Carmen: Yes I do. My friend Jenny.

The doctor was right Carmen did feel some discomfort but she smiled at the possibility of having a life inside of her. She was going to have Shane’s baby and they were going to be a family.

Jenny: Did it go ok?

Carmen: Well I won’t know for sure until another two weeks but the doc said everything looks good.

Jenny smiled at Carmen.

Carmen: Remember you can’t tell Shane. It’s a surprise.

Jenny: I won’t tell Carmen no matter what I promise. You’re secret is safe with me.

Carmen was happy that she could confide in Jenny and she trusted her to keep the secret. Two weeks passed but Carmen didn’t even take a test to know it was successful. She was throwing up left and right, and she had a bigger than usual appetite. She told Shane it was due to wedding jitters but Carmen couldn’t help every now and then to rest her hands on her stomach. It never ceased to amaze her to know that life was in there, that she was going to be a mother and she was going to have a family of her own. The day of the wedding she walked down the aisle proud to soon be Shane’s wife and tell her about the good news but Alice stopped her. She looked at her confused not comprehending the words that were coming from her mouth. She isn’t proud of this and she hopes that one day you can forgive her. Carmen felt the bile rise up in her throat but she suppressed it. Her arms subconsciously wrapped around her stomach as if to protect the child. She was pregnant with Shane’s child and Shane didn’t want her. Carmen felt like such a fool in that instant. Weeks after she walked around like a zombie not even caring about anything or anyone. Not even the life inside of her. This thing was Shane’s and she wanted it out of her. She wanted no part of that selfish, heartless, and cowardice person. She wanted it out and if she could she would do it herself.  She made the appointment with the doctor and soon her life could go back to normal, well somehow at least. She laid on the cold table and placed her feet in the stirrups. This will all be over soon she kept telling herself. Trying to assure herself that what she was doing wasn’t murder. Mercedes would think so. Catholics didn’t do this but Catholics also weren’t lesbians. No she wouldn’t tell Mercedes it would be like none of this happened.