Do I really care if Bette is over me? I can’t answer that any other way but in the affirmative.

She was my Bette. She’s always been my Bette. Even now, I still kind of believe that, but I’m slowly starting to come to grips with our reality. I think that in the back of my mind, I always kind of hoped that reconciliation would be possible. And now that I see that some other woman has essentially replaced me in her life, it stings.

Yet, it’s difficult for me to sift through the real reason why it stings. Is it because Bette is no longer in love with me? Is it because she isn’t smiling that way because of me? Is it because my window for reconciliation has probably long since closed? Is it because I made a mistake? Is it because I was so hell bent on making her feel the pain that I felt that I have now lost her forever?

All I can hope for now is that she won’t shy away from a friendship that I would really like to forge with her. It seems like we started off on a really good foot towards that this morning, despite my candid confession. I can’t imagine her completely out of my life, even though I may have tried convincing myself just a short time ago that it was exactly what I wanted.

And I know she would never be completely removed from my life. We have a daughter together for Christ’s sake, we are forever linked, whether we like it or not.

My attention again focused on the annoying voice who was still speaking to me, instructing me to talk to her agents. Fuck. Sometimes this job isn’t worth all the ass kissing it requires. I inquired as to what exactly I should be discussing with her team, and before I knew it, Bette was running to my rescue the way she used to when she could sense that I was beginning to lose my patience.

I watched her as she made her argument as to why Jenny’s agents should choose my studio for her project. My smile was difficult to suppress. She hadn’t done this in so long and I began getting a little nostalgic. It was still flattering, and very sexy to observe.