They dont understand. They see me everyday, walking down the street. I appear to be sure, secure, stable, confident. Yet it perplexes them. Why am I the way that I am? Quiet. Dark. Mysterious. Im an enigma. The unsolved problem. The variable x. Sure they know part of the problem. The Given: My inability to FEEL.
What they dont know is how I came to be this way.

TRUST. CARE. LOVE.

Three things I will never do again. The pain is still unbearable to this day.

I once trusted. Some might say too readily. I was so eager to believe in and make myself vulnerable to someone. I gave it up entirely; my self, my trust. But it was all for naught. Save to scar my soul and trample my self-confidence. A mistake I will surely never make again.

I once cared. Ages ago it seems. My naivet was tangible. Too many people knew. So they took advantage. Used me at their will. Took advantage of my compassion. But I rectified that situation as well. And now I stay in a state of indifference.

And then

Love. The most harmful of the three because I dont think you can ever completely heal a broken heart. Especially one youve given away. I was so completely open. So entirely, so utterly, so totally open. And then the clouds came and along with it the realization that it was not to be. This was the hardest to get over. Im still not over it. To give your all; everything youve come to know yourself to be, and be rejected, how can you get over that?

But whats done is done as they say. And now, well now Im afraid Ive done it again.

Their names are not important. And to say that theyre my friends would be a gross understatement. Theyre even more than family. And they are the only ones that get me, who know me. And so Im afraid that maybe Im making those same mistakes all over again. But that cant be true because I dont trust them, I dont care about them. And Im pretty sure Im not in love with them.

No. What we have transcends all of that. And the feelings we have for each other are indescribable and absolutely unconditional. The bond we share is indestructible and I know its going to be like this for always.

I may never trust, care, or love again. Perhaps Im romantically inept. Perhaps I dont have a soul mate. Perhaps I am destined to be alone. Some people may find this revelation unbearable. But not me. Because I have them and they most definitely have me. Why the ***** else would I have gotten up at eight oclock on a Saturday morning?

Thank God. Youre finally here. Were starving.
I chuckle as I open the door, allowing them to enter the restaurant, Come on. Lets eat you guys.