I’m not sure what I expected from Jodi. I told her I didn’t want her to cancel her date, but that was only partially true. I didn’t want her to cancel because that’s what I wanted. No, I wanted her to cancel because it was what she wanted. I wanted her to want me and only me. I realize how self-centered that is in light of the fact that just last weekend, I found out that she was anti-monogamy.

Part of me thinks this is some sort of Karmic return for my own bad behavior when Tina and I were still together. I was unable to maintain a sense of monogamy in a relationship myself, so it followed that I was undeserving of that promise from anyone else. It doesn’t hurt any less though.

I am deeply and profoundly sorry for the way I treated my ex for so long and for the way I destroyed our relationship. It still stings to refer to Tina as my ex, but it’s a reality that we have both come to adjust to. My only hope is that she finally realizes that I truly am sorry for tearing us apart; just like I have realized that she really was in love with me.

Then I had the most selfish thought as I sat there with Jodi in my backyard. I thought perhaps Tina’s heartfelt confession about still loving me might be my ticket back to enjoying her company again while still seeing Jodi. God, could I be anymore pathetic? Wanting to date both the mother of my child and the woman who would rather I didn’t have a child?

Of course, Tina would never go for that! What am I thinking? Jesus, I must have been suffering from a temporary lapse in intelligence just then. As if Tina would even consider getting back together with me, let alone if she knew that we would not be exclusive. She puts a premium on monogamy just like I do…did…still do. Besides that, she’s still with Henry. He’s her exclusive. She’s definitely not entertaining any thoughts of getting back together with me.

Now that I think about it, it was kind of strange, because she didn’t even mention Henry the entire time she was here until she asked if it was okay that he watches Angie tonight. There was a time that she couldn’t go without saying his name to me. Maybe she’s finally done rubbing him in my face to an extent. It’s kind of a relief that he’s not going to be at Kit’s show tonight.