled her hands to find something to hit her. She pressed her hands deeper hurting Tina more with every push. When it got too uncomfortable for Kyle with Tinas sobs and protests, she pulled up, and hit Tina harder. Tina was now bleeding in her face and her knuckles trying to hit something or someone. At that moment, Tina accidentally pushed and blew the car horn. And once it went off she jammed it harder for long. It alarmed Kyle and she stood up trying to leave the car and straighten her clothes. Everything that happened in the next five minutes seemed like a flash. Without thinking twice, and after fumbling once Tina pulled out the keys, turned the engine on and drove past the ***** leaving Kyle to explain things to her friends.

Tina drove in tears.Tina drove to her home. She drove to Bette. When she pulled up beside Bettes car she felt a rush of relief. Three months earlier, she had left this place, in tears, after a violent episode. But, it was not rage, it was hurt. It was not violence, it was love and hurt. It was not assault, it was a desperate attempt by her and Bette to stop the pain. She had returned to her home, looking for her wifescared and shocked and in painshe never ever needed to see or touch Bette as she did now. She wanted to be held by Bette. Now.

As Tina tried to come to her senses, feeling the pain and seeing the blood she saw Bette approaching the door. Either she heard the car or she was going to lock the door to sleep or she just somehow knew I was here. Bette froze when she saw Tinas car. She ran out and flinched and barely managed to keep her voice and nerves down. Bette: Tina.Oh! *****..Whatthats all she could come up with as she opened the door for Tina. Tina was bleeding near her left eye, was shaken and crying. As Bette opened the door, Tina couldnt hold herself anymore. She sunk, almost fell into Bettes embrace.crying uncontrollably. Bette was scared to death. What happened? She was panicking now. Tina was clinging to her and sobbing. Tina: Take me inside Bette, please. Bette didnt say anything. She tried but nothing came out of her choked throat. She took Tinas weight on herself, and felt Tina limp. She locked the car and walked back into the house closing the door. She gently put Tina on the couch. Tina sunk back. Bette kneeled down in front of her: What happened T? Who Tina: Bette, can you hold me. I need you toBefore she could finish Bette had Tina in her arms. In her strong, safe, known arms.